|Reviews for My Thoughts|
| iiSin chapter 1 . 12/31/2009
Wow. Honestly, you make all the characters act very naturally. Especially Mouse, he's such a minor character in the movie though!You must've paid a lot of attention to the little guy. As for Morpheus, you really define his point of view well too.
A well rounded story! Congratulations.
*Hugs Mouse Chibi* _ Added to favorites.
| Amaratta chapter 2 . 1/12/2008
Writing in first person is a difficult thing to do since you have to study that character for some level so you'd know what kind of thoughts that character would have in his/her head. And since you've chosen one of the minor characters, it's even more tricky. [Of course, the good point is no one really knows him all that much to say if he's in or out of character, but that could also backfires since you wouldn't know him well enough to reflect him.]
Anyway, you've done a nice job writing this story. It's one plausible way to describe the relationship on board of the Neb. Though I think Trinity is acting a bit strange for someone who's heard she'd be in love with some unknown guy (especially when she'd mentioned that she never cared about what a fortuneteller would say), I'd let that skip for I always have a twisted way to look at her.
While Morpheus's POV is a little too short for my liking, you've captured his thought nicely. In fact, there're two things I like about this part. 1. the way people were too busy worshiping Neo to realize that Trinity also had her part in bringing peace. 2. the way you reflect Neo's and Trinity's relationship.
My only criticism is the way you change the point of view in the middle of chapter 1. I think it'd be much smoother if you just showed the conversation Mouse'd overheard without changing the viewpoint (because he's overheard it, right? But then again, you wouldn't be able to show the way people in that room looked because he wouldn't see it unless he poked his head in. Well...everything has two sides.)
Anyway, I'd say this is your best work so far. You have certainly improved from where you've started. [Nice paragraphing, by the way.] Keep writing. From the way I see it now, I'm sure there'll be much greater fics coming from you in the future.
| Sanzi chapter 2 . 1/6/2008
Once again, beautiful work) And I love the fact that you pointed out that Neo and Trin are equals in their relation, don't know exactly why but I just do. And you've captured the Morpheusness of Morpheus so well, it's...stunning. )
| Silver-Ashes chapter 1 . 1/5/2008
This is a lovely double helping of challenge-fic, RA.
Mouse: First-person pieces can be a tricky thing to manoeuvre when it comes to finding just the right note for an already established character's voice. I really enjoyed this chapter because it captured well the voice of a young man as slightly warped as our dear Mouse. A couple of sentences struck me as a little too familiar with the reader; you need to make a decision as to whether he's recounting events in his mind as the story unfolds or whether he actually communicating *with* the reader (and stick with that convention throughout). It's not a major saga and certainly doesn't ruin the piece, it's just something to be aware of.
Morpheus: This piece carries off the wisdom that Morpheus had in him always, and the love that he felt for his 'daughter'. It's a sad story, because we all know how it ended, but you capture his solemn vow to continue Trinity's memory in a very thought-provoking and genuine way.
Lovely pieces, and thanks for the contribution you're making to TLG.
| Jose Cohen chapter 1 . 1/2/2008
A little on the simple side, and rather angsty for Mouse . . . but the amazing closing line makes up for a lot of that. Well done.
| Meowen chapter 1 . 12/20/2007
Great fanfic! I like the way you've illustrated the relationship between mouse and Trinity, it sounds very in-character, exactly like one could expect it to be) I also like how he's playing pimp, and...And I just love everything about this fic, love the way you've describe Mouse, Trinity, Neo, Morpheus and all the others on the ship)