|Reviews for Catherine of Goldenlake: The gaintkillers daughter|
| Fightingrose chapter 1 . 3/9/2008
your verb tenses are off, the writing is very stilted. I think you would have a good story if the writing were better. 5/10
| crouchingbunny chapter 1 . 2/16/2008
There are few typos but those are easily enough fixed, also when one character stops talking and another tarts to speak you should start another paragraph. I like the concept. Keep writing. -CB.
| brookie666 chapter 1 . 2/13/2008
hey good opening chapter would like to read more though so keep the rest coming. wouldn't mind knowing where Raouls daughter got her gift from though i was under the impression that neither he nor Buri had any gifted among their family...ahwell should make for an interesting story so keep it up.
| Hunchbook chapter 1 . 2/12/2008
Sweet, cute, and a nice idea to show a girl who is stong, clever, and yet is ok with the idea of learning to be a lady. However, I couldn't finish. Or rather, I had to skim. Therefore I only have on piece of advice for you: get a beta reader. It's not just the grammer, although that needs fixing (your paragraph structure for one thing, makes reading confusing, and I WANT to read it!) but there are a lot of little quirks that sound good in your head, not as good outloud, and terrible on paper (or computer screen, whatever). At the very least, wait a day, then read over the page trying to put your mind in the perspective of someone else who doesn't know anything about you or your story. It will help your writing too to be able to edit your own stuff.
| LadyReaderofBooks chapter 1 . 2/11/2008
I want to offer some constructive criticism here. You don't put commas in some places, I dought that her godfathers name is "Duke Gareth Advisor to the King" it should be written "Duke Gareth, Advisor to the King" You forget periods in some places. Try to read it aloud after you write a chapter, it should flow.
"Then" should not be used twice in the same sentence.'Catherine thought about her brother and he knew her as well as she knew him.' why did you use "and in a sentence where it had little to do with the rest of the sentence? Try to use paragraphs more.
I don't want to say I don't like the story, I do. It could use some work though.
I hope I don't sound like I'm nagging,