|Reviews for The Lost Eon|
| ShugoYuuki123 chapter 4 . 2/11/2015
Really wished you continued this story... Really like it :)
| YukitheRedFox chapter 4 . 1/11/2011
Aww... its such a shame that this story is presently 'dead'... because having read through the four Chapters today, I can safely say that this story is very fun to read, but also very sad, considering the events that have progressed it- especially Simon's discarding of Sarah's name and renaming her Perdita.
I'm a little surprised, though; the effects on her mind were really quick- I'd assume because of the 'great success' Simon's little experiment produced and the way he began to treat her in the first few Chapters really helped produce the Perdita we have in Chapter 4.
It was interesting to see such a large jump in time, though- it actually took me back a little because it was so unexpected for me, seeing as large jumps in time don't tend to occur so soon in a tale, and are usually saved for mid-way or near the very end. Though I'm honestly not criticising the way you have written the story on its time jump- it may have taken me a while to get used to, from Chapter 3 to Chapter 4, but I can see that it fits the story. Maybe I just have a weird sense of story-telling, though... *shrugs*
Anyway, other than a few things that looked odd, which seem to have been pointed out by your extreme Reviewer friend a few reviews down, its is an extremely enjoyable story and the scenes in it make for an effective struggle of one trying to maintain their humanity within a vastly changed form- in her case, with a string of constant instincts to combat along the way.
I think the dream was pretty interesting, though I do agree with some of the things your lengthy reviewer friend mentioned about Perdita's views of the tiny human in her cage, but despite that small point, the dream was very effective, highlighting the struggle between Sarah's human instincts presently locked in the cage, and Perdita's 'wild' (or rather, semi-tamed?) Pokemon instincts that are free of the shackles confining Sarah's will. The reactions of the characters are pretty good, and in particular, the details given to us about the tiny human Sarah really helped to put an image in my mind of what the character looks like.
As I noted at the beginning of this review, its a shame that at present, the story is 'dead', because as a late reader I'd have really loved to continue on with the story to see how the events of the 4th Chapter would have effected the next.
I don't really know why, but Transformation stories are something I can't help but enjoy reading, and this one is no exception. So I hope you do plan on reviving this story, because at the very least, you'll have two people who'll read it and give time for a review of the Chapters you release.
| Kurstin chapter 1 . 9/2/2010
Good story man. I hope you can update it soon.
| Teraunce chapter 4 . 12/22/2008
Can't wait for this to be finished. good story so far. 11/10. faved & alerted.
| DarkPokemonLover chapter 4 . 8/31/2008
I'm going to review this chapter today. God, it has been months since I last reviewed something. You should feel proud, because I don't even do that to F.D. I'm probably going to review his story as a whole once the whole thing is posted. So... let's start with the reading.
That author note is short. Hmm... no review response? Aw... but I wanted to have my review replied to. Then again... I think I was being mad at you for stealing my thunder... or maybe that was chapter 2's review... oh well. Maybe I should actually start reading this. For this review, since I didn't review in a long time, Sparky is going to read along with me. It will add a spicy touch to my reading.
Review #4: Dreamy Review
Hmm... The Dream. Interesting name. The chapter naming pattern "The [Insert common noun here]" is a bit lazy, though. You only have to find one word, whereas I must find two. I guess it works for simplicity sake... I still think it's very lazy.
I wonder what those worst places to be hurt on an eevee body are?
Sparky: Well, I know that on a male, it would be the mati- (I kick him)
See? Even when completely beaten up, Perdita is able to see things positively. Someone I know should learn from her... or pretty much anyone else.
Sparky: ...I'm not that bad...
Umm... so she rarely gets something nice, but she said earlier that she get to go back in her nice cage everyday? Her cage also have a warm blanket, water and food and all she can do is complain about not receiving her gift immediately? I think Perdita is a bit selfish there... it could have been much worse.
Sparky: Psh... yeah, what a crybaby.
(glare at him) You REALLY shouldn't say that.
Hmm... so now she hates being confined? She should make her mind. At least, she does have a word in her head like Sparky. I think someone should tell her that-
Sparky: It's your humanity, Sarah! Come on! Snap out of it! I miss you! Please!
(read paragraph about training methods) You know, I have a bit of mixed feelings that one. Here, you make it sounds like Sarah is helping Perdita in every battle. However, you said in the preceding paragraph that Sarah only affects her here and there. The problem I have with that is that during battles, fear should make her instincts stronger and her humanity should sink further in, not surface more. F.D. has the same thing in his story. If you had wanted Sarah interfere like she does in battle, she should also have more of an impact on Perdita's life outside the battleground. That voice should always be there, at any time of the day. Not just when it feels like coming. It doesn't work like that. At least, it doesn't work like that with a normal person. Sarah's unique mentality could explain it, but if I was to explain that here, there would be a lot Sarah bashing. I think I will read the next paragraph, instead.
Hmm... so now... Perdita's using Sarah when she needs to and tries to calm her when Sarah goes mad at being in the backseat, but can't control her. I thought earlier that you said that she was pretty much just ignoring it and not caring. I'm becoming confused about who is really in control of that brain. Perdita seems to be on the top, but Sarah's actions are lacking proper logic. It really seems like she just come up because you need something to say or something. I try to find a real backbone motivation to all her actions and I can't find anything. Maybe it's just me.
...alright. Now she's content about being there. You know, I was convinced that the narrator was mostly talking about things from Perdita's point of view, but now I'm not so sure. You said at the beginning, I quote, "she hated being confined". And now I see "She often was [content], so long as her training had gone well." I think there is some confusion in your mind about who you are talking about when you narrate. Perdita is an innocent eevee who train and is happy as long she gets good food and petting. Sarah is her humanity that is just trying to survive and hates that place. She can be a mix of the two, but your chapter made it look like Perdita is more in control and the text should reflect that. The text makes it feels like is a 60/40 mix of the two, but the text keep telling me that it's like 80/20 and contradicting itself. It's something really subtle though and I don't think most people would notice. I think the problem is that you write very little of the chapter in each writing session. Maybe you should reread quickly what you wrote before starting writing again. It could help you to "feel the character". Just a little constructive critic like that. It's in a no way a flame.
I enjoyed this part of the chapter. It was a nice synopsis of the events one day of Perdita's life. I think that it fared much better than my own about Jen's in my newest chapter. You went into more details in some places and that's probably better. I guess that I was just a bit too lazy and impatient. Kudos to that. You did better than me on something (don't worry, it's far from being the only thing you did better)
Well... new part, new review. Did you notice that Sparky kind of vanished? I really wonder where he went. If I had to guess, he was frustrated about my negative comments about Sarah and now he is making Paige pay for it... err... wait... that's not a good thing. (go check if Paige is alright)
(return 5 minutes later with a pokeball containing Sparky on my belt and Paige in my hand, being petted and reassured) I gave a quick glance at this section and it seems to be the perfect place to make plenty of references to stuff. I declare this the Fun Facts section of my review.
1. Projects are always named after something relevant. I always thought that the E meant Eevee, but I do realize now that it is better to name it after the eeveelutions, since they are kind of "evolving" humans into pokemon.
2. Illegal experiments in an illegal company are illegal. I always thought that 3 lefts makes a right. I guess I was wrong.
3. Five is a result of the Eon Project. It took him one year, but that random eevee we saw only once in a RP is finally coming back to surface. It's nice to see you again, Five. Jen missed you.
4. The DX project was not shut down. If there was an award about how much a company lies, hide facts, falsify things and is just plainly a bureaucratic maze you never come out of other than in the body of a pokemon, Team Rocket would win it without even trying.
5. Magic doesn't exist. Hmm... you know, I have the urge to hit this Dylan, not only because he is denying the existence of the greatest stupid pachirisu ever, but he is so closed-minded. What he thinks is magic is actually a powerful device containing very advanced technology. So there. He should have a talk with F.D. or my TF Gun. I vote for the gun, because I have the feeling that he is evil and that he needs to spend some time shrunk.
6. Always listen to grunts; they know things. Really... what is Dylan thinking? Grunts are everywhere! They are the pawns! They aren't just stuck in one place and being powerful, they are in many places and working together for the greater success. Dylan should play more chess. Hopefully he will evolves into Espeon.
7. Directors of projects are really busy. So... Perdita is the first successful experiment ever and the leader of the project takes one month before going to see this in person. (blink and pet Paige) Either he got lost in that bureaucratic maze or he really doesn't care much about the project (look at #6). Naw... he is just an incompetent moron.
8. Directors of project are really, REALLY busy. So... it will take him 40 minutes to get down (or up, but probably down) there, but it took him a month to see it by himself? Come on, what is that guy doing of his days? Playing video games in his luxurious office, paying women to do some... services and watching video tapes of the security system to know which employee is stealing sodas from the machine? I thought people at Team Rocket were serious. The more I think about it, Dylan should be a Pachirisu. It would fit him better... and it would give him the opportunity to see by himself that the DX project isn't so down. (smirk)
9. Professors have offices too big. Simon has an office, but it is empty? Why not just give him a corner of the room where Perdita is? If he likes her so much, he would like to be with her more and Perdita would enjoy the company. Beside, Dylan could use Simon's office to store the toys he doesn't play with, because his office is probably cracking full with stuff. That man is so busy in there.
10. Fun Facts always comes in package of 10. I wonder why it is like this. Oh well... (pet Paige more)
Well... this section was a lot of fun. I never laughed so much when talking about the Rockets. I did enjoy this section a lot, even if, as you will have noticed, I think Magic would do a better job than Dylan at being director.
Hmm... I guess the last section is about the dream. I have been waiting for so long about this part. It's probably going to be weird and a lot of fun, knowing you. I hope not to be disappointed.
Err... you weren't awake when you wrote that first paragraph, were you? "just been happily playing happily" and "the eevee sound found herself"? That's the kind of thing someone would expect from me, not you. I'm kind of disappointed. I give you a bonus point because there is something small in a cage talking like a human. That's probably cool.
Oh! A 3 inches tall human! Trying to imitate Paige, you little one? Psh... you will never best her. You were right about that description being detailed. I could almost imagine her completely with those details. This girl is kinda looking like you, Kirb. I didn't know Kira and Sarah were related. Making up characters looking like you is bad storytelling. (look at Rick) ...nevermind. I have to add that Perdita has a really bad memory, but at least, she's in character, for once. Yay! I think you do dream sequences with simpler characters better.
Hehe... Sarah is not scared at seeing a giant pokemon. I guess she doesn't mind much the position of inferiority. (grin) Sarah wasn't any different before, though. She was as blunt. I thought she had become better with time.
Aww... eevee's innocence! Sadly, there is much to say about that paragraph. Next!
Hmm... something felt wrong here. Sarah was acting a bit too childish and Perdita was a bit too serious at first. They said the right things, but not with the right words. Their "minds" are supposed to be differentiated in there, remember? It was close to a mix-up here.
I noticed that you have called Sarah a woman a few times. You said that she looked 18-19, so she should be a teen. I think young woman would have been a good replacement.
Ah... good old angry Es'. Shouting at a giant pokemon rashly, not even thinking about her safety. I missed her. She should have a fan club or something. Maybe Sparky should start one. He did start his own fan club, after all. I think he also made my blog. Crazy chu. (think about PMD1) Crazychu... hehe...
Well... she attacked Sarah. (shake head and pet Paige) Pets should be more obedient. They are in a cage for a good reason, it's because they have been bad. (sigh) They never learn, do they?
The latch on the door opened? Oh wow! There's one hint about the future in the whole chapter! Yay! It was about time! I like Sarah out of her cage more, because I can pet her too... but not as much as Paige, of course...
Well... it seems the dream is over, and with it the chapter. The dream part was cool. Shrunken human, giant pokemon, violence, hint! That's a DPL dream! Next time she has a dream, can I be in the cage with Sarah? I would defend her from the big bad (and hopefully hungry) giant pokemon. I would, really!
(look back at the review.) Well, well, well... it seems that I had a lot of fun today. This review has the same number of words as the chapter itself and is longer than the chapter I posted today. It shows just how much I like this story. Others than my little complains about the narration, the strange typos at the beginning of the dream part and the lack of brain in Dylan, this was a cool little chapter. It was fun to read, enjoyable and it gave me a good occasion to laugh. I hope to see more of this soon. Waiting 8 months for a new chapter is a bit too much.
In conclusion, I will go with a prediction for next chapter: Dylan is going to try to kill Sarah or something and Simon will protect her or find an alternative to have her saved, maybe something that involve her being freed in the woods. That would copy Jen, though. Or... maybe it's the other way around. ;)
P.S.: You don't have to reply to this. It would be too long. Just be happy that I gave you a review so long.
P.P.S.: This lacks a mandatory mention of Pichu. Pichu!
P.P.P.S: (let Sparky out to play and pet Paige again)
| swack16 chapter 4 . 8/31/2008
Alright finally you've updated!
| AltoGuardian chapter 3 . 6/11/2008
Hm...interesting. This story is looking promising, so I will keep an eye on it. However, seeing as how it was last updated in January (it is now June), I don't know if it ever will be updated again. Well anyway, I hope you eventually do update it and good luck.
| deoxys hybrid chapter 3 . 2/7/2008
i thought that eon meant latias and latios. Oh nad uh just to leave you hanging figure this riddle out. tail of nidoran horn of wingull i shall leave you with the eon symbol
p.s if you figure this symbol out you will be able to do anything
| Cross of Fate chapter 3 . 1/15/2008
This is an awesome story, and I truly hope that you continue it. I wonder what's going to happen next though...
| Aggron15 chapter 3 . 1/14/2008
Okay let me explain my rating system. When I first read a work I start with giving a base score yours was 4 because it was a good story and I hoped it might inspire you or something. With every additional chapter I add or subtract points based on how well the first chapter or couple of chapters were. With some cases a story is so good I wan to just give it a well deserved 5 but I am afraid that that might hinder growth. This chapter was excellent, you are attacking a type of transformation that isn't normally tackled (transformation of the mind) and you are doing excellent. Please continue to write, I can't wait.
Judgment This story really expanded on the transformation of the mind. I really like it 4.3 out of 5
| swack16 chapter 3 . 1/14/2008
man Just as I thought Simon can't be even more of a jerk he renamed Sarah as Perdita! Thats a new low!
| DarkPokemonLover chapter 3 . 1/14/2008
Pretty good chapter. Pretty good name too for Sarah, even if it doesn’t sound that good. It happens (maybe you knew it), that “Perd” mean “Lose” in French. I feel like laughing at the irony of it. (laugh) What else… hum… her mother /Melissa/ is dead? That’s sad. I hope she never forget about her and honor her in some way. (wink) Ok… I’m done now. I’m sure there are more serious matters I could discuss here… hum… yes. I liked this quote:
“It wasn’t like she had stupidly walked into that machine of her own will.”
Hey… even trapped in a desperate situation, she finds a way to make Sparktail feel inferior to her. She never stops, doesn’t she? I feel like making Rick hit Sarah right now in our RP for that but… not only it would be bad and ruin the touching mood of the moment, but it would be stupid and prove once more than I rely too much on my emotions. So, instead… wait… I’m going away from the main subject here! I didn’t say anything serious yet…
But I know something that is serious! I think that your grammar wasn’t that bad. It was ok, better that what I had expected. However, I noticed that some transitions lacked some depth. Like if something was missing. I don’t remember any exact point, but there are places where I would have said more. Maybe it’s just me and saying too much at times, but I like when things are complete. You can ignore what I said, though. My opinion is not a fact.
Hum… yep… that cover about everything I had to say. Damn… I’m not able to do a serious review for you. Damn you, emotional attachment! (throw a rock at Bill) So… yeah… I’m done now. Cya! Hehehe…
P.S.: I still think that Simon is a bastard and that he should die. Rick is using his knowledge to help her, at least. Yep… (send Sparktail at Simon and watch him fry the flesh out of him) Aww… it’s so cute the love between them! (evil laugh)
P.P.S: It’s cool that you stole my tradition, because my tradition is sweet for the reviewers. Hum… sweet… I feel like eating a cookie. (leave to eat cookies)
P.P.P.P.P.S: You know that it means Post-Post-Post-Post-Post-Scriptum? Really, I wouldn’t want to say that often. And yes, I know that I skipped two P.S., but I was busy eating cookies.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S: I was about to post this, but I remember that I never commented about your new title. It’s cute and deep and I love it! But Sarah is not an ‘eon… But if she was, I see her as an Umbreon. Umbreon are cool. Much more than Espeon, anyway. Damn those psychic pokemon, always stealing away Sparktail’s thunder…
| Cross of Fate chapter 2 . 1/13/2008
I love this story! Please update again soon!
| Black Knight Dai chapter 2 . 1/12/2008
Very well written story. You have a way of making someone like some a character and then cause the exact opposite in the next. Simon seemed to be like a nice guy then the second chapter reveals he in only in it for himself. Very well done. I look forward to maybe giving you a five out of five in your next chapter.
Judgment solid 4 out of 5
| swack16 chapter 2 . 1/11/2008
Simon That bastard! I hope Sarah can escape soon. it seem she lost some of her human intelligent and gain an Eevee instinct