|Reviews for This & That|
| carterfinley chapter 2 . 12/1/2008
Okay, seriously, aside from everything that Jessiebee said, that I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH, I have my own reasons as to why this story is unbelievably bad.
So Vallon Smith is a doctor, Dr. Dolittle AND Superwoman? Because last time I checked, one woman could not build a three-story high treehouse. And I highly doubt lions, tigers, bears and wolves all hang out together.
I don't know everything about leeches, but I'm pretty sure they can't give blood back to people. They suck it out, like food.
Did Vallon Smith shipwreck with an entire hospital on board? That's how outrageous this sounds. And trust me, I've been around IVs for a great deal of my life. That would have to be one HUGE bag to fit an entire IV kit and suture kit and everything else Super Doctor seems to have handy.
You don't explain anything.
Your sentence structure is childish.
The bold text is annoying.
Please delete this and seriously reconsider your journey into writing. This is a crime to the fandom.
| Bobbie3926 chapter 2 . 11/22/2008
I like it so much. Thanks for the chapter. Hope there is another one out really soon. Keep up the great story.
| thejacinthsong chapter 1 . 11/21/2008
Jessiebee already told you everything. Get off this site, or at least LEARN how to write. Take this shit off the site, and leave the stories for people who know how to write
| Jessieebee chapter 1 . 6/19/2008
Woah. Yeah, this pretty much sucked.
First of all, what's with all the random bolding? Do you always do that for dialogue? Kind of unnecessary, there's these lovely things called quotation marks. Second of all, please don't use the "and" sign (&) in your stories. That is not proper grammar, or even a word. Also, can you please find a more descriptive word to use than "stuff"? And less often? Thanks.
Um...something bad always happens when Eric's around? Can you please provide more evidence than the oysters? He told Nathan in The Tide that he was "charmed guy", unnaturally popular and lucky.
What is a shark doing that close to the shore? Hangin' out or something? I know people get attacked by sharks, but why do you think the attacks are rather rare? Sharks don't go to the shore, they prefer to hang in the MIDDLE of the ocean, away from civilization.
Okay...what was with that random woman? Why were lions, tigers, bears, and wolves chasing her? Bears and wolves and tigers and lions do NOT live in that area of the world - the plane crashed on an ISLAND, not the forest or Africa. Also, if she was in danger of the animals behind her, why did she rush into the water to a SHARK? Is she suicidal on top of crazy?
Why was Eric at the bottom of the ocean? He was at the SHORE, collecting seaweed. He only waded a few feet before getting attacked. If he was at the bottom of the ocean, it'd be shallow enough for him to stand. And no currents can carry him away from the shore - he wasn't far enough out for undertow. Plus he wouldn't have enough time to get carried, the woman killed the shark pretty fast. Speaking of that, wouldn't a shark put up a greater fight?
Why did the animals follow the woman? I see now that she's not in danger of them, she can COMMAND them? Wow...didn't know you were freaking CS Lewis here.
How in the hell did "Vallon Smith" fit an IV in her medical bag? Do you know how big and complicated that shit is? And how did she plug it in? Did she have a power plant in that bag as well? Oh, and she was lucky there was a "pole" next to her to put the IV on. Because there are PLENTY of poles around on deserted islands.
Leeches help with the blood loss? Yeah, help him lose MORE. Leeches would just suck more blood out of his body. The goal would be to keep the blood in. And why does she need moss? To decorate the IV pole or to stop more blood loss? Please explain how freaking MOSS can do that.
Is this an AU? Why did you write that Vallon left the notes? That was Taylor's thing, remember? Did you even WATCH the show?
Why doesn't it surprise me that not only do lions, tigers, bears, and wolves obey the almighty Vallon Smith, but sharks do too? I know Flight 29 Down is listed as a children's show, but the idea that sharks are "nice" and willing to "play" with you and follow you around for "six years" is just way to childish to even be associated with this show.
And you conclude with the morbid idea that Eric might die? Well, YES he will, if she's using freaking LEECHES to stop blood!
This is a complete rape of this fandom. You need to take this down or seriously consider getting a beta. And the only reason I can flame this and be able to sleep tonight is the fact that I already reported about six of your stories because they were interactive NON-stories. Aside from slightly naucious, this story makes me really, really, really wish they listed canon rape as an option for abuse report.
| dramaqueenchris405 chapter 1 . 12/23/2007
srry i kind of just breezed through the chapter becasue when i read the summary it reminded me of aother story just like yours. srry but the mysterious gilr after a shak bite attack has been done.
| Sohmaboyfangirl chapter 1 . 12/22/2007