|Reviews for Welcome to Drama Academy|
| Xxx.Promise.To.Love.You.xxX chapter 1 . 4/26/2011
Amazing story! I loved it so much, it's one of my favourites... I adore fictions where Edward goes from player and heart breaker to steady boyfriend so I enjoyed this one a lot.
It has really interesting plot and it made me laugh more times that I can count. Loved Jamie, Dylan and Cody! Such a cuties...
Bella and Edward were really sweet and romantic. And it was awesome reading about basketball (usually it's baseball or hocky or something).
So thank you for sharing such a good story! :D
| ghjhkd chapter 1 . 4/10/2011
I'm a stickler for grammar and stuff so after I read this I reread it and jotted down most of the grammatical errors. They really aren't a big deal but:
“My father, Charlie Swan, was a movie producer. He wasn't well known or anything so I don't think any of you have heard of him, but then again, what movie producers were famous? Nobody ever paid attention when the credits began rolling. It was the movie stars that get all the fame and glory.”
You keep changing between the past and present. Even though most of your story is in the past, your style of writing allows for the occasional present, in like a self-reflection or thought, but in this situation you address the reader in the present tense, so you have to go with it. Talking about Charlie in the past tense is perfect, but when you’re speaking in general it should be in the present.
Although the statement is completely false as there are a huge amount of famous movie producers, here how it should look:
“My father, Charlie Swan, was a movie producer. He wasn’t well known or anything, so I don’t think any of you have heard of him, but then again, what movie producers are famous? Nobody ever pays attention when the credits begin rolling. It is the movie stars that get all the fame and glory”
“Anyway, he lived in Beverly Hills, the far-famed 90210 while I lived in Brooklyn, New York with my mom, Renee.”
Anyway, he lived in Beverly Hills- the far-famed 90210- while I lived in Brooklyn, New York with my mom, Renee.
“But come on, do you honestly expect me to call someone who was old enough to be my sister mom or stepmom for that matter?”
But come on, do you honestly expect me to call someone mom or stepmom if she’s young enough to be my sister?
-“For that matter” is used when there is more than one thing mentioned. Because you have just that one, “for that matter” seems out of place.
If you meant the “for that matter” to be on the “stepmom” then I misunderstood, but you should still change it because it might be confusing to readers, as it was to me.
“He always told me real estates were good investments”
He always told me real estate was a good investment.
“I always thought the kids looked ‘cool.’”
I always thought the kids looked cool.
“East Coast Academy had a population of two thousand students compared to the four hundred back home in New York”
The numbers should be reversed. Public schools, or even private, in Brooklyn or New York City are overcrowded. I live in NYC and we have a school of more than 3400. A more reasonable number would be in the couple thousands.
Boarding schools usually have less than 1000 students. 500 might be more accurate, but I understand that in this story it makes no sense if there aren’t a lot of students yet so many buildings and restaurants, so keeping it at 2000 would be fine.
“Palm trees were lined up neatly along the sidewalk whereas the flower bushes below them were nicely trimmed into shapes.”
Take out the “whereas.” That is used for differences. This is saying the palm trees where neat, and also the bushes. If you were saying one was neat and the other wasn’t, that would be the time to use “whereas.”
“’You don't have a roommate?’ I asked tentatively, slightly intimidated by the gorgeous blonde in front of me.”
There isn’t any reason for Bella to think that Rosalie doesn’t have a roommate. Instead, she might ask, “does everyone have roommates here?” or something along the lines of that.
As it turned out, there wasn't a cafeteria in this school. There were different kinds of shops, restaurants… even hotdog stands. It was as if we were living in a mini town. We passed by many chain stores like Pizza Hut, Subway… they even had a shop strictly for ice cream- Haagen-Dazs. Crazy, was all I could think.
Because Bella is from New York, she should be familiar with Haagen Dazs. There are plenty in NYC. So, she shouldn’t think it’s crazy. Another store, possibly? Or maybe you should change the “Crazy, was all I could think” part and put in something along the lines of “It really was over the top. Why would they need all of these shops?”
“When we reached Hal's, I saw two good-looking guys sitting outside and waiting at the table.”
Really simple: it shouldn’t be “the table,” it should be “a table,” because she, first of all, doesn’t know that they are waiting for her, and second of all, she doesn’t know that she, Alice and Rosalie are going to sit at that table.
“Emmett had ordered two refills of his Coke while we ordered.”
This is just confusing. You can’t order two refills at once. Did you possibly mean he had gone through two glasses?
And a basketball star would know not to drink coke after practice.
Nobody has perfect grammar, especially not me, but I noticed these and wanted to point them out. Please don't take this the wrong way. I love your style of writing and I like this story.
| honest ink chapter 1 . 4/2/2011
Well, I can't believe you're giving up just because flamers exist. Congratulations on your effort to turn it into a real novel, but seriously? You do realize that half of them are only flaming you because they hate Twilight (not that I blame them...it's a series dedicated to and narrated by a Mary Sue, it would drive anyone crazy. That's not the point here, though).
If you were getting serious criticism, about characters or plot or syntax, then that's great. That's why you write fanfiction, to get that sort of advice for your work. If you were getting mindless 'this sukz i can't believe u cud rite sumthing so stupid' then I think we both know who's the idiot there. You pity them, you don't give up!
I respect your decision. I've written fanfiction of my own, and I know how vulnerable you feel. I still wish you wouldn't let them get to you.
...not to be a critic here or anything, but you do realize intention is spelled with a 't', instead of, you know, 'intension.' Not that I'm trying to be a total hypocrite or whatever. I can't spell worth a damn, so...yeah.
| redflashlight chapter 1 . 3/28/2011
you've got to finish this please, this is my first twilight fic i've read.
| ashijain chapter 1 . 3/25/2011
please i want to read the rest of the story...please mail me..
| So Easily Mistaken chapter 1 . 3/13/2011
cant wait to finish this!
| FanficADDICT chapter 1 . 3/3/2011
Hi, I really love the first chapter of your story. This STORY. Many people said that this is a really great fanfiction, and i have to say, they are right. I was just hoping that you can upload the other chapter now? Please. I really wanted to read it so badly! :) And Good luck.
| TwiHeartGleek chapter 2 . 3/1/2011
You have to right more I'm begging you it's really good!
| bellacullenmccartywhitlock chapter 1 . 2/12/2011
More! Update soon please! :)
| mary-v chapter 1 . 2/8/2011
Well, I'm most definitely intrigued. I looked up your story on google and I read a bunch of positive comments so I'd really love to read the whole thing! I'm assuming you're changing the names for the published version? Either way, I'm looking forward to it! Good luck! :)
| SarahhhD chapter 2 . 2/8/2011
I'to my favorites, simple so i can buy as soon s its released
| The New Flock Member chapter 2 . 2/6/2011
Hm, I might get said book now. Can you PM me more details for buying it? Anything with over 10k reviews is gotta be worth having.
| topazgirl14-2 chapter 1 . 2/4/2011
hey, listen, i have only read one chapter and im hooked onto this. please odnt stop writing. please put the chapters back up. whoever said this story is crap obviously doesnt know what they're talking about and all i got to say to them is "screw you" but please i beg of you to put the rest of the chapters up. i dont know if ur reading this but please... i need this story. don't leave me hanging. help a girl out. ill check everyday for updates. please please please put this back on. i will forever be grateful. thanks :)
| obsessed edward cullen fan1901 chapter 2 . 1/31/2011
I just wanted to let you know that I just read this chapter for the first time and wanted to let you know that what i read is very good and you shouldnt let ignorant people decide what is good for you, You need to do what feels good you love writing I can tell I am just sorry i wont get to read the rest of this because I really likes what i read so far. If there is somewhere else I can read this please let me know and I am going to check out your other stories now. Just dont let other people decide for you.
| ak chapter 2 . 1/25/2011
well , its a really a good start hoping you to update soon