Reviews for Illegitimate Love
happyfan13 chapter 4 . 2/17/2008
hope you update soon
callmeegrim chapter 4 . 2/17/2008
i relly like your story and you should keep writing them cazz your a grate writer
Jokeruto chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
Ha! Hinata's reaction was quite amusing, I can imagine her actively trying to subvert Tenten, can't wait to see where you take that aspect of the story. That was a very well done lemon scene, it's clear Tenten is the one who's wearing the pants in that relationship. Poor Naruto he's been reduced to sex toy status...

Great work on the chapter, I hope to read more soon.
Khavros chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
I've really enjoyed your story to this point... I think Hinata's reaction was fairly memorable... and I think you're really portraying the Naruto/Tenten pregnancy plot fairly well..

I can't wait for more of the 'falling in love' development to come (which I hope you elect to include over the 'shit happens, learn to live with it' theme).

I'm also looking forward to more Hinata/Tenten cat-tiness... I just think it would build for great drama if Hinata didn't get over things and even tried to steal Naruto away (which would lead to EVEN more wonderful drama). Keep her against Tenten, well not violently I hope, but against her none the less. After all, it's not her dear sweet Naruto's fault...

Though it takes two to tango... She's the one who pressured him into drinking and then into coming back to her apartment... so while he still has a responsibility for it, it was still her fault (even if the law says otherwise which I agree with due to neglectful/abandoning fathers).

Think I got off track at some point.

Either way.

Good read.

Hope you find the time/motivation/substance to update soon.

P.S. It would add another interesting flavor if Sakura got involved too and started to develop a case of the 'grass is always greener' syndrome. Obviously to Sakura it would be Naruto's fault... at first. But eventually, what she's lost would sink in. I don't know why I want all the girls hating Tenten, but I just think Tenten's excess angst would be an excellent source of development between her and Naruto. I think doing something like this with Sakura is probably the best way to show that he's dropped his torch for Sakura.
Sabaku no Skyla chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
Please don't take this the wrong way, but Hinata in this story wasn't anything like the one from the show. It took away from the story for me a little. I did not even see Hinata at all in this ch, but something more like a psycho OC that is too obsessed with Naruto. Maybe you did that intentionally because you do not like Hinata much, but oh well. I will keep reading this, even though I did not like Hinata's portrayal.

Sorry to be so negative, and I hope that did not hurt your feelings. I did like the rest of this ch! Lee and Neji being protective of TenTen is nice. Poor Naruto could sure use a break, though. The lemon was good, too. Keep it up.
master of cheese graters chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
That lemon was a beast indeed! Why were you saying on your profile page that you could get kicked from the site for writing a lemon? You rated it properly, and it wasn't disgusting or overly violent. You followed the regulations. Therefor, you can't get kicked, but do what you must.

Also upon reading your profile I offer my services as a beta, since I have nothing better to do.

One last thing. Why are you so mean to Hinata? What did she ever do to you? But now that I think about it, you could make an absolutely wonderful NaruHina story considering how you have portrayed her. She has that aggressiveness to her in your writing and I always like aggressive women for some reason. It adds for good humor as well.

But besides all that. Good story. As you said at the end of the chapter, Naruto is fucked, pun intended.
AngelicWrath chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
wicked story keep up the good work update soon:)
Triangle Pines chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
Great smutty chapter, especially for someone who doesn't like to write it. I loved Tenten's logic about Hinata, if Hinata wants to be angry, then Tenten should give her a reason to be angry.

"If this was just the first month, he hated to see what the next eight would bring." I feel his pain, I can only hope that you go easy on him for a while. Tenten has to deal with only Hinata, but Naruto has to deal with every kunoichi in the Konoha Ten, Tenten and her teammates, and Tsunade and Shizune. Damn.
The-Eighth-Sin chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
Dayum. Good job my friend.
Captain Deadpool chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
After reading this chapter I have only one thought: You know about pickle and peanut butter sandwiches too? I love them!

On a serious note, the first half of this fic made me smile, and the other half made me... y'know, it was all good, let's just leave it at that. So much for a serious note... :)
Egghead chapter 4 . 2/16/2008
Um... Okay... That was... Different
LoliConArtist chapter 1 . 2/16/2008
While we're at it, I might as well say I also love this story. While, in comparison to Melody, it seems a bit rushed, it definitely SHOULD be. A child would definitely cause these kind of 'problems'.

Anywho, I know your goal is to retire from fanfic, but at this rate, you'll have many, many people sitting here hoping and wishing that you never do.

At the very least, stick to beta'ing for some up-and-coming writer, hmm? :P
Lord-Strath chapter 4 . 2/15/2008
wow tenten sounds more like tayuya then tenten...then again the show never gives tenten lines to go with her immense lack of character depth...shes just tenten, the girl on Neji's team XD
grey mage chapter 4 . 2/15/2008
this place is awesome. some where [i dont remember] is a drunk hinata. and now you have given me a crazy bitchy hinata. i absolutely love it. the lemon was good considering tenten almost raping naruto. heh. maybe you should put the tayuya/naruto on hold and focus on this one.
Whitefang16 chapter 4 . 2/15/2008
I love this story. I can honestly say that there hasn't been another NaruTen story like this one on this site. With that in mind, I urge you to continue especially where the lemons are concerned;D On another note, someone mentioned that you might get booted for that type of thing and that is entirely untrue. A majority of this site has nothing but lemons. That person probably doesn't write lemons or like to read them. Anyway, great story and look forward to the next chapter.
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