|Reviews for Untouchable|
| anonymous chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
That was... incredibly sweet. My teeth hurt now. D:
| psykomaker.exe chapter 1 . 10/17/2008
So cute! I feel like hugging something cuddly when reading this story. But I have to say I'm rather confused: Does Lyn just realized her true feelings or what? It's rather abrupt.
| Sierralaine Walsh chapter 1 . 5/25/2008
*squeal* OMG! This has got to be my favorite! I totally luff it! Isn't there a sequel of some sorts? I really loved it.. Do write more fics like this..
| Armads chapter 1 . 2/25/2008
I think what was "off" about it was that it was too rushed. "For loving you" How about: "For falling in love with you milady..." It just seems to flow better and is in character a little more.
Also instead of "As you say. But what-" Perhaps "But milady! I-" Or something like that. Then Lyn could express that he need not address her as such any more and that she wanted him to address her informaly. I don't think Kent would have changed his mind-set so swiftly therefore add more transition between chivalry and informality.
Instead of letting Kents smile respond to Lyn's question, how about leading them into a discussion that deals with Kent coming around to changing his mindset on love. (I know it wouldn't be easy to come up with but if you can I think it would work wonderfully)
I did not expect Lyn to think he was ashamed of her. Interesting little twist.
Nice way to end it and over all I liked it. I added you to my favorite list and the story as well. Keep up the good FE7 fics!
| FireEdge chapter 1 . 2/21/2008
*Squeal* _ It's so cute! XD OMG, I loved it, it was so... adorable. They kinda seemed like teenagers (of modern society, that is), while still being in character. But, WOW, I can't believe Kent would be that brave to kiss her so many times in one night! *Claps* Good job, Kenty-boy. I think that what Lyndis thought (about him being ashamed of serving her) was actually pretty plausible. While we know Kent isn't like that, it was a rather reasonable conclusion. Anyway, I really enjoyed that and it made me feel all giddy and happy. D
| Trevor X chapter 1 . 1/28/2008
You do a very good job with writing characters and their interactions. And I think you did very well with your characterizations. They felt right.
I can't state it any better than that. Hope this helps.
| little-chibi-girl chapter 1 . 1/25/2008
your writing is excellent! just had to get that out of the way...
anyway I loved that you gave Lyn a habit (touching) it seemed true to her character and was useful to the plot. Kent was dead on. umm yea I guess I could tell you had trouble at the end, but I think it worked. I can't really see anything else happening. XD keeping people in character is hard (take it from someone who can't XD) so i thought you did a great job!
| Fan Fan Girl chapter 1 . 1/5/2008
Okay, here's another respond-as-I-read kind of review. Down with organization and logical flow of thought. Boo.
First of all, I can imagine Lyn as being a touchy-feeling person. Especially because she's Sacean - she'd probably be more intuned to to her sense of touch and, well, her surroundings in general. And her sadness, her longing for love, would drive her to even more physical contact. Explains why her personality is so different from Rath's. Then again, what about Wil...?
[“Why do you think he does it?” she had asked her lavender-haired friend one night as the stars sparkled overhead.] (I'm stealing your bracket system from now on. XD) This sentence... Waxing poetic, are we?
[The more time that passed, the more she found herself trying to figure out the puzzle that was Kent. She tried touching him, several times…but whenever her fingertips brushed against the material of his shirt- at his elbow, his back, or his shoulder- he tensed, and though he did not move even an inch, she could tell that every bone in his body was telling him to back away. Reluctantly, she let him go every time.] I particularly like this paragraph. Descriptive, perceptive, and it shows rather than tells. Yay!
And I like how Lyn pursues the answer to the mystery that is Kent by asking her friends one by one. First Florina, then Sain, and finally Kent himself. Hahahha. But Lyn fails.
And for some reason, Kent is hawt in this fic. I don't know why. Maybe it's the MIDNIGHT ENCOUNTER or something. XD That part is awesome. And he's got such a tight rein on himself, it's like he's Mr. Darcy with red hair. And we all know that Mr. Darcy pwns like a madman. Man. That was an awesome scene. Lyn was getting all touchy-feely... XD
Though it seemed kind of sudden that Lyn was feeling sort of romantic toward him... In the beginning, she just wanted to know why he didn't like her. When she found out that he loved her, she was like, "Oh, well then, in that case..." Yeah.
"May I kiss you?"
That was cute.
I think the "off" bit you were talking about was Lyn's characterization. She was fine in the beginning, but I thought that she was a little forward towards the end... It wasn't too much of a problem, though, and it showed a less-mature side of her that doesn't often come up in fics. I actually liked this fic a lot; it's probably my favorite Kitten Kisses story so far! Great job!
| wolfraven80 chapter 1 . 1/1/2008
I actually quite liked your portrayal of Lyndis. The idea that, because of her background, she developed a deep-seated need for physical contact worked really well I found. I also like the part where she has trouble understanding Kent’s sense of shame due to the liege/retainer distinction– this really makes Lyndis’s pov her own.
As for the ending, I suppose it did feel a little rushed in a way, perhaps because of how easily Lyn says "I love you." It’s clear in the story that she’s fond of him and he desire to understand him clearly suggests her interest, but to go from that to being able to tell him she loves him seems a bit hurried since she really hasn’t had time to process her feelings the way Kent has. Kent accepts her feelings very quickly–- though with Lyn that close how can we blame him? ; D It might have helped to wrap things up a little less, to leave us with the impression that they’ll still need to work on things, that complete resolution lies in the future and that this is only a start. Something like that, maybe?
That said, it’s an enjoyable story and I particularly like that closeness between them in the last scene. That whole section rang true with me. Her comments about her society’s view on love, her sense of inadequacy as an apparent noble and her protests that it’s only blood, not who she really is–- that all worked very well and I quite enjoyed the dialogue in that section. I also enjoyed that it was him reaching for her at the end; that was a nice touch, too.
This is a lovely piece! Here’s hoping 2008 has lots more in store!
| dont look at me you will die chapter 1 . 1/1/2008
I personally think that Kent and Lyn were pretty in character though I was kinda wondering; Kent was hiding his love, then Lyn gets him to express it but when did Lyn love him back? Did she already love him? I can't tell (and maybe it's just me). But I liked your story nonetheless. It was a cute little romance :)
| Edward Houshi chapter 1 . 12/31/2007
This is really cute! It did seem a little off, but still really warm, and I enjoyed it a lot.
| Kitsilver chapter 1 . 12/31/2007
Interesting...how Lyn feels the need to come in contact with the people she speaks to. I can see why she would do so after losing her parents, but it feels a little off, probably because it implies a sort of vulnerability that doesn't fit my view of her.
And later when she tells him that she's not a very good leader, that also doesn't feel right. She's nervous and confused, but I don't think the first thing she'd do is blame herself or doubt her abilities.
The ending feels too happy considering the mood of the piece. Resolution of the conflict seems too easy, and the way they kiss and make up at the end feels...forced.
The conflict and resolution didn't feel natural. But it was cool seeing it in Lyn's PoV and I like that you mentioned the differences between Lycian and Sacaen society. I think you've written better LynxKent pieces, but it wasn't bad.
Keep up the writing, and have a great New Year Manna!