Reviews for Perdendosi
undeadgirlxx chapter 1 . 10/16/2008
Whoa, that's horrible! D: I hate Jessica and all, but whoa~
mergirl007 chapter 1 . 4/14/2008
I saw your plea in The Furnace, so I decided to stop by. You're right about the reader feeling a bit separated from Jess's emotions; of course, this is not necessarily a bad thing. In the beginning, I noticed that you had things structured around a very straightforward format: Jess did this, Jess did that, she called Angela, etc. The simplicity sets the tone of detachment, so if you want to change this, I'd recommend changing up your sentence structure to better evoke the emotions that must be raging in Jess at this time. I personally like it the way it is, although the slight upgrade near the end of the fic to a more descriptive form was a shade out of style.

The only real nitpick I have is about Angela's smile. Obviously, Angela has been proven many times over to be a very perceptive girl. I doubt that Jess's scars wouldn't be noticed, nor her despairing attitude, so I feel confused as to why Angela would smile at her. Angela doesn't seem, to me, to be the type of person who would be able to pretend to completely ignore the deeper currents of the situation. I personally feel that Angela would be a shade more in-character if she gave Jess a sympathetic look or a timid offer of help.

It's a gorgeous piece otherwise. ~)Mer(~
lilvoice1 chapter 1 . 2/4/2008 what happened?