Reviews for Freefall
mirialin moon chapter 1 . 7/20/2009
I read a bunch of your stories, loved them, and hoped you would write more. This one is no exeption!
BakerStreetIsLastRefugeOfHope chapter 1 . 3/13/2009
A great story. Very good.
Jedi Ani Unduli chapter 1 . 4/12/2008
Loved it. I like how you got Obi hurt...again! Fantastic!
Geri K chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
WoW what a crash landing. Lucky they had a comlink and could reach Corruscant.

Nice short story.
Jillie chan chapter 1 . 2/9/2008
I feel it was rather devoid of emotion. Also Obi-wan could have easily gone into shock. See you soon.
Ann Jinn chapter 1 . 1/8/2008
Love and care, so great to see. Wonderful words were spoken too, before it was to late.

You did a good job with this story.
Darth KenObi-Wan chapter 1 . 1/6/2008
Nice. Keep writing.

D. Ken
i luv ewansmile chapter 1 . 1/6/2008
Oh, when I got the email alert that you've wrote another story the first word that came to mind was, "Yes!". Ahah. I was very excited to see that you wrote an hurt/comfort fic. So yay!

Oh, man, someone had sabotaged their ship's systems. I can't believe that they will have to make a jump out of the ship, that's sucicide pretty much. Great job writing the controlled fear from Qui-gon and Obi-wan.

Ahah. I love how Qui-gon actually tells Obi-wan how he feels about him if they were to die, how sweet, and 'aww' worthy. Aha.

Aww, poor Obi-wan, glad Qui-gon was there to help him.

You've got a great story here. Nicely done on the drama/hurt/comfort scenario.

Might I make a few suggestions. The pacing of your story is nice, but the sentences could be cleaned up a bit. Meaning, making them smoother and less redundant.

Your story has a nice quality about it, your sense of action, mush is good as is the storytelling part of it. But, your writing can be twiqued to give your story an even better edge. It will become even better the more stories you write.

For now, remember simple, little subtile details can help a story become even better. Like your descriptions of Qui-gon cleaning Obi-wan's wounds and setting them does not need to be a step by step telling, make it less mechanical and more appealing to read.


Also, the last two lines, "Good, this mission was too long anyway." he said before he was put into a healing trance by the healer.

Yes Padawan, it was too long, and I'm glad we are both going home."

To put more emphasis on "it was too long" change it to "it was [way] too long" that way Qui-gon is not just repeatin what Obi-wan said but it shows he was affected more so than Obi-wan and he is quite relieved to be headed back home to where Obi-wan will get the treatmeant he needs.

Anyhoo, I loved this story! It was great. I just want to you to acheive your full potential. Can't wait to see more of your work. I will be anxiously awaiting your next story. :)