Could have been an amazing story if you didn't use all the fanon tripe of abuse and if you had obviously completed the story.

Hermione should not have known the things she did when first talking to Harry. Also, McGonagall could have picked Harry up when taking the Grangers. No need to force canon when the story is not canon.

'Look! A distraction !' That's funny, because we are not so stupid to fall for something like that. It's an hilarious parody of distraction! Very funny! Hum... wait a minute... What were we talking about about? I forgot. I was laughing so hard at your ridiculous attempt of distraction that I was... distracted...
You mean, it really worked ? '

You are evil ;) Umbridge as fangirl and stalker of Lockhart. I haven't read a story with such plot and it's quite smart decision.

Alright. I read this all the way through, and it's a good story. I like the broad idea, at any rate. Your grammar is impeccable, and you have a good handle on characterization.

What really bogs this down is the /massive infodumps/ you've inserted at various points in the story. Listen: Exposition isn't bad. I am all for worldbuilding- in fact, I absolutely adore it. That said, the walls of worldbuilding text are intimidating and hard to read. No matter how intriguing they were, I found myself skipping over paragraphs containing more than two hundred and fifty words. This is because you grouped them all in one place as opposed to unveiling your world bit by bit.

While that is a matter of style to some extent, it is not so exclusive to style that it supersedes the reader's sense of flow in the story. Compare a story to a river: if it flows clear and free, often it is beautiful. But if there is something stopping it up- be it a dam or a fallen tree or a truly hideous collection of fangirls or even a huge pile of diamonds- it is going to be significantly less eye-catching than if it is allowed to run its natural course. So it is with the tales we humans tell. There is a rhythm to prose. It's less pronounced than poetry, certainly, but it still exists. You must have dialogue and setting in equal measure; theme and narrative and atmosphere must be intertwined. Everything's got a ratio.

This story's largest issue is that its ratio is heavily skewed in favor of worldbuilding- it is the pile of diamonds that obstructs the river's flow, if you will. I say this because you have good thoughts on how each world works, thoughts that I'd love to adapt for my own use if I were able to sustain a consistent narrative in either universe. There are other issues I personally have. I disagree with some of your decisions, but you provide reasons for them that aren't just handwaves. I can accept that.

It's not my story, after all. It's yours. I wonder if consumers of fanfiction forget that too often- that sure, they've got an opinion (as I evidently do), but ultimately it's not up to them to fix all that they perceive to be wrong with someone's work.

I'm not going to stretch this out to ridiculous lengths, but please know that I wrote all this out because I truly enjoyed what you've written here. Fanfiction is often what I use to turn my brain off, and as a side effect I do not often analyze the things I read here. I appreciate that your work has provoked thought from me, and I shall soon be off to see what else you have written.

I NEED THE SEQUEL!

It was expertly written - the magic/ chakra theory and how Ollivander arranges his wands in his store. Nice.

This is one of the rare good NarutoxHarryPotter crossovers. I'm eagerly awaiting for the sequel.

I know you haven't updated the story in a while, but I just read the AN for ch17 and I think Ino would be a good match for Harry. Her or Tenten. By the way I'm a big supporter of NaruHina.

how old are you 70 or 80? ;)

it has been almost 4 years since you posted the last chapter of part one of this future Trilogy. PLEASE PLEASE write the sequels soon. you got me addicted to this story of yours as it is so different from all the other crossovers i have ever read. UPDATE SOON please!

Dragons must move very slowly. 80 kph is, like, 50mph, and generally-speaking diving is a lot faster...

Heck, after 2.2676 seconds, everything falls at 80 kph, simply due to gravity.

Love it

pl

Would love to see the sequel come up soon :)