|Reviews for Suikoden Forgotten Wars|
| Zweiela77 chapter 1 . 2/26/2010
It kinda bit sad to see Lazlo being down and not moving forward.
You also make it wonderful about Paula and Selma, but why are Selma seems close to Lazlo? I think Paula was the one who like Lazlo.
| angel-kamui chapter 3 . 3/2/2008
I'm glad you updated this story. The concept caught my attention from the very beginning. I still want to know how the story will proceed, though I recommend you get a beta reader.
The first two chapters were quite good in the grammatical part, but this one was kind of lacking. Like one of them being the use of "would" for every action (would approach, would leave, would snap, would come). Just write them in past tense (approached, leaved, snapped, came), etc, etc. Also the Rune of Punishment is on his left hand, not the right. There's is no mentioned at the end of game that the Rune jumped hands after it passed to the Forgiveness stage (unless I missed something, though there is no mentioned of it anywhere).
Other things like:
1. Damnit Teresa there is nothing noble about dieing. It should be: Damn it (Dammit) Teresa, there's nothing noble about dying!
2. “Because I am tired of seeing children grow up with their mother and fathers. Paula!” Alan speaking sharply while he picked up his pace toward the large grassy hill ahead. (Wow, he's cruel... maybe you meant: "Because I'm tired of seeing children grow up without their parents. Paula!" Alan spoke sharply as he picked up his pace towards the large, grassy hill ahead.)
Just some suggestions. I don't mean to make you feel bad with this review. This story has potential to become good, so I hope you take my recommendations. _~
| angel-kamui chapter 2 . 2/16/2008
Wow! Nice beginning! I like this story. Please update, don't let this story die, you have a very interesting concept here! _ I added this story to my alerts. :P
| dark drow chapter 1 . 1/9/2008
this type of stories are always a joy to read, the "new beginning to an old end" i always enjoy to see what happens next, seems lazlo is seeing the dark side of immortality, and who better to help him cope then elves, well implemented :3, and i see you mentioned lucia and the karayan? this will be very interesting ,, please continue when ever you can, this truly is a good start to a great story :3
P.S. sorry i have no constructive crit this time( good transitions, good pacing, good emoting) except to please continue to write one can only get better if they keep at it :P