|Reviews for Forced Love|
| Two-Bit Lover chapter 1 . 3/9/2008
hm. its seems interesting. i dont know yet though. i will probably read it though.
| Damusen chapter 1 . 1/8/2008
I hate to be patronising, and so instead of leaving the review there, I shall pick through your entire story. Please, do not assume that I am out to get you, but several things are very wrong with this story, and I'm here to offer constructive criticism.
First of all, Mary Sue's. A character of your own invention, usually a woman, who is exceptionally perfect, possibly with a 'fragile' past, and almost always guarunteed to piss people off. If you're going to create a character, do not, I repeat, do not describe her as an amazonian princess, and DO NOT make her a punk witch with tattoo's. The character alone will guarantee you flamers.
Next, look at how many 'I''s you've got in there. The sentence structure is rather poor, and you've managed to give away everything about your rather empty vessel within about 200 words. The description (aside from reasurring your readers that you do indeed have a Mary Sue) is lacking, and all in all, this is not a winner. Check your grammar as well, but congratulations on the spelling.
Saying that, you obviously have an idea of what you'd like to write, and if you improve the writing quality you'd probably have a few Mary Sue fans. Until then, good luck, I apologise if I sounded overly harsh, and I know that my first few stories were ridiculously bad. Feel free to get angry, yell that I don't know what I"m talking about, all that jazz. I'd be sceptical, but go for it anyway.