|Reviews for Fredoom|
| Scarease chapter 1 . 1/13/2013
one with Diva being stronger and faster and Riku being young ,cute,small innocant as a baby Lamb,as agressive slug or dopt puppy i could see her kidnapping him and using him as her play to to put it nicely even if he is Saya chevaliar.
| Necromantica chapter 1 . 8/29/2010
Wow! That was amazing. That really awesome that it's your first story in English AND your first lemon. I was impressed, aroused and the ending made me cry.
| Deathbringerofvengance chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
very good story. I LOVED THE PART WITH Solomon HA! Scared... for... life. i loved the story. it was a good read and for a first lemon nicely done.
| Razzy chapter 1 . 6/22/2009
Nice fic :P
| PoorlyKnitted chapter 1 . 4/12/2008
Aww...such a lovely riku diva moment...not to mention funny as hell when solomon accidentally walked in...
| XSpaRkieX chapter 1 . 3/2/2008
To be honest with you, this is the first time I've actually read your story, and it's quite good. I like how you use the idea of Riku becoming Diva's chevalier, but still kept his personality the same. For a Spanish speaker, your English is astounding, and you're very creative. If you could, publish more English DivaxRiku stories, because I'd like to read more of your work.
| sillyangelxo chapter 1 . 2/5/2008
VERY nice! ;D
| PrincessOfHeartsNYP chapter 1 . 1/31/2008
Wow for English as a second language, this was awesome! Very well written and at first i felt so bad for Riku, but then he and Diva looked so cute together, u just had to feel happy for them, i wonder what Saya thinks of this...I guess we'll find out soon!_
| Perentie Fan chapter 1 . 1/27/2008
Nice to see this up, though my reservations about Riku feeding from a innocent remain, I give more complete views in my reply to your email.
Anyway, to sum up it looks good. Just could use a bit more cleaning up if it suits you, as the review below suggested.
Keep up the good work.
| LightningStrikesAgain chapter 1 . 1/26/2008
WAY TO GO! You presented an AWESOME fanfic! They're still a couple of GRAMMAR and SPELLING mistakes...
BUT, as the newest member of the RikuxDiva staff, I fell that it's my obligation to further the BEST OF THE BEST.
1. For the segment that went "Because he's going to stay with me. Forever.", the segment would go a WHOLE LOT smoother written "Because he's going to stay with me, Forever!"
2. The two words "blood stains" can be joined into the COMPOUND WORD "bloodstains".
3. The 2 words "sun rays" can be joined to form "sunrays".
4. For the segment that went "I wanted him to know how pleasant drinking blood could became.", the word that SHOULD have ended that sentence is "become". (Became is PAST TENSE, Become is FUTURE TENSE)
5. For the segment "That tasteless blood tasted so much better in Riku." I think you should change it to "...so much better ON Riku." (Remember, you were talking about the blood ON Riku, not IN him)
6. For the segment "(and ever time I had him for my own.)", it should be "(and everY time..." (No Y on the word every)
7. For the segement "I felt Riku's shaking arms around my neck, his fangs bitting hardly on my shoulder.", the sentence should be "...around my neck, his fangs biting hardly on..." (No double T in biting)
8. The term "fast forward" should be hyphenated "fast-forward".
9. The segment "But thats enough for me." should be "But that's enough for me". (No apostraphe on the contraction that's)
Other than those 9 things, I see nothing else structurally wrong with your fanfiction. If you wanna edit the fanfic to include these changes, a footnote would be appreciated. (As I did spend about 40-60 minutes reviewing and typing to give you these MINOR corrections
| xxbeni.music.soul chapter 1 . 1/26/2008
Lovely! Yo tbm soy una Spañish-speaker asi que tengo por lo menos una idea de lo q pasas Me gusto mucho! Muy facil de leer y bien cutesy pero totalment in-character d Diva y el lil sweet Riku Espero que escribas mas fics d Blood !
PD: Oh, xq cambiast tu summary? El otro (segun mi humilde opinion) era mas catchy si me captas lo q te digo
| Amshel chapter 1 . 1/25/2008
Your English and grammar are better than most native speakers on this site! Good first lemon! I hope you do more!