Reviews for Crime and Punishment
Lei Zhu chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
xDD Hilarious ending. This certainly was an interesting piece. Was too short, though! :

Anyway, good job. :3
Aleksiina chapter 1 . 1/22/2008
You know, when I saw that you piece started with a flashback, I almost didn't read it. But, I thought the subject matter was too interesting the pass it by. I think that your concept is great, and there's a lot to write about when it comes to jealousy, betrayal and vengeance. However, I think that your piece lacks a few key elements to truly make it efficient. For instance, the flash back intro. It wouldn't have been much more work to actually describe what happens in real-time, instead of introducing the story with it. You could have briefly described Squall's encounter with the girl, maybe, or definitely writing the scene where Rinoa drugs him. It's a traumatic experience to be drugged and lose control over oneself (and I speak from experience...) There's a lot of panic, fear, sense of betrayal that occurs. I think that's a real source of emotion to tap into. Also, I really think that you need to read more fics with violent sex scenes and domination, if that is what you would like to write about. Your scene didn't make me flinch once, and most of the time, it sounded more funny than anything else. In other words, I just don't think you have that complete grasp of what is violent sex, at any rate, not enough to write about it properly. I am currently writing a Final Fantasy 7 fic, and my second chapter, that is not posted yet contains a rather violent sex scene. If you're interested, I could send it to you just so you can have a look and maybe get some pointers from it. Lastly, I think that you have potential to write more substantial stories. Your piece seemed rushed, like you were in a hurry to get it over. While remaining a decently short story, it could have been developped to a full potential. Right now, it is more of a summary to me.

I hope you enjoy the critism, and if ever you're interested in getting some pointers on any number of things, feel free to contact me anytime.

Your ideas are great, give them full potential!

Ciao!

Aleksiina
MysticSpiritus chapter 1 . 1/10/2008
I read most of this with my hands over my eyes. Why do you make me pity all of the male ff characters? Still, I gotta give you props for writing this. Very, very creative. *hands over a plaque with gold lacquered whip* Hang it on your wall. Irvine's reaction was priceless.

Mystic