|Reviews for Vulnerable|
| ssjEasterBunny chapter 4 . 1/28/2013
Ahaha Beastboy giving Raven the "Say Uncle" treatment! That's like trying to win a game called "You Lose".
So Beastboy has a new look, and you came up with a pretty cool costume. I like the paw prints and knuckle gloves, and it seems like Raven does, too. It's starting to become funny how she always trips over herself around him, and yet this does seem in character for her. I think that the show just doesn't show us enough examples of how she reacts to teenage crushes, but I have no problem believing that she does feel them. She just keeps bumping into him whenever he's shirtless! It's almost like she's fated to fall for him. But that's crazy; Raven would certainly never believe in things like destiny and fate... now MAYBE if there were portals involved...
You also took the opportunity to have some fun with not one, but two combat scenes. The battle between Beastboy and Robin was great. I could easily follow what was going on, and the characters' styles were believable. It makes sense that Beastboy's form is rusty, but his heightened reflexes, speed, agility, flexibility, and strength all help to compensate for it. If his form were polished a little bit, I actually think he'd be a checkmate match for Robin. It's true that Beastboy's technique will never match Robin's, but I think it's also true that Robin's physical speed and strength will never match Beastboy's. So... yep, this was a good fight.
But it does create issues with the second fight: Beastboy vs. Raven. In a match with no powers, I think Beastboy beats any other Titan, hands down (again, except Robin). Raven may have excellent form and she may be able to see Beastboy's mistakes as he makes them. But if you're familiar with the "Naruto" show, then this is like Sasuke when he first started using his Sharingan eyes against the super-fast Rock Lee: he could see Lee's attacks and vulnerabilities, but couldn't move his body fast enough to keep up. The same applies here. Gar's heightened reactions would let him avoid any of Raven's attacks, no matter how well-executed. And his speed would allow many of his attacks to land on target, even if Raven sees them coming. As a plot device, I'm sure this fight did what you wanted it to do for the story. But if you ever do that rewrite you mentioned, then this paragraph is just something to consider.
Now we have a new bad guy. I can't really comment on him yet. I'm not sure who he's talking to (probably no one) and who this "we" is that he mentioned. All the more reason to post that fifth chapter!
And yeah, your costume designer reminded me of the similar character from "The Incredibles".
| ssjEasterBunny chapter 3 . 1/23/2013
I like your writing style in this story. Your repetition of specific phrases creates a nice flow between ideas. A good example is the final paragraph of the first chapter, in which "He ran to..." is repeated as you list everything Beastboy is striving for. Sometimes your poetic license falls a little short (e.g. In the second chapter: "...he sounded her, and she to him." Just take out the "to".), but it's no fun if we don't take risks, right?
Beastboy is spot on in terms of characterization. I like the maturation, and the way her integrates back into the group so effortlessly. I laughed at the image of him showing up at the door, holding their pizza while soaking wet, tattered, and shirtless. Poor Raven!
And soaking of whom, I'm not sure I'm used to seeing Raven this way. Granted, you prefaced the second chapter by establishing that she can feel more emotions now. And given her (presumed) lack of love life, maybe it makes sense that she turns into a horny school girl around the new-and-improved and not-annoying Beastboy. But when she compares her own "need to move on" with Beastboy's progress, it just strikes me as overly self-conscious for Raven.
Lastly: he was gone for SEVEN YEARS?! I was reading it like, " 'It's been seven years since he left' Cyborg sighed as he continued to play his-WHAT? SEVEN YEARS?!" Haha that surprised me.
| Guest chapter 4 . 9/6/2012
It's Veni,Vidi,VICI sheesh get your history and wat will happen next
| Guest chapter 4 . 9/6/2012
It's been 5 years wat happen?!
| Denalien chapter 4 . 10/27/2008
cool,please continue as soon as you can,or else i will continue this story!...XD(easy,i can't stole your story because:
1.i can't speak in english in that way(yet)
2.I have a religion like that what prohibits from the theft!)
So sorry,but like i said it earlyer i can't speak in english,because i'm hungaryan!
| browneyedbaby17 chapter 4 . 8/14/2008
So angsty...I LOVE it! please continue.
| ZadZap chapter 4 . 6/1/2008
| ZadZap chapter 3 . 5/31/2008
| angelicravenx3 chapter 4 . 4/2/2008
what an awesome story you have going! great at describing scenes, especially fighting ones. nice job!
| BBRaeFan chapter 3 . 4/2/2008
I dont know if this is what Laserai was reffering to about Pan in relation to Eva, but her description and personality do seem to be reminisent of one Misato Katsuragi, minus the glasses of course, if that is who Laserai was inferring then I agree, and that is something to be very proud of indeed, she is probibly the single most well know FEMALE anime character, Goku holds the title of most famous anime character of all time, she is the biggist female one. The series shes from is equaly famous and infomous, 16 only though, not just due to viloence or that sort of thing though, most people over the age of 21 dont understand the series, Eva is short for Neon Genises Evangalion, it will only make sense if you watch all 26 episodes back to back, all 3 movies, and read both of the manga series, and even then you have to have a certian kind of mindset. All that aside if my guess was right this is a compliment of the highest regards from an anime fan, one I agree with, keep up the good work.
| redrave003 chapter 4 . 4/2/2008
I love how you described the fights and the bad guy. keep it up sis
| Sunnyspider chapter 1 . 4/1/2008
You should read the begining to yourself. I think you mention his puberty way to much, even if it later becomes an important part of the story. other then that,not too bad :)
| BBRaefan chapter 4 . 4/1/2008
Not bad, the only mistake I've seen is that Robin should be nightwing by now, aside from that very good. Honostly I was expecting BB to hook up the gamestation to the holo arena though, ;) make the boy blunder go 3 rounds with sepharoth, thatly learn em. It looks like raven has a better grasp of humor though, looking foward to seeing it. Till next time Ja Ne.
| acosta perez jose ramiro chapter 4 . 4/1/2008
Excellent fight scenes!
Nice BB/Rae's interaction. My guess is that BB lacks focus while Raven lacks his ability to improvise and use unexpected moves.
Keep the good writing.
| Nos482reborn chapter 3 . 3/26/2008
cool suit idea.. lol man now if only the show would of thought of something that cool lol