Fuck you, Alice

f

I know word count is a big deal, but there should be bag for the buck, so to speak. Edward is a grown man and so is Bella. she should need a play by play of her roommates whereabouts.

My thoughts, content of dialogue. Its fiction, but the conversations should make sense and to me, the males in these stories sound too ridiculous. Guys don't talk like this.
Possessiveness isn't attractive. "Don't be reckless," has been overused and so out of context in FF. These are grownups. the should act like it and treat others like it.
I love word count, but make it count.

I really hope that if you're still written in any capacity that you'd consider changing POVs. Chapters like this read very redundant and the character insight isn't really worth an 85% chapter recap. Or just carry on with the story from the two perspectives without backtracking. This is fanfic and readers are notorious for wanting multiple POVs but I find them not worth it in general.

I going to keep going a few more chapters, but this is not great dialogue. Edward is too possessive. I'm amazed at how Bella keeps getting written as a complete idiot with overbearing friends...? As if she got drugged on purpose.

I'll say this, the premise of the story is basically good, but I hope it gets flushed out better as it continues because these first two chapters are a bit over the top.

I find Bella as a whole character weak.

Bellas a bitch

Cunts

Ugh Bellas such a cunt

What about that damn CD that rude bitch stole and destroyed with her grubby hands and jealousy

c

Rosalie is better in this story than the movies/books

Great story. Wish it ended with a proposal and . Thanks for writing it

Such

I think they are being silly