|Reviews for River, Author|
| gonekrazy3000 chapter 9 . 11/19/2012
Oh my god.
I know i'm EXTREMELY late but i love this story so much.
Would it be too much to beg you to write more
| Lord Kelvin chapter 6 . 11/14/2010
The story reminds me of a Rubik's cube, a simple concept with an extraordinary presentation.
Speaking candidly, reading this light trinket was a challenge. Reviewing is even more so. For a moment, I thought there wouldn't be anything useful I could tell you. Like in a complete Rubik's cube, any change you make sends you one step back, and there is no more room for improvement. That would have been ironic in the vast limitless space of creating writing, wouldn't it?
The first challenge occurs for two reasons. For one, the rating and topic facilitate an atmosphere too subtle for a hectic moment. If a reader fails to do any preparation, say, a breathing exercise, your story would be difficult to understand. Subtlety of pace and rhythm is something one has to savour, not break through. This subtlety that emanates from most friendship stories reaches a refined and complex climax in your writing. Specifically, this is easy to see when the reader consumes one chapter at a time.
Another reason is your literary technique. I am humbled and I clap standing up at the intricate details imbued in the text. Character narration as well as speeches are orchestrated in a way I don't dare touching so they wouldn't -heavens forbid- wilt like an exotic blossom besmirched by an infidel. Using words like 'stupor' and 'morose' in one paragraph is chuckle-worthy. Extensive compliments to the chef of your vocabulary. The verbal waterfall is so plentiful, I can barely grasp how all the details fit in these tiny chapters. And they're not laid out randomly like toys on a trifling Christmas tree. Readers can't skip anything in your chapters because you don't exceed giving them only what is essential while keeping the view lavish and full of colour. Let's not forget it's easier to digest than Austen, but philologists tend to fizzle with that one, not just reviewers.
Reviewers. Subtle stories are difficult to review due to their lightness. When one does not pay attention, one skips notes and is unable to properly appraise a work of fiction. In all honesty, I had to arrange a playlist to keep the atmosphere just right, and I wouldn't lose track of your thoughts. This is a part of the challenge, though. When I look at your chapters, I see spotless, clean frames around a picture. When I read, the picture appears as pretty as the frame. For a reviewer, it's very easy to go into banal territory with such a setup. I told you about the Rubik's cube, and the comparison is true in many aspects. That is, the regular tools I apply to fiction on this site don't work. These tools are meant to unearth lairs of improvement, and we can't be too careful, so advice adds maximum value.
I needed to look into the big picture for quite a while till I found something worth mentioning to the author of this story. For clarity, I inquired for second opinions and got something generic like "not interesting enough". Fair enough, such a complaint may arise from any of the challenges above being unfulfilled, but it is what sets your story from the rest, so let's consider that one invalid. What I've found startling was completely accidental. I clicked backward to a chapter and noticed two things.
It was when I saw signs of wear and tear during production. Tims is a harsh mistress, and a rewind let me notice the seams. Every one of your chapters is arranged in a way that had you posted it as a separate piece, it would be fluid, as it should be. However, by connecting them, the picture changes. There is a jolt in pace between the chapters. I'm guessing it's because you wrote individual chapters on different days while experiencing different moods. If you read them in one go right now as the story is posted, the read is different than reading one by one as you were updating. For future reference, I recommend looking back to what you have posted already, so tone and pacing wouldn't spin out of control when I click "next". Recall what you wrote before, and start picking up or slowing down steadily at first. At first. The tone can shift in the middle of the chapter quite drastically, but it can't zigzag when a story is fluid. There has to be an intro and outro when things are done like this. Otherwise, readers that came here with a mellow atmosphere would feel alienated with too much hectic action and leave. That would be too bad, because it's the very moment (chapter six) the reader is offered some conclusions, retribution for the unknown you give in the beginning. Make sure you reach this retribution with tact unless you're aiming at a roller coaster ride.
The second issue is much more trivial, but also related to age. Chapter length. Click "next" several times, and you'll see how some parts deviate from your formula of seamless writing. Sometimes ideas are so hard to contain, you write and write, and write...till you notice it would stand out in the big picture when a reader makes the distance.
Perhaps, this review would have been more helpful had I known anything at all about your fandom, but there's hoping you've made justice to your characters as much as everything else. From an outsider's perspective, behavioral patterns are organic, and the plot itself resembles the genre. I suppose, from this point of view, it doesn't even matter, who's reviewing because you've already convinced me that you are able, and you do what you are able to.
Much obliged for the read. I rarely have a chance to delve so deep into fiction without hitting rock bottom. You don't just offer the depths to your audience, you motivate readers to reach them, so we experience elements engraved in word by skill and spirit.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.
| TheSlashBunny chapter 9 . 8/29/2010
I'm not normally a Mal/River fan, but I gotta say: I'm seriously impressed with this story. Your portrayal of River is amazing - dead on, I think. And Mal, too. Both of them caring, but broken - strangely similar. Keep up the good work. I hope to see more of this!
| xBlackRabbitx chapter 9 . 5/28/2010
Gyah... that was really good! You write very well. I've only just gotten into Firefly, and I'm loving it, and if the fanfiction is all this good, I'll definitely be sticking with it! Your characterisation was pretty much perfect. Great work!
| Chibiboku chapter 9 . 4/23/2010
That was really cute, I hope there still going to be more chapters.
| bobber128 chapter 9 . 4/14/2010
Absolutely wonderful story. Over the last few days, since reading this, you have inexplicably and permanently tied Mal and River together in my mind. God forbid a Serenity 2 comes out, and the relationship doesn't happen, because I'll be horribly disappointed. Well done, EnsignAbby. I look forward to more of your stories from the 'verse.
| Dan chapter 6 . 4/11/2010
"No, You're not." Excellent way to end the chapter. Lucid, aware, well-done.
| Gwenfrewi72 chapter 9 . 4/11/2010
The word Perfection comes to mind.
| wHo-NeEdS-aLiCe chapter 1 . 2/24/2010
Absoulutely fabulous fic. What can I say?
Everyone was flawlessly kept in character, mannerisms, ways of speaking and actions were so well planned it was as if I was watching the series all over again. I especially admire Your ability to write River's dialogue, as I personally find it one of the greatest challenges.
Mal was also fantastically written, you really captured the spirit of the character throughout.
Gah! And don't I just love this pairing! I was a huge fan of Mal/Inara while watching the series but, having stumbled upon some Mal/River fanvids on youtube, I became really interested in this pairing, especially since I had never really paired River with anyone in my head before. (River/Jayne is the only other one I'be really come across and... not a big fan tbh)
Sorry for the long review, but lemmie tell you that the length just shows how much I love this.
I fall at your feet and beg for more!
| ArtLightLove chapter 8 . 1/2/2010
| Stellata chapter 8 . 1/1/2010
Wow... Every word of your prose has meaning, depth... Suffice to say, this was an amazing story. Your Mal is fabulous, as are his interactions with River. I'd love to see a sequel, if you're up for it.
| jm1681 chapter 8 . 12/28/2009
Exceedingly well written :)
| IAmTheBadWolf315 chapter 8 . 12/27/2009
I loved this, it was a beautiful piece of writing, and I hope to read more from you with this pairing very soon.
| Gwenfrewi72 chapter 8 . 12/27/2009
Beautiful ending on exactly the right note between them. *sigh*
| Gwenfrewi72 chapter 7 . 12/27/2009
Love Simon in this. He would do anything including make a bargain with the devil (or who he perceives is the devil i.e., Mal) to save his sister. *sigh* I want a big brother like him.