|Reviews for A Touch of Darkness|
| XxBlack-And-WhitexX chapter 9 . 4/25/2012
I was hoping for a theifshipping.
But I still love this fanfic. Nonetheless
I love how Atem dies in the end. I really don't like him. And I think that Yami Bakura deserves happiness and victory. What he's been through shouldn't be taken lightly. I hate that the original anime killed Yami Bakura :(
ANYWAYS. good job. Good story
| KekiAiKohi chapter 9 . 4/24/2010
| pride1289 chapter 4 . 7/18/2009
Yeah, I've read this before.
| pride1289 chapter 2 . 7/18/2009
I feel like I've read this before...
| AbstractNightmare chapter 9 . 3/30/2009
O 3 O
THAT WAS AWESOME
I really adore YGO fics that add in all the extra details
| Silva chapter 4 . 6/29/2008
I am grateful indeed,she who knows the ancient Rites. *sweeps you low bow,black trenchcoat swirling* And,I will admit,I've never known the full rite,but I've invoked Set a time or two myself. It works. It also comes back to bite you in the ass. Set has the WORST temper,you see,and for a time after you invoke his name or his wrath,whether directing it onto another or yourself, that unbearable temper lingers in the invoker. And,when that temper inevitably gets out of hand,you shall do things you regret later. Without fail. I,being the supposed "Insane Goth Badass" I am,promptly sat in my room and called Set all imaginable names for letting his bad temperament leak into myself(who was already very volatile and easy to provoke in the first place),and he laughed. The worse the names I called him,the harder he laughed. AND what's worse,I stupidly invoked him not long later against a kid who stabbed me and...well...during a school incident with said kid,I lost my temper(not entirely without prodding,and NOT from just Set) and got expelled from my school district. Even Set was shocked at that one,because I couldn't even summon any rage. Just a deep sort of emptiness that greatly disturbed him. Not too long after that,he did the WEIRDEST thing...*frowns a little,remembering* Not only did he himself appear in my dreams...but...he brought that healing goddess of his with him- I think his sister? Damn,I can't think of...maybe her name was Isis? Is that the healing goddess,or did I mix them up again? That dream was some time ago, about a month,and I haven't seen Set since...so my memory is kinda fuzzy,and as it was a dream that makes it triple blurry,y'know?
| chibi heishi chapter 9 . 6/13/2008
That was freakin AWESOME! Oh my God, that... Whoa! Just, just... I don't know! Just WHOA!
| Koros chapter 8 . 2/1/2008
Huzzah! Looks like the site is working today!
Your poem makes me think that Bakura's going to spawn some mini-tomb robbers. Scary thought.
Wait, Tristan's not dead yet? Wow, he MUST be a zombie by now.
"“You are mistaken Pharaoh, I don’t even have the one thing I desire most.”
Yami’s glare sharpened. “And what would that be thief?”"
DUH! A Gameboy Advance SP! The silver version!
"Touzoku rose slowly from his seat and pointed a finger directly at his adversary with finality. “Just you.”
Atem’s teeth ground against each other. “Well, you have me here now. Let’s do this.”"
Or that. Damn, but my mind is thinking pervy thoughts about those lines of dialogue. :P
"“Let him go Touzoku, if the boy wishes to fight then he can fight me. But I believe the courtyard would be a more fitting place.” Marik leaned against the throne and smirked."
Courtyard? Why not a mud pit instead? It's already going to be ridiculous enough seeing Yugi trying to tackle someone.
"Yami, if you can break free from my power then you may fight me, if not then you will face eyes were fixed on Marik and the blonde haired Egyptian stuck his tongue out childishly at the boy. "
Ya forgettin' something in there?
Hee, Yugi with a sword. That's almost as amusing as him rolling around in a mud pit.
"The secret was out now. Yugi was the incarnation of Horus. Atem was Osiris, which made Yugi his soul child. "
...Okaly-dokaly. Is that the concept behind the other hikari/yami pairings as well? Then... was Bakura and Ryou having sex incest, or masterbation? Hmm.
Chapter Nine (dun dun duh):
Hey... wait a second... Didn't Bakura have to get the Stone and do some funky Egyptian rituals to get Set in him? (Okay, that sounded bad. My mind's just in the gutter today, isn't it?) Why is it that all Yami Yugi had to do is 'embrace the darkness' or whatever?
Hm, in the last chapter Yami's aura was dark blue, now during the fight it's red...
"In their rage the two began to grow fangs and their nails became claws. "
I was waiting for psuedo-vampires to show up! We already have zombies!
"From their hands burst forth raw power. It came like a torrent of pure magic. Nothing was deadlier that this. "
Are ya kiddin'? Gimme a bazooka! I bet I could whoop both their pansy-vampire asses with that! Well... I might need a tank too. Maybe. :P
Ah, shoulda seen that coming. Bakura and Yami are M.A.D. weapons, of course. Cue sappy death scenes...
Oh, Bakura's back. Knew he was a vampire. Yami didn't cut his head off or stab him in the heart, so of COURSE he came back!
"When Marik heard the explanation he burst into fits of laughter. "
Marik, stop it with the funky mushrooms.
And of course you have an idea for a sequel! "The Adventures of Zombie Tristan!" of course! :D
| Koros chapter 9 . 1/31/2008
Not bad. I can see much improvement on your writing style from a couple years ago. :) The poems are pretty good too.
Now for constructive crit and random comments:
Chapter one: Dramatic. Very, very dramatic. You may have... overdone it a little... but I've seen much worse, so I wouldn't worry too much. :P
"Through that he also knew that anyone with any small connection to the shadow realm could not touch the Shadow Stone of the Valley of the Dead, or they would suffer a horrible death and have their soul destroyed.
Bakura also knew that the only way one could touch the stone, and wield it’s power was through the hidden magic of the shadow realm because its power protected the person. The one with such power would be able to touch the stone and control the darkness they harnessed."
Bwah? This seems a little contradictory.
Chapter Three: Tea gets shot randomly. Personally? I love it- it's exactly what I'd like to read. Logically? It has nothing to do with the current plot, EXCEPT to alert and piss off Yugi/Yami Yugi. Which, earlier, you explained Bakura DIDN'T want that, and was sneaking very quietly into the museum just to not alert Yami Yugi...
"all the security camera’s off and the guard is erasing the past half hour from all the tapes"
You're missing an 'are' after cameras... and there's no apostrophe in camera either. For the most part I'm going to ignore random stuff like that, but I gotta ask: erasing the tapes will raise eyebrows in the museum. Certainly, eventually they'd figure out the Stone is gone, but if it's in a box with the mummy, they wouldn't know for a while. Erasing tapes would alert them that something is wrong, so why not just record a loop into them? That way, it might take months for the curators to figure out it's missing...
"He placed the heavy lid on the floor as he opened the wooden box that was within. There, in the faint light was the mummified body of Ankh-Amun-Ra decorated in rich jewels. Around his neck was a jewel darker than the darkest black. "
Another nit-pick: all the jewelry and trinkets that were placed on the mummy were wrapped up UNDERNEATH the linen, both next to the body and swathed in the many layers. It wouldn't be on top. And if the curators wanted it on display, they'd put it in a separate case, as most of the time the sarcophogus would probably be shut. :P
Chapter four: *raises eyebrow* congrats, that looks like genuine Egyptian to me, and I've run across plenty of it randomly. Didja look it up, get it from somewhere, or just pull it out of your ass? :) Looks similar to some stuff I once found from the Book of the Dead. Not bad.
"The feeling was exhilarating. Like vomiting, but far more pleasurable. The magic was his wrath incarnate and it felt like an intense orgasm throughout his body."
O...kay. I won't even ask. Really.
""You just obliterated a police force. I thought you didn’t want to give Yami any warnings.” Marik pointed out."
Ka-ching! Give the boy a peanut.
Wow, Ryou's OOC. But I can go with it.
Ah, author note. I see my questions about the Egyptian is answered. I like this chapter.
"Yami was watching too and the news was like a knife through the heart. Something wasn’t right. "
Wow, we have a regular Sherlock Holmes here. Yami doesn't get a peanut.
See, the whole thing was almost TOO easy. What if there had been a hole in Yugi's backpack that the coin fell through on his way to school? Some random passerby would then pick it up and be swarmed with EVIL. With that show's luck, it'd be a politician.
*gasp* I've figured out Hillary Clinton's secret!
Really. It's not THAT out of the question. I have holes all over the place in my backpack! I have a hard time keeping BOOKS from falling out, let alone coins.
Moving on to chapter Six:
Egyptian again. Nice.
"Within him, Touzoku could feel something stir like an angry demon. "
Aw. With your metaphors from chapter four, I was expecting that sentence to be: 'Within him, Touzoku could feel something stir like indigestion.' *laughs* Sorry, I'll stop.
...does the evil tomb robber need some Pepto Bismal? Yesh he does!
Okay, NOW I'll stop. :)
Wait, a freakin' GOD OF DARKNESS has sorta-reincarnated into Bakura, and his first words are "Tristan is coming"? WTF.
Actually, that's pretty funny. "And lo! The great one, Set, our god, came before us. And words poured forth, and proclaimed, 'Tristan is coming.' And there was much confusion."
"I want Atem to watch this one die when the time comes. He will serve me well.”
... Zombie-Tristan? Service from the undead? Aw heck, this fic keeps gettin' better! Got a sequel in mind? "The Adventures of Zombie Tristan!"?
"The white haired boy cringed a moment at the sight of the hanging intestines. “I suppose he was meddling.”"
Yes. That is EXACTLY the first thing I'd say if I saw one of my friends disemboweled.
"“He broke down my door,” Marik replied with a giggle."
Ah, now I understand his behaivor. Marik's been hitting the funny mushrooms again, hasn't he?
"Paint appeared where once there was none. Chipped stone refilled and smoothed. Old hieroglyphs smoothed as though freshly carved. Pillars stood of their own accord and reaffixed themselves to their rightful places. Gold glinted and white stone sparkled. Buildings rose around them where once there was nothing."
Ah, I see Bakura finally found the rewind button on the remote.
"All Pharaoh’s had the power I possess, but none sought to use it for the greater good of the people. "
Yes, but obviously the psycho killer will.
"His father killed my village for that power but his son, who had the power to undo this terrible wrong did nothing to right this wrong."
Wow, I never knew Yami Yugi could bring back the dead.
Huh, never pictured Bakura as a rabble-rousing politician. Must be the Set in him.
...Set is a rabble-rousing politician? Who knew?
"I’ve hacked into the satellite systems so that every television service receives this,” Marik replied."
Marik has some pretty 1337 skillz for being a desert rat.
"Touzoku nodded and stood. “I have gathered you all here today..."
*dies* Do you know how much he sounds like a priest starting a wedding?
"“What makes you think that we’ll hand things over peacefully? Do you really expect us to simply hand our people over to you?”"
Okay, this is one dumb dude. He and all the rest of the world leaders SHOWED UP IN THE FIRST PLACE, which means that they've all already recognized Bakura's authority over them! If they were going to deny it, they'd've just stayed home.
""No blade or bullet or sea will be at your command to take your own life.""
That's an interesting grouping. It's like those things we had to do in elementary school! 'Now kids, can YOU find the word that doesn't fit?'
"The pain built up until it exploded in his mind with a terrible force that rendered him unconscious."
""Also, you two will inherit my powers in the extremely unlikely event of my death.”"
Foreshadowing? No, wait, probably not. You like Bakura a bit too much to just kill him off. :P Well, unless if he becomes a martyr... jeez, that's a weird image.
"“Do we get a Harem too?” the white haired boy asked. It was strange enough for Marik to see Ryou dressed in Egyptian robes, but even stranger to hear Ryou asking for a Harem."
*dies laughing* Okay, I'd love to see a picture of that.
Random nudity, random sex, blah blah, and I keep expecting the Ghostbusters to show up and yell, 'Hit it, it's a class six entity trying to take over the world! Proton packs out!'
. Don't mind me. Really.
Okay, I dunno WTF is wrong with it, but I cannot read anything else, or even get on your profile, without being attacked every two seconds with Zwinky crap that I can't get rid of. In other words... I'll read it some other time when I CAN FREAKIN LOAD UP THE PAGE. Trust me, I've been trying for a while now. .
Hope you like the uber-long review...
| xXDeidara-chanXx chapter 9 . 1/29/2008
Oh that was so mean! *smile*
I nearly had a heartattack the moment I thought Touzoku was dead...
but he isnt and Im very greatful for that.
A fantastic fight, worthy of gods
A wonderful story
| Cliscia chapter 9 . 1/29/2008
Oh, that was so not funny.
Really, that killed me.
-can't you tell?-
I hope for a sequal,
if this is truly the end.
I want to see what his
'perfect world' will be like.
| petalpixie chapter 9 . 1/29/2008
*tears* LOVED it! really sweet, yet bitter. Poor Atem, yet i still loved that you finished it like this. it was awesome and unpredictable. your really good. thanks for the story ...
| petalpixie chapter 8 . 1/26/2008
This is so cool. Go atem go touzoku! cant wait for your update.
| Cliscia chapter 8 . 1/26/2008
I'm not one for
Yuugi was killed?
It was to be expected.
I'm praying that Touzouku
will indeed win.
I need to reply to
| xXDeidara-chanXx chapter 8 . 1/26/2008
A fight between gods...
That will be great!
Im always for a Sequel if the end of a story have enough possibilities for one.
Sometimes it is better to end something on its highest point,
but I dont know the end from this fanfiction!
But with your style, Im all for it
(Im nearly done with the list, that was a preety good advice, thanks)