|Reviews for Voices|
| DarkBlaziken chapter 1 . 3/27/2008
sorry, haven't been very active in FF reading lately...
but really i should have found this earlier.
yep i am browsing through your author page for, well, angst. and drama. cos i'm not feeling very high today...
the struggle was really impactful. though of course i prefer RathLyn to KentLyn, it's not like i hate it or anything, so...i'll go read your fics.
anyway, good story!
| Fan Fan Girl chapter 1 . 12/22/2007
Well, acutally, I don't have that much to say about this one. Surprised?
I thought it was written superbly, with even pacing and well-placed scenes. Characterization was nice as well. Good job!
| Kitsilver chapter 1 . 12/18/2007
"It should have been me." Is a striking line , but it loses some of its punch after the previous paragraph. Italicizing a lot lessens its impact too.
It's hard to say what I think about your Fiora. I can understand her guilt at losing the knights under her command, and can see her trying to make up for it. But I don't like how frantic and desperate she seems. And the way she feels about Kent is kinda creepy. Unrequited love hurts, but the way she views Lyn as nothing more than an obstacle to Kent feels almost malicious.
I like the end where she makes her peace with the families of those knights who died under her command. And you put an interesting spin on Fiora's solid, dependable character. But I gotta admit that even though I like Fiora, I didn't like her in this piece. The character as I imagine her is very different for this, and I couldn't reconcile my view of her with yours. The piece is also heavy with feelings of darkness, hate, pain, and desperation, so it was hard for me to read even though the writing itself was ok.
| IceBlade28 chapter 1 . 12/17/2007
Hey Manna! I had to review this latest story of your's, since it was such a change from your recent activities to put a third character's spin on your Kent/Lyndis fic!
You know, I really don't think people do Fiora enough justice; they portray her as a female Kent, and just let the two personalities complement each other. You added a lot of humaity to Fiora's character, not only by adding the voices in her head but by adding a new twist- restrained jealousy. Many people, when playing the jealousy card in fics, allow that trait to twist their character into OOCness, but you played it with restraint and made Fiora's character development throughout the fic walk the fine line that each author should try to guide their characters alog. I'm impressed.
The scene where Lyn and Fiora were waiting together in Kent's room was very, very well written. The unspoken emotions hung in the air, and I could easily picture Fiora's hand tentatively moving back as Lyn's moved forward. That scene helped set in motion the ending twist, where the voices confronted her again. This is a great fic, and I hope I can update Person's Unknown soon!
(There's a part where Lyn meets Lloyd!)
| Zero Admin Eevee chapter 1 . 12/17/2007
An interesting balance between blame and being blamed, for the voices in Fiora's dream. It seems to me like a reflection of Fiora's own thoughts about the event, with ref. to the notion that dreams may be a manifestation of conscious or subconscious thought, and 'as if their voices were not coming from them' seems to accentuate that... as there is limited knowledge about the actual events except for Fiora's testimony, and her report to Pent may not be fully objective...
One thing, though. 'Their families had lost sisters, aunts, mothers, daughters, friends, nieces… and if she had died, only two people in the world would have noticed.' While it may emphasize that Fiora may not have had many friends among the wing she commanded, it may have been a little exaggerated to state that only her sisters (if I inferred correctly) would have mourned her death.
Spelling error in section II,p.10- 'strove to me' should be 'strove to be', I believe.
Also, p.15 probably shouldn't be in the present tense.
In p.18, there may be a slip in POV; with reference to 'Kent, whose mind was only half on the battle', Fiora would probably not be able to use such an affirmative...
I like the repetition of the italicized, dashed (hyphenated?) 'always down' in the description of Fiora's dreams; it reminds me of generic negativity associated with 'down', with the 'always' emphasizing that, and it seems to subtly imply that Fiora does place relative importance in the dreams.
I also like this sentence: 'Time did not heal all wounds, but it made them easier to bear'. Somehow suited to the FE world.
Italics, whether thoughts or emphasis, were generally well-used.
A beautiful story. Please keep writing. :)
| Wii Master chapter 1 . 12/16/2007
Hmm... mixed feelings for me. At first, I was thinking that she wasn't sad, she just needed to have less mushrooms as a midnight snack. But... it got better. Once the situation was explained, everything made sense. Characterization was... interesting. The way you told the story - very few names it seemed - lent a different style to the whole thing. Everything worked, and it gave the reader a great insight into what was going on. I liked it. The whole "haunted by her past" was good. Sorry for the rambling by the way. I really only see one improvement to be made. It's a pet peeve of mine. You called the "sniper" by its class name. Perhaps "archer," bowman," or simply "enemy" would fit better. Unless you meant sniper as what his actions were. Then it's fine. Good short story overall. 9/10.
| Edward Houshi chapter 1 . 12/16/2007
I never really thought of Fiora that way. I think you did a really great job with it. It made me think...