Well written story with a great plot and plenty of heartache. Your OCs were well written as well so congrats on that

Holy hell this is boring as fuck.

Interesting idea but too much BULLCRAP in this story for me. It is all over the place. Changing POVs from one to another then back with no warning or reason.

hope life gets off your ass so you can relax gl for the future

Oh good story! I love secret smart Naruto. I like this consept

please come back

You be back one day, right...?

THe asshole is Orochimaru, the daughter is tayuya, takaimi is tayuyas mom and thats all i know

It's Oto. IT'S OTO! Of course! It has to be, and so that means... *gasp!* OROCHIMARU is their leader! Ohhhh, it all makes so much sense now!

If you are going to make a story about some one hiding there genius you went the wrong way about it. making some one act too stupid or cleaver you have to go in the middle to make him self a true ghost not a bumbling buffoon. think of it this was if some one is to stupid some one will find out it is a mask just by coming to the realisation that no one could be that idiotic with out faking it how to truly make some one hid there genius is to go average. It goes like this you remember the idiot because well he did something stupid,you remember the top guy because he did something outstanding but do you ever remember the guy who made no waves... you need to rewrite this story to make it readable to people that can fathom what a story should be though i must say you have mad a good start you just need a little more practice. PS one must always keep an eye on the fool for he will surprise us in the end one must keep an eye on the king for he has the power... but now one keeps an eye on the average people so when they leave the shadows to topple the king we are left dumbstruck.

Too bad she died

Weeelp... RIP story, there were a few things I loved about this story, Badass Hinata and Naruto BTW. Technology Hinata is definitely new. And a few things that I absolutely... Disagreed with in terms of setup... But that's all in the past now since this is officially dead... Well, indefinitely but hope you succeed after this story in whatever the hell you were doing. (Probably did seeing as this is gathering dust.)

Hello Orochimaru and his servants. There were a lot of hints in this chapter that finally lead to that conclusion. Working with Danzo, the knowledge of the underground and the testing/killing of Giza's family and the fact that they are missing ninja point to him. Great story.

I'm sorry, I just MUST make my concerns heard about Chapter 08, water clones; they are not used in the manner you used them, a single one holds only a tenth of the originals power, and they are limited to a certain distance from the caster, a distance which they greatly stepped over, oh and also, when they disperse, their experience is not transferred to the original, that's only unique to kage bunshin. Well, now that I'm writing le reply, I'd like to say kudos on the current fight scenes they are really enjoyable to read!

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