|Reviews for Loving Duty|
| Kairikiani chapter 1 . 3/25/2008
Are you continuing this? It seems like this story needs another chapter (or two, or three...). You characterized Kent and Lyndis really well. I liked Lyndis' speech on titles. On your writing: yes, it is awkwardly worded in a few places, but the flaw is so minor that it is hardly worth mentioning (I only do so because you seemed concerned about it.). Overall your ideas flow very well. You're a good writer.
| FireEdge chapter 1 . 12/27/2007
Aw, Kent. I never get sick of this pairing. It's so cute, as is this fic. I spotted a spelling mistake (or well, SORT of): you typed the words in the wrong order so you had a kinda jumbled sentence. Other than that, nothing seemed out of place. As for your non-flowy-ness (wow, what a word), it may have been appropriate for this story. I mean, Kent was perpetually zoning in and out of his thoughts, right? By the way, that little part about his thoughts jumping over one another made me laugh (my mind was illustrating that... little blobby things belly-flopping each other to build this massive tower of thought bubbles...). Good job again!
| Fan Fan Girl chapter 1 . 12/22/2007
I feel like I have a lot to say about this story, but not all of it's positive. Eh heh...
You didn't say to go easy on this one in your Author Note, so do you mind?
Well, I liked the beginning at least. Kent was determined not to think of his lady liege, but gradually his mind wandered more and more into his own world... Pretty soon, I had this mental image of him just sitting there with a weapon in his lap, staring dumbly at the wall. XD But when the girls walked by and suddenly Lady Lyndis was sick, my interest started waver. It was like you were taking the original idea of Kent struggling with himself about duty and the proper mindset, and then an invitation to go see Lyndis dropped in front of him. Seemed a little too... coincidental?
Maybe it's just that in a lot of your Kent/Lyndis stories lately, one of them (usually Lyn) gets hurt and inevitably the other (usually Kent) is rushing to their bedside. Sickness, death, injury... You've covered these themes quite well. I was a bit put off to see a perfectly good story change directions and turn into something that you've already done before.
I'm not complaining about sickfics... I've written one myself, actually. But seeing the same characters act out the same scenes gets a tiny bit old after a while. For example, I would much rather this story had ended with a scene of Kent daydreaming over the weapons when Wallace himself comes barreling in, causing a different kind of conflict. Instead of a direct confrontation between Kent and Lyn, you could have developed Kent's feelings through his conversations with another character. Kent and Lyn as main characters with Sain and Florina as minor characters are themes that are getting to be common... I would much rather read a story that brings a new perspective than one that conforms to a mold. How about a story where Kent has to act as Hector or Eliwood's vassal as a day? What about one on how Lyn's grandfather feels about Kent? What if Sain got genuinely jealous of Kent and Lyn being together? What would Kent do if Lyn went to the plains without him?
I would just like to see something fresh.
I understand if these stories are your favorite kind to write, though. I don't want to give the impression that I'm telling you to stop and desist... I'm just telling you my opinion.
Sigh... And that's what I have to say about that!
On a different note...
"When he was sharpening his weapons, Sain ceased to flirt, Serra was suddenly silent, and to him, everything was peaceful…except one thing; his heart was conflicted." The first time I read this sentence, I thought that Sain was the subject. XD
"What? This is a Sain/Serra fic? No way!"
Hehe... Sorry if I seem harsh in this review... You know I still love you, right? _'
| Kitsilver chapter 1 . 12/18/2007
I did like the end where Lyn explains to Kent what it means to have a title and how it can be a barrier between herself and other people. But the piece felt clunky and didn't flow as well as it could have.
-Several lines are broken by many semicolons, ellipses, hyphens, and commas that make it awkward to read. You could make it smoother by removing some of those and taking out some phrases that aren't essential.
-"The battle that had been fought that day" would probably be more correct.
-Sentences like "He slowed the speed at which he was sharpening when he thought of how..." are kinda wordy. You could say the same thing with fewer words.
-You probably didn't need parentheses for "What if she needed a blanket..."
| Edward Houshi chapter 1 . 12/17/2007
I thought the words flowed very well, but Kent seemed really really anal-retentive.(I know I'm misspelling this...) That is his character though, but to me it seemed a little over-exagerrated.
I liked how you ended it, and I know the use of names without titles is a really over-used subject, but you did it really well. The characters were natural and sincere, and I thought you did really well!
| IceBlade28 chapter 1 . 12/17/2007
Hey Manna. Good story, but you're right, the words don't quite flow together as well as any of your previous one-shots. I'm not sure quite what it was, only that it did. The final scene in this one didn't pack quite as much punch, but that's appropriate since it was a less dramatic scene: Lyndis wasn't dying or anything, so there was no need for a big finale. It was still a sweet ending, though I think Kent should have handled it with a little more 'love' or 'tenderness' in his voice.
Although, when push comes to shove, isn't that who Kent is? Well done, nonetheless.
| Zero Admin Eevee chapter 1 . 12/17/2007
Interesting- to me, it doesn't seem to fit into any particular part of the FE storyline past Lyndis' meeting with Eliwood and Hector, but more of a generic story that had its basic structure established beforehand and fully developed now, like the Kent/Lyndis interaction that started in Lyn's journey and continues here... (I understand that I may not be making much sense, but it really is the impression I get from the story.)
In p.19, 'Infatuation had turned into something else as time passed, the seasons turning as surely as the tide came and went', seems to shift the focus to the passage of time instead of the fact that '[i]nfatuation had turned into something else'; while showing that time causes change, perhaps could also focus on the fact that the change happened.
In p.21, 'he would die for her if he had to'- if I remember correctly, the majority of servants and vassals would 'have to' (willingly) lay down their lives for their lords, so using this point to support Kent's feelings for Lyndis is a little weak- perhaps a use of something that implies a more voluntary basis...
In p.34, Bartre's name is spelt wrongly.
I especially liked your interpretation of why Lyndis prefers for people to not use her title. It suits her somehow, suits the way she was unused to the higher status she was accorded and seemingly almost unwilling to take up her position. I assume that you are saying that Lyndis would prefer to be treated as an equal, then...
I also like the way you can blend in flashbacks with the story without making them stand out.
With regards to the author's note... it does give some impression of not being completely fluid, but it could be due to the presence of major dialogue and events that disrupt the mainly stream-of-consciousness style 3rd person limited writing. Some of your more recent stories contain limited or nonexistent amounts of content that would have divided the attention of your the focal character, so the train of thought there would be more smooth... perhaps that may be why. (I'm probably wrong here, though.)
In general, a wonderful story. I apologize for the rambling and the nitpickiness. Please keep writing :)
| Maxmagnus20019 chapter 1 . 12/16/2007
Twas good enough, a nice reflexion on how Kent would think.