|Reviews for Journey Into Mystery 11|
| Excel chapter 1 . 2/7/2008
| Malim chapter 1 . 2/7/2008
| gen x chapter 1 . 2/4/2008
| Lorendiac chapter 1 . 1/22/2008
Well, I've been wondering all along if you were planning to set things up for Jane and Don to finally get married and enjoy the "happy ending" they never got in the original continuity. The suggestion in this chapter that Odin COULD permanently split Thor and Don into different individuals - IF he happened to feel the overwhelming need to go to all that trouble, I suppose - offers one possible way to arrange a "happily ever after" scenario. I'm still not sure what you actually intend to do, but at least you're dangling that possibility in front of us for the time being. And since we end up with Don Blake finally "back home" in dear old Asgard, even though he didn't particularly want to be there, it seems as if you're moving close to showing Odin reaching some sort of "final decision" regarding just who is going to end up wielding Mjolnir in the long run, after things get settled.
Now for a few obligatory nitpicks:
At one point the Radioactive Man says:
* “Beware America, the Radioactive Man roams your streets!” *
Needs another comma. He's not really talking ABOUT America, he's talking TO America, so the name of the thing he is addressing very much needs to be set off by commas, in order to separate it from the rest of his remarks. "Beware, America, the Radioactive Man roams your streets!" As it now stands, without a comma after "beware," it looks as if he's telling someone else entirely that they should "beware America," as in "Be afraid of America, you fools!" In context, it's clear that he didn't really mean it that way, but the missing comma makes a huge difference!
On a very similar note - a bit later in the story we have this.
* “Hold villain!” A booming voice order high above the storm. *
There should be a comma before "villain" - to make it clear that the heroine is not telling someone else to "hold [that] villain!" but rather addressing the villain himself and telling him to "hold." Also, it should say "booming voice ordered" instead of "booming voice order." And I think I'd put a comma after "ordered" as well, although that may be debateable.
And one very confusing point at the end of this story -
* Looking to the sky, he shouted in a voice that carried from the mountain all the way to Bifrost. “I swear, if my son dies, all of Midgard shall pay! So swears Odin!”
Unseen by all, Loki gleefully rubbed his fingers together. “Yes, that would truly be the end of Asgard, would it not? I wonder what my dear sister would have to say about that?”
The trickster silently left the hall. “Worry not dear father, thy valiant son shall once again roam the Realm Eternal, but it will be as my puppet!” *
Odin is swearing vengeance upon Midgard if Thor/Don dies. But then Loki says: "That would truly be the end of Asgard." Did you mean to have him say "the end of MIDGARD"? I suspect you did, because a moment later Loki is talking about his plans for Thor and "the Realm Eternal" - which means Asgard, I believe? - as if he figures Asgard is not actually going to come to an end anytime soon, although I gather he wouldn't shed many tears if Midgard got demolished.
(Incidentally, since Loki is technically speaking TO his "dear father" in that last sentence of dialogue - rather than just ABOUT him - even if dear old dad doesn't hear a word of Loki's remarks, and wasn't meant to! - you need a comma right before "dear father," for the same reasons I mentioned above in other examples.)
| They call me Bruce chapter 1 . 1/8/2008
This chapter was good dude!
| Wolvmbm chapter 1 . 1/2/2008
Uh-oh, I can see that things are going to be so well for Lady Thor. :(
Plus with all of these female versions of the Marvel Heores, it would be fun to see your version of the Avengers, sometime in the future. ;)
Once again, this is great work and I can't wait for the next chapter in your adventure. :D