Reviews for Slap
Pragmatist187 chapter 1 . 9/22/2013
Beautiful little story here. The line, "She is what all of us search for in life, and so very very few of us ever find," is one of the most powerful and sincere things I've had the pleasure of reading in a story and it made it for me. Great job, I hope you continue to write in the future.
Slyfox00 chapter 1 . 9/12/2009
Poor Sachiko, I am glad Yumi was there to nurse her back to "health" lol. I wonder... what will Yumi do when she gets to Youko, thank her or try to kill her? Great story, thanks for writing.
darkwhispersdale chapter 1 . 8/4/2009
Lol I couldnt stop laughing at this comment (and if Youko had entered the Rose Mansion right now, she would have been dead before her ‘gokigenyou’ was done.)

Now I'm postitive I dont want to mess with either Sachiko or Yumi for a fact, it wont be pretty. Great chapter, great story for Sackiko's Onee Sama slapping her, sometimes I think she does need to get slapped to just express her feelings once in a while or top wake up because she obviolsly loves Yumi, which I wish they will get together in the anime:( Taking too longx J
fran-chan808 chapter 1 . 6/28/2008
yay for youko for slappin' some sense into sachiko if i was her i'd do it too, as much as i love sachiko, but you know and i'm sure others agree with me that she deserved it.
Bloody Violet Heart chapter 1 . 5/22/2008
I think...that it waws fantastic!

The writting style is good, the plot is great! It has little to no errors. The story is really well made in all ways.

I honestly think you should continue this...if you haven't already, I haven't checked. But, if a sequel hasn't yet been made, would you please consider it?

Thanks! I loved the story!
clarec97 chapter 1 . 1/28/2008
Great plot, only toward the end do you know taht Youko actually has Sachiko's mum blessing to push her. Heehee, interesting.
Sui-chan chapter 1 . 1/23/2008
Loved it !
EAnIL chapter 1 . 1/10/2008
WOW! Dude this is Super Awesome! _

ya know, while reading the part of Sayako and Youko talking i got the feeling that this fic is the prequel of The House of Love that you make earlier.

but ya really make a great Fic of Yumi and Sachiko! _~

You're Loyal Silent Reader E-ANiL
kurakami chapter 1 . 1/10/2008
Gotta love how Youko conspires with a surprise co-conspirator at the end. About time someone slapped some sense into Sachiko! Fun fic!
Hitori Bocchi chapter 1 . 1/10/2008
Hm... where to start... (I haven't submitted a review in a long time).

First of all, I'll admit that SachikoxYumi is not my favorite pairing from MariMite, so I usually only read oneshots dealing with the couple. Your story was a quick read, and enjoyable, though there were a few hiccups along the way.

Beginning with characterization: It may just be me, but Youko seems slightly out of character. I realize that you are trying to make her the voice of reason, and that she needs to be tough to get through the ignorance that encompasses both Sachiko and Yumi. I also know that Youko can be very stubborn and determined. However, she seems a bit... cruel (for lack of a better word). Intimidation is in her nature, yes, but I do not feel that bullying is (not to the extent that it was written). I do agree with the other reviewers, though; sometimes, a slap may be the only thing to get through to Sachiko. Yumi and Sachiko were well written. Both fit the personalities given to them in the anime and manga. Yumi's reaction to Sachiko's bruised cheek, in my opinion, was classic Yumi.

Now, the technicalities. While your English is much better than many other authors', it could still use a little sprucing up. I'm not going to sit here and type out all the corrections that need to be made, but if you'd like them, just send me a PM (or whatever they call them on this site), and I'd be glad to help you out. As for the story, it's a bit "choppy". It would do you a great deal of good (and English practice) is you tried to add some "meat" to your story. Nothing over the top, but just some more details here and there: scenery, objects, clothes, faces, etc. It makes stories a little more enjoyable than just straight dialogue. Overall, though, it was enjoyable. Keep writing- the world could always use some more MariMite fanfiction.

Hitori Bocchi
uwiechan chapter 1 . 1/9/2008
wow another great story i like youko and her mother the best in this story...keep up the good work and hope that more will be writen...
Syaoran Li Clow chapter 1 . 1/9/2008
Damn it, I was the first one to read the story, but something came out before I could actually reply a review. Never mind, I enjoyed anyway.

You never stop to amaze me; once again you view their relationship from another perspective, involving their Onee-sama as well. Sachiko deserved that slap, for her stubbornness, since she couldn’t refuse her family’s rules and wishes over her, at least she had to accept the only person who truly loved her; the one who would be by her side in those moments of need; in those nights of sorrow and misery. If that bastard of a husband wants to hang out with his lovers, Sachiko has the same right to have someone she truly loves by her side. Thankfully Sayako was wise enough to ask for Youko’s help, seriously, those two ladies were helpless in their love life without Youko to guide them to the light at the end of the tunnel. Now that they have reached that end together, hand in hand, they will need to face the new challenges.

I guess is all for now.
Spikesagitta chapter 1 . 1/9/2008
call of the wedding! *sigh* is what i want to say..but...*shrug* i hate all the animes goes sometimes, still great chapter!
KoBuDo chapter 1 . 1/9/2008
You are marvellous. Your 9th. fanfiction! You are a really hardworker.

I like this story too, just as your other story's.

It was a great idea, that Youko Sachiko telled her, that she is a big fool. And the slap must have been really painful. Poor Sachiko, but i think, she had understand. . The best was the statement from Yumi. This girl has a big heart, full of love for Sachiko. I envy the two.

One question in have on you. This story plays in the Ogasawararesidenz, right? Yumi and Sachiko are in the garden, when they are kissing, and Rei and Yoshino stepped in. These two girls are also guest's or was it a little mistake in your story?

I'm sorry, i would not annoy you, is just a question.

I hope, you write again a story in the next time and then you will get an another comment from me.

Bye!