Reviews for An Empty Promise
owlgirl16 chapter 1 . 10/24/2010
I actually, truly and wonderfully, liked it. I love these scenes and your writing is really good here.
whyyyfred chapter 1 . 3/2/2009
no! so sad :(

it was really good though!
TheWordFountain chapter 1 . 8/7/2008
That last line REALLY got to me. I was just like "But they promised!" Ah...too bad the book has been written.

Anyway, good job. You showed that the Weasley twins really are brothers and that they do have serious moments together.

I would write more, but I really don't have much to say - it was pretty awesome.

Keep it up!
Hubacha chapter 1 . 7/26/2008
Aww that's so much more hard-hitting because of what does happen. This was very well-written, great dialogue. It works especially well because they're not usually like this.

You also have a great variety of words describing speech, for example "concluded" and "implored".

I'm not sure if the last two lines were needed, but overall it was great.
Gaby Black chapter 1 . 6/21/2008
“After all, now that you’ve got this disgusting great bloody hole in your head, you’ll need me around to attract all the girls. I suppose I'll let you have my cast-offs out of pity.”

Lol Fred was funny.

But of course it was also very sad. I liked the last line. Your story can now graduate on the Reviews Lounge :D Good job!

- Gaby
lyin chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
really good moment choice- the whole sense of "Losing anyone else, I can handle" really drives this piece (esp. since we know it isn't anyone else George'll lose... and that it will be one w/o the other...) though i will say, they definitely don't think about what such a promise would do to their poor mum :( i don't think you need the 'Fred implored' or 'he concluded', we know who's talking in those places and it's overkill, we can tell as much from the dialog and it takes away. the way they slip into humor is appropriately them-ish, and a Weasley twin hug seemed- well, very necessary. the last line really didn't hit me; it hit me more earlier and slipping back into DH and then into what was more of a 'narrator-voice' took away a little from it... maybe if you got more into George's head, like whenever he remembered that promise or something... but overall, a perfect, canon-seeming 'missing scene', very nice job :D
sweetysmart0505 chapter 1 . 5/16/2008
Really really good job on this. I really enjoyed reading that!
Megsy42 chapter 1 . 5/13/2008
That was really good. I love the closeness and connection you portrayed in the twins, really emotional and powerful. Good job ]
Unashamed1 chapter 1 . 4/26/2008
Hi, There:

I think it was a great idea to fill in this scene-a moment between the brothers that everyone else didn't get to see. The idea that they would have the "serious talks," alone, especially this one, makes sense. I also like the irony of Fred being the one to push George into such a promise-when we all know how that ended.

You said that you are new to creative writing-what brought you into it?

God bless
fauves chapter 1 . 4/16/2008
Aww Fred and George! RIP Fred. I loved this oneshot, and it's definitely going on my favourites!

SilverDrama chapter 1 . 4/13/2008
I thought this was rather good. The last two line disrupted the flow a bit (particularly the second to last line). But other than that, I thought this was still really good and I could've imagined this actually being in Death Hallows. Good Job!
TheFeelOfFlow chapter 1 . 3/15/2008
The fic worked very well for me, except for the last two lines. Sorry, but I think that didn't click! On the whole, the fic's pretty great!
Kerichi chapter 1 . 2/17/2008
Losing anyone else, I can handle.

This line brought me back to staying up all night reading DH, thinking 'Kill Percy, not Fred!'

Very poignant and melancholy in a good way!

The only concrit I have is to watch your dialogue tags. 'Said' is a transparent word while any other attribution word sticks out and sometimes distracts if it isn't needed.

For example:

George was quiet for a moment, then shrugged. "I have to be," he concluded.

If you'd ended it "I have to be." it would have read more powerfully.
inkvoices chapter 1 . 2/9/2008
I didn't need the last line to make it "hit" me - it kind of underestimates the readers' memeory as far as Deathly Hallows is concerned. The promise DID hit me, without that, as did the part about Fred letting George have his cast-offs, in light of JK's revelation that she sees George marrying Angelina in the future, in gallows-humour kind of way.

The third line, about Fred's serious expression, was my favourite out of the whole thing - touching, sweet and a nice look at how things work between the twins. Plus, the whole thing is well-written.

This is a nice missing DH moment that I can quite easily see as being canon.
Cuban Sombrero Gal chapter 1 . 2/8/2008
I think the last line works well, it's the one before it, the one in italics, that doesn't. It just disrupts the flow, because we're watching Fred and George, and then all of a sudden you throw that in, and flip back to George.

I'd also love to see a little of what they're thinking, especially when George says that they have to believe that they'll survive.

Other than that, this was incredibly poignant, and a wonderful read. I think you captured the twins and their personalities very well. :)
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