|Reviews for What's one more Sin?|
| Senile-felineS chapter 1 . 2/17/2013
Eclipse's pov was beautifully written, almost poetic.
| DomeInsane chapter 1 . 11/7/2011
You need to slow down some and flesh out the story a bit more. Put some more detail in there, and before submitting it you need to have a beta reader read it over. Some of your sentences were a bit garbles.
Such as instead of "The kiss continued, hot and passionately, trying to place pent up frustration into it." I think you might have passed the message on more clearly by saying "The kiss continued, hot and passionate as they tried to release their pent up frustration with it."
Just a few suggestions that I hope you might consider. Of course your writing is good enough as is, but us writers never like to settle for 'good enough' eh? If you want i could probably beta read for you. Though I would check out some other options first.
Normally I'd have thought of an appropriate good-bye by now, but alas I'm being rushed, so I'm afraid you'll have to do with a simple farewell.
| Imako Nomi chapter 1 . 7/18/2011
Argh...my brain melted...D but I don't mind!
| water-phoenix17 chapter 1 . 7/16/2010
ilove it, you captured Eclipse's attitude perfectly and youdidnt go OOC and i love how you did Raenef hispersonality was also good and i lvoe your detail, you are a great writer
| xPrincessKagurax chapter 1 . 7/7/2010
| mu149 chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
This is the first Eclipse/Raenef yaoi I have read and I love it! It's easy to say that this will be on my favorite list!
| Nerezza-TenshitheHedgehog chapter 1 . 12/7/2009
I like it!
*grabs mouse* I'm clicking you to favorites! *clicks*
| Characterless chapter 1 . 10/3/2009
Maybe first, but fucking good one.
I was really surprised to see that there were no mistakes in this chapter(just one but I'm not sure if it was really mistake)
Just... you often used the word scream. It sounded almost disturbing... but I can say that I was thrown into this story and read it breathlessly till the end (well... maybe not breathlessly but you know what exactly I mean XD)
I'll be adding you to my author favorites, I wanna know when you add another story... I'd love to see more of your works in the future XD
| FastlyFadingIntoDarkness chapter 1 . 8/19/2009
whew gurl this story is good. and this is your first lemon? no way. this is good, you should keep writing them they are good.
| AmericaloveshisEngland chapter 1 . 8/5/2009
i love it, absolutely amazing!
| Malatruse chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
Great concept, love the last few lines. Think you could have added in a bit more detail, but I've never written yaoi, what do I know. Very, very good.
| xX.Stella-Chasity.Xx chapter 1 . 3/20/2009
aw this was great! it was too bad the manga didn't have a nice lemon in it... *tear tear*
| 12ars chapter 1 . 2/21/2009
I absolutly loved it!
| YoungAthletesOnIce chapter 1 . 1/5/2009
That made me laugh out loud! I totally loved your fanfic! I just hope you can support all of your fans F.Y.I ME! I need your help with a story that I'm writing. I have a severe case of writer's block that doesn't seem to be going away. Some one said that eating peanut butter works but that just made my mouth dry. UGH! HELP! Other than that, I really want to jeep reading your work. Tell me when you write another fanfic!Bye!
| Aries07 chapter 1 . 12/22/2008
hope you do more!XD