|Reviews for The Judgement|
| TheConsultingTimeLord chapter 10 . 5/25/2012
Although it seems you have abandoned this story, I just wanted to say how brilliant it is. If you were to continue, I would love to read more.
| fanhouse chapter 10 . 10/12/2010
How can you let us like thaaaat XD ?
Sadic ! XD
I really like your fic (i'm a bit sadomaso when it's involve House )
Please could you post again ?
| thing1966 chapter 10 . 8/25/2009
hope you havent abondoned this fic, it;s good
| Blader123 chapter 10 . 2/6/2009
Oh... Please go further with the story!
I want terribly know what's going to happen
Keep up the good work
| Bonomania chapter 10 . 11/18/2008
Ah this is brilliant! I'm way too into this fic atm.
Oh, the suspense! *Bangs head against wall in anticipation of next part*
Please update soon, I may explode :D
| Wolf Maid chapter 10 . 10/27/2008
Oh my god. *SO* intense! Gah! Really well-written, although the content just *hurts* sometimes...although, that's really just a compliment on your ability to evoke emotion, and ohmigod I need to know what's going to happen next! House! and Chase! ohgods!
| You're out of your vulcan mind chapter 10 . 9/21/2008
I hope you haven't abandoned this story. Please update!
| Jedi Master Max Jinn chapter 10 . 9/15/2008
AH! Please update this? It's soo good... and I hope Chase is alright.
| SongoftheDarquePhoenix chapter 10 . 8/14/2008
Great fic... really disturbing too... update soon! I gotta know what happens!
| SnowFox3 chapter 8 . 7/11/2008
Hello! Again! Long time no see! Well, write! Guess who’s back?
Right. I really gotta give my sincerest apologies for again taking so long to review your story. But don’t worry; even if I don’t finish them all tonight, I’ll try to get them done in the next couple of days. Hopefully, they’ll all be nice and long.
Alright, you know what comes first. Mistakes:
1) ‘God, he thought, breathing fast as the sight of yellowed teeth got closer and closer, whydid he have to love House that much?’
Well, not sure if this was you or FF, ‘cos the fanfiction site has an uncanny ability to remove spaces. The space between ‘why’ and ‘did’ isn’t there. As I said, it could be fanfiction. It has a tendency to do that.
2) ‘“Well, I’m sure you both understood what I’ve said, so I won’t repeat it.” Answered Tritter in a warm conversationally tone, as if he was talking about a present.’
Alright, here’s a grammatical error. Let’s shorten it, shall we? ‘…so I won’t repeat it.” Answered…’
Here you need a comma instead of a full stop, because you’re continuing the sentence. As well, you need to change the capital ‘A’ to a lowercase ‘a’ in ‘Answered’. I’m sure you know why
3) ‘“Warmer” Callong’s low voice changed quietly, a sick curiosity filling his new tone. His grip in House’s chest slackened. “you say?”
After ‘Warmer’ you need a comma, because you are continuing the sentence. And for the word ‘you’, you need a capital ‘Y’.
Now, there’s one more thing here. Instead of ‘His grip in House’s chest slackened’ it should be ‘His grip on House’s chest slackened’. ‘On’, not ‘in’. Because in English we refer to ‘in’ usually as the almost literal (and slightly imaginative) form of ‘inside’ or ‘within’.
4) ‘A sudden wetness in his throat told him Callong was licking his way down Wilson’s neck, but it was such a distant sensation…’
Here’s the same thing. You need the word ‘on’ instead of the word ‘in’ because the wetness isn’t in his throat; it’s on his throat.
5) ‘“I’M NOT ATRACTTED TO HIM!” Tritter shouted, griping Wilson’s hair with an unnatural force.’
Well, you’ve spelt ‘attracted’ right all the other times… just this once, I suppose. Double ‘t’ at the front of the word, not the back.
6) ‘“Yes, you do.” Wilson hissed, almost wincing in pain. “And yet, you, like the others, are attracted to him. Normal people hate him too, but he is unique, and they are attracted to the puzzle House is. Yes, everyone has the urge to solve the puzzle, but people like you want more. You want to be the master of the enigma, proving yourself that you are more powerful than it. You could have forgotten House when, in the real judgement, you lost, but you haven’t. If your desire was just revenge, you could have just taken him to a desert alley and beaten the shit out of him, but no…You had to prove your supremacy. You have architected this whole thing you call judgment, planned each detail, and took advantaged of the empty Hospital- “’
Well… let’s shorten that, huh?
‘…You have architected this whole thing you call judgment, planned each detail, and took advantaged of the empty Hospital- “’
Now, you can’t say ‘took advantaged’. I’m not quite sure how you fully explain it, but you only need (for this case; not sure about all cases) one past tense word. Here, you could say ‘taken advantage’ instead. I know, seems a bit weird, but that’s the English language for ya. Talk about nuances.
7) ‘“Took advantaged of the empty Hospital?” the cop asked in a dangerous ironic voice, his eyes shining madly with maniacal evilness.’
The same thing applies here.
8) ‘But why, Wilson frowned, barely felling the cold hand petting his hair, why was House looking at him with a sparkle of mad desperation in his eyes?’
Alright, just scrolled up and noticed this one. You’ve spelt ‘feeling’ wrong; you put two ‘l’s instead of two ‘e’s.
And that’s it! That’s all the mistakes. Not many. Not many at all. And some of them were repeats. You sure are getting better at this.
You know what comes now, right? Yep
My favourite lines! And this is going to take a while…
1) ‘One was devastatingly unsteady, full of painful tiredness; the other was dangerously low, a thing barely above a murmur, but filled with so much anger that it seemed to fill the entire office.’
One of the things that I really enjoy about your writing is your ability to place emotions into plain words. It’s very rare to see it done, and even rarer to see it done well. You’ve done it more than well; I don’t know anyone who can do it better than that. You’ve really got a knack for writing. Congratulations. I’m usually the kind of person who reads a story for the story, not for the sentences. You’ve changed that for this story. Don’t get me wrong, I love the plot, but the way you’ve woven each individual sentence is incredible. I’m in awe. Seriously. You’ve got three instances of it in this: ‘devastatingly unsteady’, ‘painful tiredness’, and ‘dangerously low’.
Brilliant. Just… brilliant.
2) ‘God, he thought, breathing fast as the sight of yellowed teeth got closer and closer, whydid he have to love House that much? Something flowed up and down his back when Tritter’s hand reached his hair, something that trespassed his shoulder and crawled up his face, reaching his cheekbones; it felt like a perfect liquid mixture of ice and fire, the acid liquored flames freezing and burning, freezing and, oh God, burning…’
Wow. You’re ability to write emotions… it’s just … wow. There’s no words to describe it, though give me a chance and I’ll try to find some. I think it all boils down to you’re ability to write. Sure, lots of people can write, some better than others and some more than others.
I don’t know how long you spend on each chapter; I don’t know how long you spend on each sentence. But if it was me, writing that, I’d take ages. Absolutely ages. I mean, take for example the second sentence in this particular favourite.
‘Something flowed up and down his back when Tritter’s hand reached his hair, something that trespassed his shoulder and crawled up his face, reaching his cheekbones; it felt like a perfect liquid mixture of ice and fire, the acid liquored flames freezing and burning, freezing and, oh God, burning…’
You’ve written ‘something’, and you’ve expressed it to be negative- scary, repulsive, to be feared and despised. The use of acronyms (freezing, burning) in the way that you’ve written, makes it seem that they are one and the same, which instead of detracting from the force of the words, adds to them.
Actually, the use of acronyms as almost synonyms has been used in stories and other stuff quite a lot. For example, there’s one quote you might’ve heard- ‘You can’t have love without hate’, or something like that.
It shows that you really can’t have one without the other (not unless you’re super, super lucky!). And the way it’s written in that sentence perfectly illustrates this point.
3) ‘Even though Callong’s voice reached him, Wilson could not see the bipolar teacher; his eyes were focused on House’s, as he tried to comprehend what was happening with the blue pair: they were getting wider with a thing that resembled shock, and yet his pupils narrowed with something worse than desperation, something like…
Now the emotion in this is incredible.
I don’t know how to say it, but I really love and admire and enjoy your writing. Like I’ve said before, you’ve got a gift, SunServer, and I hope you continue with it, because it’s excellent.
4) ‘Wilson blinked, and it must have been the longest blink in his life, because at the moment he opened his eyes, Callong was near him, rough hands brushing irregular patterns in the sides of his neck; nausea filled Wilson’s stomach when the calloused fingertips brushed his lips, but his eyes remained focused on the wrecked marionette slumped on the floor that was House.’
Another extremely emotive thing. Incredibly emotive. Love it :D
5) ‘Wilson remained silent, but Tritter’s tone and words awakened a formless feeling in his mind; it traveled along his memories, taking a more definite form as he remembered House’s pain, the image of the diagnostician giving up himself to spare Chase and Cuddy thundered in his head: it was odium, an odium that grew with a astounding force, its sharp claws clutching his heart tightly as he forced himself to remain silent.’
Geez, if I wanted, I could put the whole chapter on this review. It’s amazing. Really, really well done.
This is the emotion again; emotion and metaphors. I love metaphors. Love ‘em. I think though, out of all my favourites in this chapter, this one is by far my most favourite... favourite.
6) ‘Renewed fear began to claim him again, the liquored inferno washing through his body.’
Have I mentioned you write metaphors and emotions really well? xD
The strange bip sound echoed through Wilson’s mind for a second, than vanished. He didn’t know where it came from, but it accelerated his heart and loosened his vocal chords, pumping rage through his arteries.’
Ooh, I like how you’ve done that. Love the bips, and I love how they’ve passed from House into Wilson.
And the sheer descriptive ability in each sentence… magnificent.
8) ‘“Not over House. In fact, if you had to do that, it only increases the amount of power he has over you. It only shows how desperate you are to prove yourself that you aren’t attracted to House. But you can’t. You may destroy the puzzle, but you won’t master it. Even you destroy House’s soul, it won’t be enough; he’ll be always in your mind, scornful and ironic, mocking you until-”’
I would’ve put the whole argument here, but it takes so much room. Seriously, this is one well-worded and well-woven argument. Love it. Really love it.
The whole thing… love it.
Number nine is the last word of the chapter; because the word holds so, so, so-so-so much emotion, especially since you’ve used it as an escape, a beacon of hope in darkness…
I honestly love your story. Like I love this chapter. Like I’ll love the other chapters (when my slow self gets around to reading them).
I think you’ve done a wonderful job with this story. And I know you haven’t updated in a while, so I’m going to hope that’ll change. Soon. Well, you’ve got uni, so just do your best there, then come back and write for us fans!
I’m going to leave the other two chapters till later (tomorrow, the day after, the day after that) ‘cos I’ve got to go to bed- I’ve gotta get up early tomorrow. Going to go coach soccer. Soccer is an awesome sport. Love it.
So I’ll be back, don’t you worry about that! Tomorrow I’ve got a soccer game to watch, a soccer game to coach, and a soccer game to play, so I’ll probably review again Sunday (there’s only one soccer game to coach on Sunday!). Can you tell I like soccer?
And now comes the time I’ve been waiting for ever since I started this review. In every story, there is a barrier, an invisible, sleek, unmoving thing that you have to get around. In this case, you didn’t really have to do anything; your writing did it for you.
Reviews are incredible. People who review are brilliant (hope that didn’t come off as too vain ). Having a lot of reviews mean people are bothering to review. Because they truly, honestly care. And you’ve reached a stage not a lot of readers reach.
You’ve gone from one digit amount of reviews, to two digits, and now, to finally three digits. I remember the first time I did that… best feeling in the world.
Congratulations, SunServer, because you truly deserve it.
I’m proud to say this review is officially your hundredth review!
| BeautifulScars7 chapter 10 . 6/26/2008
OMG! Please continue this story! I love House torture and I hope some more is in store! Very original and very well written! Kudos!
| slashfan54 chapter 10 . 5/11/2008
This is fantastic! Please update. Couple of spelling errors You should have lungs not lounges, I think. This really is good.
| You're out of your vulcan mind chapter 1 . 4/24/2008
So seriously, you need to update kinda soon.
*poke poke* Update!
| you're out of your vulcan mind chapter 10 . 3/30/2008
Update! Like now! Or now is good. How about now? Okay seriously update now!
| 2SoulFishbowl chapter 10 . 3/16/2008
great chapter, as always!
Can't wait for more! the sispense is killing me!