|Reviews for The Return of The Grail|
| VampireNinjaz chapter 5 . 8/19/2014
Why is lancer acting like a butt
| domimangas fans chapter 14 . 12/18/2013
They rejoiced with of cling of glasses...
Kotomine Kirei says REJOICED
| shailfire chapter 8 . 11/17/2013
... *facedesk* I tried. I'll give this a 4/10 but I commend you for your effort, however I'm still not hooked, only slightly interested but not enough to keep reading at 2 AM. I will see about finishing this up tomorrow but with the amount of out of character activity going on, I think you'd be better off making OCs.
| shailfire chapter 6 . 11/17/2013
Far too much out of character going on here..
Releasing magical energies of unknown proportions? Um, no, bull shit. Shirou doesn't have alot of magical power, his circuits are fairly subpar. Decade long of forgetting? Also bull shit.
Illya would have likely sent Berserker after him to kick some ass and Archer could most likely hit him from 2-3 miles away with his bow, iirc he could take out a building from 3 miles away via broken phantasm and he is one of the most badass servants and you just wrote him out as a little bitch.
Still not hooked nor overly interested, will keep reading up to chapter 7.
| shailfire chapter 5 . 11/17/2013
Previous chapter was far too short, need a bit more dialogue between Lancer and Saber but you did a good job of portraying Lancers personality at least, that is the most likely outcome I could see of him meeting Saber, another duel.
No way in hell Saber would have gotten wounded that quickly, nor would Lancer fall for such a cheap trick as you one you wrote in. Gae Bolg is FAR more powerful than the joke you wrote it out to be, it manipulates destiny itself to go straight for your heart with a cursed spear that doesn't heal(Sabers regen is useless - has to heal naturally so it's slow as hell) normally. Normally this is a one hit kill but Sabers instinct and luck are practically precognition, according to Lancer she is the only person to ever survive Gae Bolg after he uses it.
Saber would have stopped fighting Lancer immediately upon realizing there was someone watching in order to protect her Master and in addition she wouldn't have fainted from something so simple as a wound like that with only a few minutes(if not seconds) of battle. She's one of the most powerful servants of the most powerful class, and you basically have her appearing as a normal weak girl with a shiny sword. Unless there was some serious shit in that bullet, she wouldn't have batted an eye. From the fight scene I read, she wouldn't break a sweat, nor would any Servant I can think of for that matter(not with such a short fight anyways)
Also Lancer would never go straight into Gae Bolg so quickly
| shailfire chapter 3 . 11/17/2013
Hmm.. I hate to say it, because I REALLY fucking love Saber meeting Shirou again afterstories to the Fate rout.. but this is poorly written, at least this chapter is. It looks like something I'd write (q_q)
For one - introducing Saber. What the fuck is this? "Man I miss Saber so much... feels.." "Oh, hi Saber, have some tea" the hell is this? You downplayed it so much that you ruined one of the best impressional scenes with a fanfic regarding this subject. I can understand Rin not freaking out over the phone if Archer is already back "Hmm Saber is back too? I thought so(insert sex related joke by Rin here - followed by blush/embarassing reaction from Shirou)
Illya is a Homunculus. She doesn't age, and honestly shouldn't have lived more than 3 years past the grail war and would have probably died within a year. Keep in mind she looks 10 and is probably as old if not older than Shirou as of the events in Fate/Stay Night.
The prologue and first few chapters are disgustingly short, the prologue isn't even worthy of taking up a chapter spot on its own, lengthen them or merge them together.
Honestly the first 3 chapters is when you should put out the best impression you can for readers, because that's usually when they decide whether they like it or not, or whether they get hooked, and because of the incredibly short first 2 chapters and the poorly written 3rd, that impression takes quite a drop. Will keep reading and throw out reviews when needed.
| Phlogiston Man chapter 2 . 10/16/2013
The author's not at the beginning is lacking some capitalization. This isn't super bad, but it gives a poor first impression. Also, this is the first real chapter and the whole thing can fit on my screen at once. That is way too short. I know the chapters get longer because of the word count, but it's still a bad first impression. The deal breaker, though, is the combination of those things and the fact that you have an OC with a name similar to your username. Self inserts are almost universally terrible and, from reading the reviews mentioning a sword/sniper rifle, yours doesn't look to be any better.
I read the second chapter as well. I'm not very familiar with the source material, and even I can tell that Saber was out of character. I'm not going to read the rest.
Normally I would be more polite/helpful in a review, but until you can that self inserts will never be as cool as you think, there isn't much of a point. I mean seriously, a sword/sniper rifle? That isn't cool. It's the sort of thing an uncool person would use to try to pretend to be cool. It's the sort of thing that a parody of a Mary Sue would use.
| Guest chapter 22 . 10/26/2012
Never mind. Good job.
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
Keep going and finish it. Please.
| P.chin chapter 6 . 10/16/2011
This is cool.
| pentiumvi chapter 34 . 6/16/2011
Can't wait for the next update! This is a great story! It's been over three years now, don't stop now!
| Markmoonedge chapter 34 . 5/16/2011
Can't wait for the next installment. You're story has definitely got me hooked into reading this from chapter 1 to now in two days straight with almost no sleep. The appeal of a new servant, and one whose origins are so very original is dramatic and beautiful.
| Random Passerby chapter 2 . 8/13/2010
I appreciate you.
| sir lancelot chapter 12 . 5/17/2010
um i dont think saber would lose even if her skill as a knight is no longer as sharp it's because of two reason's one saber having excalibur and two saber having the godlike power of avalon and beside's why didn't she use avalon when she had a chance i'm pretty sure if she had use that i'm prety sure would loose for sure i mean even the king of heroes np had been beaten by saber's avalon even if we say saber's is not as half as strong as she use to I thing saber would still win because of this two following factor. please give some feedback on this
| MarksmanKNG chapter 29 . 4/29/2010
Thanks for reviewing.
1) Yes I do switch in between them. Its a bad habit i got since he has two forms of such names.
2) He does use ice, i've written it for the later chapters. The power wasn't from Arthas. Kel'Thuzard was already capable of summoning the dead for he was a Wizard from the Kirin Tor and then turned Necromancer. (You may refer to the First Warcraft I storyline, its there) His ice abilities picked up after he was resurrected by Arthas in the undead campaign.
3) Yes, it was necessary sadly :(
4) Wait and see :D.
5) I did refer to that link before but I do not use wholly on it. My main reference is from the anime.
Again, thanks for reviewing and I'll be soon to upload the next chapter (Final checking stage)