|Reviews for In the Enclave|
| machievelli chapter 1 . 10/2/2013
Posted 19 April 2013, at the Starwarsknights web site and the Lucasforums Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. I was posting directly to the actual story threads, but my computer went down for the second time in six months with a virus in June of 2012. Then in November kotorfanmedia went down for reasons unknown, so I was stymied in my attempts to post the reviews. I had waited for it to revive, but you on fanfiction deserve your reviews.
Some of the work I read is what I consider worthy of a professional. These are marked as Picks of the Week. While they are posted on Starwarsknights I am adding the best of the week where applicable.
TSL at the Jedi enclave: The Masters act, but run into an unexpected obstacle.
One sentence near the start confused me; 'You confuse strength with power'. Since I have been working on what you might call an explanation of how magic would work in one of my own works, and hailing mentally back to the 12th century (When the Catholic Church finally changed their minds for the fourth or fifth time about witches) it would have read better if you said 'You confuse strength with evil'. It is like Jesus being told that his teachings are automatically heretical because he is not merely repeating the rote teachings of the church at that time.
The author in the afterword commented that this was a reaction to not being able to scream at the Masters, which the game didn't allow. I had basically the same reaction, but spread it out, confronting each of them separately, pointing out the flaws in their logic of 'don't go' in my own Return From Exile over at Lucasforums.
Their insistence on staying out of the situation during and after the war flew right in the face of what Jedi are taught in my mind. You teach these young people that they are the guardians and protectors of the Republic, that they should be willing to fight and die for the people of that body, then turn around and refuse to do just that when the Madalorians attack? Crucify the one person who does return, and then stand by like deer in the headlights as doom comes at the Republic again?
To quote an old Military axiom, a partial plan violently carried out immediately, beats the perfect plan when it is already too late.
If you have ever seen the musical 1776, the last vote comes down to just one state, Pennsylvannia. The members of that delegation were Ben Franklin, John Dickson, and James Wilson, the first two on opposite sides of the independence question, causing the delegation to be polled individually. Unlike the milquetoast representation of him in the musical, where he voted for independence only because he didn't want to stand out as the one who scuttled the project, Wilson was a firm proponent of independence who had his disctrict polled on it before casting his vote.
Kreia going ahead with the slaughter only made sense because the masters would have argued their rectitude right up to the end.
Pick of the Week
| PFChang'sChaiAppleCobblerIsYum chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
A great story. Very good.
| Jen DeClan chapter 1 . 3/31/2008
I am so glad someone feels that way, too, how lame was the game's motivation and it did nto give the Exile a logical explanation to Kreia-your idea makes sense. Great writing!
| skywalker05 chapter 1 . 1/18/2008
I really like "If you fear the power of the pawns, how could you hope to deal with the master? Would you even recognize the threat, I wonder? Or would you remain in your hiding places while the galaxy burned around you?”" and "
You say you are the last of the Jedi. I say you have doomed yourselves to be exactly haven't passed on your wisdom to any Padawan learners; it will die with you.", which I have thought also. Stupid Council members.
Kreia's narrative is interesting, although it comes as a suprise because the first few sentences seem to be in third person.
"No- I won't let you take the Force away from me!” " Is a little stiff, a little cliche...'away from me' is a cumbersome phrase, one which someone in the degree of excitement she's in would probably skip.
(By the way, my Exile in Knights of the Rebellion is also "playing emo music and threatening to slit her wrists in the back of my head" instead of acting Jedi Masterly like she's supposed to...blasted complex characters. And the paragraph about kittens is great.)
"doubt there beliefs " should have 'their'.
"my Padawan[']s voice"
Your Exile is interesting. I can't tell what side she's on.
The description of the Masters' emotions as "pastel" is very nice.
Good. Interesting concept, about Revan, and it makes Kreia sound even more manipulative (if that's possible.) I like the last line from the dark code.
| Effiron chapter 1 . 1/16/2008
Nice story. The characters were very true to their...characters. I could practically hear their voices. Also, I agree with you on a couple of points. I do believe Kreia had another motive for her actions; the whole death of the Force thing was one more manipulation. And yes, I, too, wanted to be able to berate, or better yet, beat the Masters over the head with a Force Pike when they said they would continue to wait for the enemy to show. Anyway, good stuff here. Keep it up!