Reviews for Harry Potter and the Combat Butler
paskinmath chapter 1 . 2/28
i love the are you being served cameo. I haven't seen that show in years, but it is indelibly somewhere in my memory. great for a much needed giggle . Thanks.
AmmyChey3X chapter 8 . 1/29
I love this story, and I especially love Castor! He's hilarious and I can't wait to see what he gets up to at Hogwarts! :D
Jayce chapter 6 . 12/1/2013
Loved the second Draco bit, but I wish that there was more of his interaction with his big bro. As long as it leads to his own humiliation .
kffs chapter 8 . 10/4/2013
Fun adventure!
oddhack chapter 1 . 6/11/2013
Very fun, and I hope you'll continue someday. Castor seems like he would get on well with Harry Johnson (of "and the Headmaster's Socks") :-)
Debate4life chapter 8 . 6/28/2012
Love it, and I hope you don't abandon it.
Crystal M. Key chapter 8 . 3/27/2012
This story is quote amusing. I love all the references. Please update, thanks! Favorite quotes:

"Castor does seem to get into more than his fair share of trouble," Dumbledore confirmed, "but then again, so does Harry."

"So we need two of them?" Snape asked flatly.

...

"YOU REFUSED YOUR BIRTHRIGHT, YOU SHAMELESS BEAST! YOU PITIFUL PISS RAG OF BLOOD! YOU-!"

Thunk!

"Wh-What's that?" Harry asked, nervously eying the small package Castor had stuck onto the surprised Mrs Black's face. Castor turned and gave Harry a small grin.

"Get Sirius..."

"I'm here... Blimey! Castor, that you?" Sirius called from the top of the stairs, staring in amazement. At the sight of a new target, Mrs. Black's confusion was alleviated with rage.

"WHAT-WHAT-HOW DARE YOU STICK THIS-THIS-!"

"This is me," Castor replied happily. He held his lighter under the package and ignited it.

"Consider this a token of my esteem," he went on calmly as the fuse began to burn. "C'mon Harry, up the stairs. Let's watch..."

"Watch what...?" Harry asked, dumbfounded as he was led to what he presumed was a safe distance. Castor grinned up at Sirius.

"Ever hear of thermite, Cousin?"

A grin emerged on Sirius's face as the package burst into white-hot flames.

"!"

The painting burned with incredibly intensity, so much so that Harry had to cover his eyes. When it died down he looked and gaped in astonishment as flames were quickly consuming the wall and the carpeted floor.

"Extinguisho!"

The flames vanished from a burst of super cold magic from Sirius's wand. Despite the incredible damage done to his residence, and the chance the whole house might have burnt down, Sirius was grinning ear to ear at the blackened ruins of his mother's portrait.

"Absolutely brilliant," the Black head enthused. Harry stared in disbelief as Castor took a slow drag off his cigarette.

"Not so hard... The charms are designed to prevent magic flames from damaging it, this I remember," he explained. He shrugged. "Just a hunch that if there's no magic to ignite it, there's no magic to cancel out." He turned to Harry and winked.

"Let that be a lesson to you, Mr. Potter. There are times to do things the Magic way, and times to do things the Muggle way. But it doesn't hurt to know how to do both."

"Not to mention that Muggles always were good at making things go boom," Sirius added. Castor laughed.

"Damn right..."

...

"SUPER WEDGIEEE!" Castor shouted, yanking Severus's underwear up as hard as he could. Snape's eyes bugged out, as thought they would pop right out of his skull and his mouth opened wide.

"AUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"

Castor released his hold on Snape's black underwear and smirked. Snape snarled and waddled around, drawing his wand out.

"YOU-YOU-YOU-!"

Ker-chack!

Snape stared dumbly into the muzzle of a Muggle weapon. Castor's expression had changed from sadistic smirk to deadly cold glare.

"Uncle Sev… Been a while," Castor stated flatly. He glanced over at the shell shocked Dumbledore at the entrance to the kitchen, ignoring the rest of the Order who were gaping in utter disbelief.

"Who's your supplier?" Castor asked.

"Excuse me?" Dumbledore asked.

"Your supplier. Because if you trust Snape, then I want some of whatever it is your smoking; 'cause it must be good."

Sirius began to laugh, who was followed by giggling from Tonks, disbelieving chuckles from Remus, and pretty soon it was difficult for anyone to keep a straight face save Professor McGonnagal and Molly Weasley, who looked scandalized.

Dumbledore rubbed his brow, feeling a headache coming on. It was looking like it was going to be one of those years...

...

"I send the villains to Hades and I'm a hit with the ladies... A stallion, in the sack," he added, winking at Fleur Delacour and making her blush as well as a number of other women in the room. Dumbledore felt his headache growing worse. Professor McGonnagal suppressed a smirk. Sirius resisted the urge to declare Castor his second favorite relative, after Harry of course.

...

"So, can you tell us what happened with the Order meeting tonight?" Hermione asked. Castor shrugged.

"Just a lot of Snape being self-important. Fucker," he cursed. He glowered as Hermione blinked.

...

"Although," Castor said thoughtfully rubbing his chin. "Having your dads head form out of the clouds in the Great Hall and pass a message along would be pretty cool."

"Harry." Hermione said in a bad imitation of James Earl Jones booming voice. "I am your father."

Snickering at this Harry added, "Then takes off the Vader mask. Now that would be funny."

"What" Ron asked confused. "What's so funny about that?"

All three others in the rooms gave Ron a pitying look.

...

Castor grinned. Harry recoiled slightly, and felt certain that unpleasantness was bound to follow a smile like that. It was the same look the Weasley twins got when their pranks were just about to go off.

It didn't help that Sirius was soon grinning in exactly the same way.

...

"Can't let her end up with Ron though."

"Oh hell no, that would just…" Sirius shuddered. Castor nodded, and thought about it.

"I think the Twins would suit her fine though."

"Which one?"

"Both," Castor grinned. Harry gawked at that, and the mental image of Hermione, Fred and George, like… That…

"WHAT? No way!" Harry cried out. Castor smirked and shrugged.

"It's a very old maxim, Harry, and is part of the Hero's Code. Rule 187, actually: 'Brainy birds are naughty.'"

"Besides, she'd be mad to break up the pair," Sirius mused thoughtfully. Castor smirked and nodded.

...

"Right," Sirius said, smiling at Harry. "We'll be back."

The two men left the room, and Harry noted Ron looked pale.

"I'm getting the same feeling I get when George and Fred head off together," he admitted. Hermione huffed.

"Oh come now… How much trouble could they get into?"

Ron and Harry groaned. Hermione blinked.

"What?"

"We're doomed," Ron stated.

...

"Romanian bars tend to be a bit," Charlie paused as he chose his words carefully, "rowdy. Blokes tend to object to having their birds express interest in a fellow innocently nursing a pint."

"Innocent," Ron snorted in good humor. "You Charlie? I still remember the Mum's reactions to your friendly scraps down at the village pub."

"Ah, the old Weasley one-two jab," Bill commented as he stuck his head inside the training room. "Cor, I remember the first time Dad showed me how to do that. That left hook of his saved my bacon a few times in Egypt."

Rolling upright, Ron glanced between his two brothers, a hopeful expression on his face. "So, care to teach a younger brother how Weasleys fight?"

Feral grins passed across both his older brothers faces. Grins that Ron could compare to the three head dog Hagrid had back in first year. He gulped.

...

The day of Harry's trial began much too early in the bespectacled youth's opinion. Having your bodyguard burst into your room and crying 'Rise and shine!' while banging a pot with a spoon at the crack of dawn was not the way he wanted to start is day.

Although, in retrospect, Harry did find it rather funny when Castor proceeded to drag Ron out of his bed and heard him out of the room. Although it was rather surreal when Castor put the pot on his head and used the spoon to prod the redhead out of the room and responded to all of Ron's venomous statements about the blonde's questionable sanity with "Castor is a good boy!" was rather strange.
Crystal M. Key chapter 6 . 3/27/2012
Alright, that's it. I must have not yet read any Naruto the first time I read your story, because the Itachi scene made me cackle madly this time when all I remember is a vague sense of confusement. Thank you for the funnies!
Crystal M. Key chapter 4 . 3/27/2012
"Castor is a good boy!" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love Tobi. I wonder if I got that the first time I read this story (ages ago, now). Thanks!
GryffindorDragon chapter 8 . 3/16/2012
Hmm ... Another interesting story that needs to be updated!
sanbeegoldiewhitey chapter 8 . 3/11/2012
Oh no, no more chapters. When is the update?
sanbeegoldiewhitey chapter 7 . 3/11/2012
I never liked JKR making Ron Prefect instead of Harry. That is just one of the things I don't like about Book V. And you copied that. Even your Ron is not likeable. He liked Castor until he learned his last name is Malfoy. What a prat.
sanbeegoldiewhitey chapter 6 . 3/11/2012
This chapter is simply hilarious. Castor lacing Dumbles' lemon drops with LSD, fishing with grenades, stealing the girls' knickers, calling Ginny the community broom and "torturing" Draco with those pictures. It really cracked me up.
sanbeegoldiewhitey chapter 5 . 3/11/2012
Finally, I found out something I don't like. With the introduction of Kyoufu and Itzpapaloti, it seems now your principal character is Castor and not Harry. Those two additional OC's will occupy a lot of space in your story.
sanbeegoldiewhitey chapter 4 . 3/11/2012
My gosh, Castor even made a better counsel than Dumbledore.
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