|Reviews for Not a Normal Everyday Girl|
| demogirl193 chapter 10 . 7/21/2008
Translations...yes please. i'm stupid and don't speek any other language except for my native one, English, and even then i have trouble.
so, what is wrong with the beginning? i fail to understand what you dislike about it, but you're the auther, you make the calls.
it is ironic that hitsugaya got a cold, but was asking for it, with the whole not eating and going out in the rain.
YEAH! Hitsu's In character! Um...YEAH
update, pwetty pwease!
| demogirl193 chapter 9 . 7/21/2008
sorry, i've been busy, but i'm back!
oh so kirei doesn't flirt, that'll be good to know, now i won't misinterpret things.
this was downright adorable, i enjoyed this chapter! you had a spot where Kirei and hitsu where calling each other names while training...i can't really explain, but you have something like Kirei’s reaction at the end of what hitsu said, and that gave me the idea that it was Kirei saying what hitsu said...it's just...it's just confusing.
anyway that's all. ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!
| silverfire113 chapter 10 . 7/18/2008
lol once more very funny
i love reading this story it always keeps me entertained. Keep up the awesome work and update soon
| silverfire113 chapter 9 . 7/2/2008
awesome chapter! I love how you write it's fun to read lol
interesting other story by the way XD
| ContraryMaryBee chapter 8 . 4/26/2008
getting her top steal his haori was PURE GENIUS!
who...that was good
anyways...have her meet yachiru and kenpachi...have kenpachi let her act like yachiru (like as in sitting on his shoulder/tugging his hand for candy or something)
tehn let hitsugaya try to drag her away from her little sister yachiru..
| demogirl193 chapter 8 . 4/18/2008
You know i like your story, but this chapter really made me lift my eyebrow. For one, Hitsu stubbornness would have prevailed and he would have gone to the meeting without his haori. Two, i'm pretty sure that the captains have more than one haori because they tend to get destroyed in battles. Three, the friendship between the two is beginning to seem forced and one sided. My solution for this, take it down a notch and make the friendship develop a little slower. The slower the better in my opinion, because then the romance doesn't seemed like it’s forced (that is your ultimate goal, right, to have them start really caring for each other?)
Also, kirei is beginning to slide into the Mary Sue category. My solution for that, send her and hitsu on a mission and have Kirei fail at something, like saving someone's life, and then have her totally devastated. Have her fail at quite a few things and have her say things that she regrets saying, it makes her seem real. If things start taking a downward turn for her, it might give her and hitsu a chance to start understanding each other. a little thing i like to write by is leave the reader wanting more. Don't immediately jump into the whole touch-lovey thing; leave a little distance (literally and metaphorically) between the two relationshipers.
You may also want to start releasing the plot of the story for that too could strengthen the friendship.
Another thing you should think about is getting a beta reader. Even if you're like me and your story takes the backseat of your life, it's nice to discuss plot ideas and writing techniques.
| erina destiny chapter 8 . 4/11/2008
wow its pretty hilarious hahah
update soon k!
| Sinestra chapter 8 . 4/11/2008
I think I've got it. :P
| ContraryMaryBee chapter 7 . 3/26/2008
keriei should have a run in with kenpachi...i wonder whats gonna happen then.
and aizen...god i hate that guy! GR
| demogirl193 chapter 7 . 3/17/2008
YEAH NEW CHAPTER! you have spring break already! man i have another two months!
Thank you for keeping it in first person in the flashback, that was the problem i had in the first chapter.
All in all this was a great chapter and i look forward to the next one.
| Sinestra chapter 7 . 3/16/2008
Poor Shiro-chan, he's being tortured
Actually, I don't care, update soon!
| roxasmay chapter 1 . 2/29/2008
hey "Hiroko" it's ashley (as in ashley from ur PE class) i just read ur story i love it please update soon! ur a great story writer u should write more stories when ur done with this 1
| demogirl193 chapter 6 . 2/19/2008
Hitsu's not going to be happy about tutoring.
I can really tell that Kirei hates her family; you did well writing that.
well, my last two reviews were very long so i can't really think of anything to put into this one.
Keep up the great work!
| demogirl193 chapter 5 . 2/19/2008
Okay, due to alway changing POV's you need to always tell us who we are (you sorta don't tell us in the beginning of the chapters).
Why doesn't she want anyone to know about her zanpaku-to? And how is she able to come up with all of these inventions? She belongs in twelfth division...maybe not, that captain freaks me out and she'd probably end up being some sort of experiment.
I love when people ramble, it helps the reader follow the thoughts of the character (consider yourself lucky that you can ramble, i can't worth my life). Authors notes are nice in the text, but always consider if it is needed. When you told us that you were rambling it took the reader away from the characters thoughts. Just for future reference, when you ramble consider it following the characters thoughts, not just you going on about nothing.
I'm proud of you. You may not have a lot of reviews (it's okay, neither do i), but you haven't given up! It bugs me when people start writing a great story, but for some unknown reason stop. Please don't stop writing this, it's way too good to be discontinued!
PS the reason i'm (in my opinion) being hard on you is because i see progress and the potential to be a very great writer. I'm a beginning writer and i don't know how talented i am, but i can see that you are very talented.
| demogirl193 chapter 4 . 2/19/2008
A few errors.
First, i couldn't really tell strait away that the beginning was in Riku's POV.
Second, "He disappeared from my sight again to disappear in the back of me, his sword coming down to slice me in half" the second disappear should probably be reappear.
third, "I stared at him looking directly into his cough deranged cough filled eyes." What were the coughs about?
Fourth, punctuation. You've been doing this all along, but for some reason it stuck out today.
Fifth, don't refer to other stories. You said that she felt like she was fighting Naruto's clones, don't do that; even if it describes it better. Say something like "she felt as if she was fighting a hundred of him" or something along that.
Well, that's only five critics! Now for the praise! GREAT FIGHT! i actually understood what was happening. AWESOME WRITING! i hope my fighting sequence in my story makes as much sense. Great, now i'm going to have to go back and reread it.
whatever! Next chapter!