|Reviews for Time and Again|
| caffeineandshiny chapter 44 . 2/14
I apologize ahead of time for my lengthy review, but since this story is 8 years old I felt that feedback each chapter would not make difference at this point. So this is my review of the whole story.
First off, let me start by saying that you have crafted one of the most enjoyable works of Naruto fanfiction I have read. I must admit, I was a bit hesitant to read your story at first. The first few chapters weren't bad, but they weren't particularly gripping either especially because at this point in time the manga is (finally) complete and Orochimaru became rather irrelevant as well as being far less powerful than the heroes and the villains at the end. I loved how weak he was compared to Itachi in particular.
I gave it a shot though, and man am I glad I did. It was enjoyable from start to finish. You had a few minor grammatical errors here and there (not that I am one to talk) such as accidentally leaving a letter out of a word, leaving out a word, using "accept" instead of "except", having an incomplete sentence, not matching tense properly...etc etc but these errors were far fewer than 99% of fanfictions (and they mostly cropped up in later chapters, where you yourself admitted to not editing as much. There were a few early on that had them too though.)
Your narrative was very smooth and (the majority of the time) engaging, and your dialogue was superb. You melded canon with your story very well. You are a very predictable writer, but in your case that is not a bad thing. The reason why twists were so predictable was because you were so good at keeping the characters in character. It was easy to predict their moves (for the most part) because one only needed to know how the Canon version of the character would act. Even the changes that you made to characters' personalities and strengths were internally consistent within the story. Even non canon events were a mirror to canon events.
For example, it was easy to predict that Rin was bad (which I personally don't like because I love canon Rin and her sacrifice as a jinchuriki, but you did a good job of making me still enjoy her arc in your story despite that). A) the bad good bad double flip is a clique and B) since Tsunade wouldn't get the chance to be tempted to be bad, someone else would have to be. That person would likely be in one of the incarnations of the sannin team, and they would likely be female and be tempted by Orochimaru out of love for her precious people. That left Sakura (which would have been out of character for her) or Rin once she was introduced. And you flat out told us it was Rin, you just tried to change our minds after. It was a bit ironic that Rin betrayed the Leaf out of love for Obito, since later in canon we learned that Obito (Tobi) was bad because he was trying to make a world where he could bring Rin back.
I liked the Game of Thrones reference, with the "Sasori/The Lannisters sends his/their regards" although it ruined the part with Sarutobi. It made it way easier to pick out the seemingly insignificant cough, combined with a drink. Purple wedding hmmm? You all but confirmed it in Orochimaru Gaden too.
It was kind of ironic that Naruto got disqualified from the Chunin exam AND used Sage Mode, since Sage Mode was the reason he got disqualified the second time he took the exam in the anime, years after this story came out.
I definitely missed things from current canon that you had no way of putting in. Kyuubi mode, Sage Mode, Naruto's friendship with B and Kurama, and the shinobi alliance are all favorite story aspects that I love and wish could have been in your story. It would have made Naruto even harder for Kakashi/Sarutobi/Jiraiya to doubt, and he would've been even more badass.
Of course, if Naruto had had those things while he was an adult or a child in your story, Orochimaru would have been a non issue even with Sasuke's body. Not to mention there is no way Naruto would have been captured by Rin. And where's the fun in a story where Orochimaru is the main bad guy but istoo weak to be relevant? It would have made Naruto's complete defeat at the beginning a bit hard to believe as well, considering how awesome "Konoha's orange flash" is.
I would be highly interested if you ever came back and wrote a version of this story that incorporates current canon. Especially now that Naruto is over (Boruto might be canon, but I consider it more of an official fanfiction, kind of like I see the filler episodes).
A list of a few small things I didn't like, besides Rin (which was still well done, although I don't know why she wouldn't have tried to help Kakashi during his fight at the quarry if she was there) and you being 8 years behind canon (that is not your fault, nor does it mean that the story couldn't have started where it did even if you started writing today, it is up to you as the author!):
I didn't like hown weak Hinata started out. She was weak, for sure, but she was still better at taijutsu than most of her class and certainly better than Shino, who was portrayed as only knowing the bare minimum (there was even an anime episode where they went further into this, showing how weak he was if he was forced into taijutsu). You did great with hinata's character but for some reason it just bugged me.
I felt like Sasuke's doubt of Naruto at the end was a little forced. Not that Sasuke (especially canon Sasuke) wouldn't have these thoughts but that he wouldn't have necessarily had them right there on the battlefield. I mean, he basically had to ignore that Naruto was unconscious and being dragged through hell, broken arm and all, to jump to that conclusion. He didn't even think about Naruto being obviously drugged when he was having his doubts, which was a bit out of character especially considering his concern for Naruto's wellbeing. I don't know why but it left me felling like their friendship was in some ways even less stable than in the manga. But that's probably just me.
I felt that tsunade was a bit out of character. You did a good job of showing her reluctance and misery but it just felt a little...off. maybe it's because she was way less willing to help Konoha than in the manga. After all, she was willing to kill Orochimaru to protect the village, even when she thought she'd never go there again and that wasn't even during wartime (AND it was while Orochimaru was offering her her precious people). I just feel that she would be reluctant...but maybe not QUITE so much. As I said, she just felt a little off. I can't really describe it.
I love the friendships and developments in your story that Kishimoto left till way farther along.
That's all I can think of for now for this very long and generalized review but if I think of anything more I will add it to my review of the sequel, after I read it. I really hope you become active again, it would be a pleasure to see such a promising writer's work 8 years later. I apologize for any typos, my phone's autocorrect is wonky.
P.S. I totally know that Kabuto is probably a traitor. For him to show up and do basically what he would have done during the Chunin exam, plus position himself so that he could get several things at once, is too much of a coincidence. He got Sasuke's trust and gratitude (as well as solidifying his position as an ally) which would make it easier to make the grab for Orochimaru (which also explains why Orochimaru didn't go to more effort to capture Sasuke). He killed
Kimimaro, ensuring his place as Orochimaru's favorite as well as saving Sasuke (the new body) from being killed. His new standing in the Leaf enabled him to plant the seeds of doubt about Naruto's loyalty. The list of benefits goes on, plus it would be completely in character for him to do something like this especially now that we know that the changes from the original time line were due to Orochimaru. This almost eliminates the possibility of him NOT being a traitor. It would be even more in character for him now that we know how skilled a tactician he was during the 4th shinobi war but I suppose that won't really come into play in the sequel either (again, since you wrote this 8 years ago).
| Mr. Adnade chapter 5 . 2/1
Affect ! Effect...
That word misspeling got under my skin like crazy... affect is feeling affection for something/someone... effect is what you meant to say in this chapter TWICE! you gotta get a beta dude...
This coming from someone whose mother language is spanish!
Otherwise, pretty good chapter. The thinking process of your Naruto is kind of weird, I mean he is supposed to be thirty five mentally, but reading it sounds like a person with mental/learning disabilities, I don't know... it's unsettling
| RicoSmileyface chapter 2 . 1/22
Landed in someone elses house after overshooting a jump... And then there's sounds of a struggle lmfao i imagined him and some random civilian rolling around punching each other... Him trying to leave and the civvie assuming he's being robbed in broad daylight... Wtf hahahaa
| Redery chapter 40 . 1/21
Goddman effing Kabuto forgot about his bums treacherous face.
Jiraya and Tsunade better hurry up and save some lives. Probably need a Sannin to take out Kimimaro if he's not dying.
| Redery chapter 39 . 1/19
Gaara time for you to dup into the darkness just a bit for the light lol.
Ron is soooooo stupid and annoying. Just chidori her already
| Redery chapter 38 . 1/19
Still not sure why Rins alive either now or in the future she's supposed to have died by kakashi hand
| Redery chapter 37 . 1/19
Yay Gaara's back to the light side!
WTF just happened? Where did the sound guys suddenly come out of?
| Redery chapter 36 . 1/19
That was a good fight and a great conclusion.
Aha! So the invasion is going to happen! Hope to find out what the hecks been going on soon.
Though not sure how you'll wrap up the entire series in just a few more chapters seeing as this is listed as complete.
| Redery chapter 35 . 1/19
That was pretty awesome. Surprised Sakura held her own for so long lol.
| Redery chapter 34 . 1/19
Now that I think about it, might have been more merciful of Sasuke to beat Sakura instead of having her face Gaara lol.
Hope Kabuto's dead.
| Redery chapter 33 . 1/19
Who in the world could that possibly be? Madara? Not even Itachi is cocky enough to think one Sannin let alone two would be a minor annoyance. Even Orochimaru wouldn't.
LOL that ending
| Redery chapter 32 . 1/19
This is getting really confusing now with Rin being alive and Kabuto and Suna seemingly being normal. It's interesting and all, but kinda annoying as well
| Redery chapter 31 . 1/19
Wait what isn't Rin dead like ages ago?
And I don't like Kabuto one bit he's definitely up to something
| Redery chapter 29 . 1/19
About time he got the Sharingan. Freaking useless without it lol. That ability is more broke than getting an entity of chakara put inside you.
| Redery chapter 28 . 1/19
Had to look up a lot of the old names lol damn it's been a while. Can't blame Naruto for forgetting them.
Sakura and Hinata are coming along nicely.
Sucks to be Shino though, Lee doesn't even use chakara