|Reviews for A Rare Gift|
| lunarmidnightwolf chapter 9 . 7/21/2016
loved it please continue
| aight chapter 9 . 11/3/2015
I hate you! You are evil!
| Guest chapter 8 . 10/26/2015
Nice work, keep writing. I look forward to more now that Dom and Kel are together.
| Guest chapter 5 . 5/27/2013
I love it and can't wait until their is more to this budding story.
| KimchiGirl chapter 10 . 10/21/2010
you should update soon. I luv ur writing and I would love to see how it would end.
| sammyfish chapter 10 . 7/5/2010
I love it :) and love the pranks you've pulled too - you've captured the spirit of fun!
Suggestions for the story?
well, Cleon has to find out about Sylvia (obviously he's ALMOSt worked it out, just not quite twigged). I'd like to see more about why his mother supports Kel too. Cleon also still seems to like kel to some extent - maybe he'll approach her about either dancing with Dom or her relationship with him overall?
I know it's been a while since you've worked on this, but I'd really love you to continue :)
| vampiremuggle chapter 10 . 4/23/2010
Love this story! ! ! Oh, and as for ideas for where this could go: Cleon finding out Silvia is his, Dom proposing, a marriage would all be good things...Please try to update soon!
vampiremuggle at gmail dot com
| ilyjunior23 chapter 10 . 2/15/2010
I hope you haven't stopped writing I love it!
| studentofwords chapter 10 . 8/9/2009
Good, especially for a first story.
| WhenTheBloodMoonDies chapter 10 . 7/2/2009
Cleon should find out about Silvia soon!
erm... is this a Dom/Kel story or a Cleon/Kel story? i would assume that it is a Dom/Kel but i wasn't totally sure on that account.
you could have it that Cleon finds out about his daughter then is all angry and talking about 'have a right to know,' and 'I wouldn't have married her...' and all this jazz but then Kel interrupts him by saying that she's moved on and walks off...
i dunno i ran out of idea's...
hope that helped you to get some more ideas!
| The Lady Grace chapter 10 . 12/28/2008
I have read this piece tonight, and I must say it shows quite a bit of promise, and I like the premise.
A suggestion I would make to improve this would be to add more description to your writing. It will make the chapters longer, and make the story truly come to life.
I would also suggest finding a beta, or someone to check for mistakes and such like before a new chapter is posted. Betas are invaluable to all writers, new and old.
Best of luck with this story!
| Olive-Whisperer chapter 10 . 12/28/2008
YAY! Hurry up! you've been writing this thing for a year and a half and i don't like waiting long there is already enough writers who do that. thank you
I Whisper to the Olives;)
| AmethystEyes0 chapter 10 . 12/28/2008
lol i have the same problem with my story.
good story so far. maybe have cleon overhear kel and dom say that he is the father? i dont know you don't need to use my idea...
| Confusedknight chapter 10 . 12/28/2008
Hey there! Just had a quick peruse through your story ;D It's very good for a first fanfic and the more you write, the better it becomes. This is evident here as your writing improves throughout these 10 chapters.
A few pointers:
Try to keep the story in one point of view. It gets very choppy when you have one paragraph of 'Neal's pov' and then one paragraph of Kel's.
Don't interrupt the text with author's notes, again this interrupts the story that you're telling.
Occasionally you have written '2' or '3' or whatever number it was, make sure to write 'two' and 'three'.
For page breaks, instead of going x.x.x.x., once you've uploaded the document to , click on the 'edit' bit and you'll be able to add in proper lines...it's not essential but I find it useful :D
On the good side, I like the humour between Neal and Dom, they're very laid-back characters that you can do more or less anything with. I would caution Kel though, she is very reticent, and thinks more than she says. -"You’re kidding right? You, not being difficult? About your best friend and your cousin? Together? You?” That seems to be a little out of character for her.
I also enjoyed the moment where Kel and Dom realised their feelings for each other; that was nice because it had built up until you could feel the tension.
Your spelling is good :D Just work on making the chapters a little longer and sort out where the plot is going. Sit down and see if you can sketch out where this is going next and the ending. Obviously at some point Cleon will have to realise about Silvia, but apart from that you can do nearly anything you want! The power! :P hehe. Having a plot written down, even if you don't stick to it, will prevent you from just rolling chapters out that have no direction until they just fizzle away. (I made this mistake with my first long story!) Hehe.
I wish you good luck with your writing -just keep at it! This is really good :D
| Baby Fawn chapter 10 . 12/28/2008
cant wait to read more any way this story go's would be good..