|Reviews for A World without You|
| I am the The Shadow chapter 6 . 8/25/2017
You couldn't come up with a better story pathetic
| Angelix.onix.luna chapter 6 . 1/7/2014
| XPGamer chapter 6 . 9/18/2012
This fic is annoying for two reasons.
1) Naruto is an idiot. Every ten minutes it's "But I stopped that/him" even though he is constantly being told the reason for what he's seeing.
2) you keep going from past tense to present in the same sentence.
| XPGamer chapter 2 . 9/18/2012
Where's Tenzo/Yamato during all this
| Daki92 chapter 6 . 9/23/2011
Truly a shame the story was never finished...
| Patriot-112 chapter 6 . 9/22/2011
Whoa, it's a scary place without Naruto. Please continue.
| Kimera225 chapter 6 . 7/23/2011
what happened to Sakura and Hinata? O_O did both of them ended like Ino, Tenten and Kurenai?
Hinata, without Naruto, didn't have anyone to inspire her to be better (tough you gave the hint that she did graduate from the shinobi academy and was in a team with Shino)
and if not Naruto, who was the Kyubi jinchuriki?
I won't even ask for Sasuke, as it is to damn obvious...
| HighValour chapter 6 . 7/19/2011
... Is there any female, named character (barring Temari) in this fic who will not be raped before she dies?
| X59 chapter 6 . 6/18/2011
To be honest I viewed this story as a domino affect that was well thought out.
Shizune leaving Tsunade shattered the domino effect and made view this story as story trying to make everything fucked up in the world.
| shinobi101 chapter 6 . 1/29/2011
I love what you've got going on here, but what happened to Sasuke!
| Silentwhistle chapter 5 . 12/15/2010
An interesting idea though sometimes it suffers from being very shallow. Its all very one-sided as surely the probability is that some people would definitely have been significantly better off. You could have conveyed what you wanted to convey without writing in such a one-track way. Its also equally likely that without anyone able to control a rampaging Shukaku and Orochimaru not likely to care about Suna that Gaara would have killed a significant portion of Suna's military in the attack. Orochimaru just wanted revenge so he had no reason to stop Gaara and none of the Suna ninja would have had the capacity to do so.
Furthermore, if Orochimaru had succeeded in destroying Konoha and making sound the greatest village, the Akatsuki would likely have destroyed him. In the manga, Orochimaru is shown to be very much aware of the balance he must keep- such as when he allowed Naruto to live and Kabuto then healed him because they could not afford to draw the attention of Akatsuki.
You also have this obsessive need to have every kunoichi raped... its seems characters are not suffering a sad enough fate unless they've been raped. A few of them like Tsunami are understandable but Ino? In the midst of a war, a chaotic pitched battle and a rampaging demon destroying the village you seriously think they'll kill chouji but take a break mid-battle to rape Ino? That's just silly and it makes your writing seem immature.
Haku was also clearly more than willing to 'kill his heart' for Zabuza so having Gato's weak henchmen somehow manage to both capture and restrain a ninja of Haku's calibre just so you could use rape as a plot device is very weak authoring.
It doesn't help that it is also rife with spelling and grammatical inconsistency- "You should not have spoken first before I spoken first."- This is only one example of the often ridiculous grammar and dialogue. It is no surprise then that this story hasn't had a particularly good reception. This might seem like a flame but this is what reviews are about, now you will undoubtedly make this better as you put more consideration into what you're writing.
It is not all bad news though, some of your ideas are very well thought out and very well reasoned. Some people often underestimate the effect Naruto imposes on the world around him when they write AU fiction. You have a high level of awareness but your focus is too narrow.
I'll just leave you alone now since I feel like a douche for having to be so critical. Unfortunately it was necessary
| EmbersoftheNightChild chapter 6 . 10/31/2010
nice chapters keep u pthe great work i hope that you will update soon :)
| Deathmvp chapter 6 . 10/28/2010
Great strory here. I love how it was done and I look forward to reading more of it. It is very simmuler to a chalange I posted up but alast no one wanted to try it.
The Chalange was Hinata seeing a crying Tsunadea. The resone being that even though the world was like use (leaf still standing at war thoug with Denzo the 5th) the neclace lets you see the old world with Naruto in it but only if you had a strong bond with him.
| Vanex chapter 6 . 10/25/2010
Wow, I can't help but shudder as I read this story. It will be interesting to see where this goes next.
| JoseSkinner chapter 6 . 10/24/2010
What exactly is the point of this story?
All you have written is a, "BAD END" story for just about everything that Naruto has dealt with. Maybe if Naruto comes back to normal Naruto world, but then it would just be a retelling with a more confident Naruto... and it would be pointless.
Anyways, I don't mean to be rude or whatnot, but it is rare that this is what I would think about a story.