|Reviews for Would Love Envy|
| Slyfox00 chapter 1 . 9/12/2009
totally liked it :) thanks for writing.
| darkwhispersdale chapter 1 . 8/4/2009
God I have no idea how many review this is lolz I liked this one aswell and Yumi no must be Sachiko looking like that;p
Brilliant glad they went on a date (finally) I must mention JX
| Hitori Bocchi chapter 1 . 3/4/2008
So... a two for one, huh? I came in for a Sachiko/Yumi, and got a Rei/Yoshino to boot.
Review time. First, characterization. In your past stories, I've told you of the good job you do capturing Yumi and Yoshino's characteristics, however, your game was a little off in this story. The scenes involving just the two of them felt a little... unnatural for the two. Their actions and dialogue did not strike me as being things they'd do or say. In the other scenes with Rei and Sachiko, though, Yumi and Yoshino are well written, so you grasped their characters 50/50 this time around. Sachiko I would imagine is a hard character to write, so I admire you for doing so so often. I can understand her struggles, and she seems relatively in character in this story. In my opinion, though, you did the best job with Rei in this story. Her reactions to Yoshino are believable, and her guidance to Sachiko displays her strong, intuitive, knowledgable side. I can't help but to wonder about her thoughts in this story, however. The first time I read it, it just seemed like she was helping a friend understand her own feelings. However, the second time I read it, Rei became more diabolical in my mind. I couldn't help but wonder if maybe she helped Sachiko not because she cared about her, but rather because Sachiko getting together with Yumi was the only way for her to be with Yoshino. It would be great (though not necessary) to see a side story based around Rei's thoughts and feelings of this story.
Now for technicalities. You change tenses here and there, but it's not something to worry about. Your writing did not seem as natural as in the past, and your dialogue scenes could still use a little more "meat". Try to describe characters' emotions, not just in their dialogue and appearances, but also in their actions. Lastly, try to stay away from lists of characters ("It was just Rei, Yoshino, Yumi and Sachiko this late as Shimako and Noriko always left earlier on Wednesdays.") The characters that are and are not present should be conceivable from the dialogue and actions within the scene. Also, "...as Shimako and Noriko always left earlier on Wednesdays." is just unneeded information, as it is not of real importance to the story.
This story, like your others, was enjoyable. You do have a strong capability for capturing the characters and their personalities. Keep writing. It's evident that you enjoy doing so, and I'm sure that you have many fans who can't wait to read the new adventures you have in mind. As always, send a message if you have any questions about my review.
| reiko08 chapter 1 . 2/1/2008
i never imagined rei being turned down by yoshino...lol...and i find sachiko cut when she despretely wanted to get away from rei...she really was scared of telling yumi that she loves her too.. :D great fic!
| clarec97 chapter 1 . 1/30/2008
Nice approach, I would be taken aback if you really have Yoshino kicking Yumi, cause it will be so unlike Yumi, she is always sure of what she felt for Sachiko. Having Rei kick Sachiko is a surprise cause it is unlike Rei to do it, but Sachiko sure need to be push to take emontional matters into hands, she so resign herself to her fate of marrying the boy lover. Nice one, great job
| kurakami chapter 1 . 1/20/2008
Another great fic! Good on Rei and Yoshino finally getting Yumi and Sachiko to see the obvious. I love fics where they admit their love. Great stuff!
| Spikesagitta chapter 1 . 1/20/2008
yeah what i wouldnt give for Yumi to look like that...*sigh* but im crossing fingers for the fourth season!
anyway, yup like it
| Ice Silver Crystal chapter 1 . 1/19/2008
i like it _ and the reference to Madame Tussauds made me laugh
| Syaoran Li Clow chapter 1 . 1/19/2008
Always been a pleasure to read you.
Damn, that got to hurt a lot; I mean for Rei and Yoshiro. Knowing their love for each other for so long, but not taking action further than the mere knowledge of what their “love” meant, it was to be expected from Yoshiro to feel jealous for Yumi and Sachiko, watching all those feelings around them, and still acting like nothing were in their hearts. Maybe we can see that sun on their relationship as the light those two were embraced since the moment they met, trying to melt away the darkness of their souls, setting them free to choose and live what their feelings told them to. Sometimes, just sometimes you need one more push to reach that light and let it touch your heart.
Now, if you will excuse me, I was slept for six hours, woke up and now I need a steamy cup of coffee to continue my day.
| Ayou chapter 1 . 1/19/2008
yah, yumi's smile can melt an iceberg...
| Phoenix-ash58 chapter 1 . 1/19/2008
Hey! Great story! Wish you'd write more...especially Sachiko x Yumi fics. Looking forward to your next story.
| fjlio7yikpilkuyrdfcvbnmkjlkhg chapter 1 . 1/18/2008
Another great story as always. Where do you come up with all these ideas? I'm astonished.
I particularly like this line, "First, the silence dropping like a bomb would be scientifically very interesting for scientists around the world." Something about it just makes me chuckle.
I also like Rei's 'rant' to Sachiko. I've often thought the same things myself.
| momoiiey chapter 1 . 1/18/2008
SO CUTE! OMG THATS SOO CUTE I REALLY LIKED IT! THANKS! _ _!