|Reviews for The Genius Losers of Konoha|
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/20/2013
I think its great!
| FallenHuntr chapter 1 . 9/15/2013
| Drakius Marethyu Damnati chapter 41 . 7/16/2013
| Guest chapter 7 . 7/15/2013
one of them looks like G-man
| Drakius Marethyu Damnati chapter 14 . 7/15/2013
Your story is seriously confusing me.
| MasterBrattan chapter 17 . 7/4/2013
Called it on Tayuya being her daughter.
| Guest chapter 8 . 7/3/2013
U stupid dirty fish monger u cant right for cheeese stick wit ur day job at mac donalds, stick to writing on d walls in street there u can express ur talent-less self, the most intresting part of ur story was d title.
| Igor De Souza Santos chapter 4 . 6/13/2013
| Crow667 chapter 17 . 6/2/2013
heh you portrayed her relation to tayuya pretty well "she was awesome!" i liked her too bad she had to die
| Elle Madison chapter 17 . 5/19/2013
I KNEW SHE WAS TAYUYA'S MOM!
| SopranosHigh chapter 1 . 4/27/2013
So far I liked the first chapter. I hope you flashback and explain how your Hinata ended up so differently. I find her character really interesting in a way, 'cuz we both have issues with confidence. (Although I only seem shy; I'm really not at all, just an introvert). But that makes me more curious as to the aforementioned point.
But don't be building my hopes up for nothing good sir or ma'am. I really want to see more of this strong Hinata who interacts with Naruto independently. Not Naruto the knight in shining armor or Hinata as some princess without her backbone! But I shall see, won't I? XD
Actually, a friend of mine and I, we think Hinata is the dominatrix (though no one would guess which makes it funnier). For totally. Again, XD.
| Agato - The Hadou Inari chapter 2 . 3/29/2013
STOP WITH THE MASK CRAP! Fucking hell man every goddamn fic of this it's the mask this and the mask that! Shove your love for that Canon shit and that buttfucker Kishimoto RIGHT UP YOUR ASS!
| Elim Garak chapter 9 . 3/9/2013
Your story is excellent from the technical perspective - it is very well written. For me it does have some problems though that keep it from my own "great" classification. Just thought I would point out my own issues with it (such as they are and of whatever importance you place on them). Maya be they will be useful for you either for a later revision of this story or for a different story.
1. The main characters are rather unsympathetic to me. They are about as sympathetic as the Uchiha here. They both appear to be cold psychopaths. Primarily because of their actions and because they never seem to feel any hesitation or doubt in their actions. That doesn't seem human. It is much harder to connect to and to care about crazy people that do insane things - crazy people that you can't connect on so many levels. Just thinking that Saskue is a dick is a start, but it is not enough.
This point can probably be corrected (if you feel like it) by adding a few paragraphs here and there describing the background feelings and motivations of the main characters. This may slow down the story somewhat, change its tone, and make it less "giddy", but I think it would worth the effort. Up to you.
They appear to be psychopaths because of the following:
- Hinata appeared to lobotomize a couple of people. From the context I am guessing they were already dead - or the lobotomy was achieved by the seal - but that's not clear. It reads like she took very sick people, lobotomized them to remove the seal, and then converted them into Frenkenstenian monsters that acted like her slaves. And she felt nothing about this action apparently - no regrets or feelings, although she did appear to care for them somewhat. I suspect this was not what you meant when you wrote that section, but that's what it reads like. Therefore this could be made clearer. It would be even better if we got more on Hinata's feelings about the monsters - and possibly vice-versa.
- Naruto captured and at least psychologically tortured a 9 year old girl. Showing virtually no empathy. He was barely concerned whether she lived or died. That's pretty much the mark of a psychopath - or at least of somebody who trained extensively to detach himself and not feel empathy, like a military interrogator. And these guys are 12 - no matter how smart they are they should still appear to be human. Decent human beings give far more thought to their pet cats and dogs, let alone other humans. This shows Naruto to at the very least to be a cold unfeeling bastard - much worse than the Sasuke or Sakura by comparison, according to what we saw here. Bashing has very little impact when the bashers are just as deeply flawed, if not more so.
- Both Naruto and Hinata used deadly force at the drop of the hat. Apparently they killed for the first time in the catacombs and thought nothing about it. And Naruto was ready to kill Haku with very little emotion. That may be the mark of a true shinobi, but it's not the mark of a human. Humans require a lot of training to be turned into that.
2. Just a logical problem. I doubt that you can fix this without rewriting the story from scratch, but it still bugs me a bit, so I figure I would bitch about them.
- Hinata uses technology that's out of cannon of this world, and is far too advanced. With the presence of explosive notes why aren't there guns that can't be ducked? Energy weapons bring things into a whole different level. There are too many highly advanced components required to make most of these things work. The presence of transistors requires an electronics factory, a highly advanced lab, with chemical compounds of high purity. It requires an electronics industry to support the technology. An industry that is apparently more advanced than ours in places... This could be made to work if you mentioned jutsu-based manufacturing of some sort - e.g. a custom jutsu manufacturing shop where they make advanced and highly detailed crap that they don't understand. This is the same problem that Batman faces - he can't built those jets and cars in his cave, he uses the vast resources of his corporation to indirectly hire hundreds of thousands of people for building his wonderful toys. Two Frankenstein monsters are not going to cut it.
- Hinata also has too much knowledge in the medical science, and not enough medical equipment and research. We are creating brain-computer interfaces only now, after literally decades of research, supported by billions of dollars in funding - how is she supposed to have discovered this in just a few short years with virtually no support? And that research we are using today is built on centuries of knowledge of human anatomy, chemistry, biochemistry, research, experimentation on mice, etc.
- Naruto has too many resources in some respects. Raw materials. Where did he get his underground compound? If he had shadow clones set it up, then that would be one thing. However, he didn't. It would be nice if you mentioned that he used a stolen Earth scroll with jutsus to create the underground chambers. And/or that he learned Earth jutsus for metallurgy that somehow make it easier to create his weapons.
The only way to completely solve the logic problems that I mentioned here and to still fit into the Nurto universe would be to say that Konoha is built on top of a long buried extremely advanced society. Like after a nuclear war or something they found a couple of buried buildings & facilities, and were able to scavenge them for books, parts, tools, and equipment. Or they found some sort of crashed alien starship.
3. The knowledge problem. Again, some of this can be fixed, if you wish to, by adding a few paragraphs & sentences here and there. For example, where did Naruto and Hinata learn all their advanced techniques stuff? Are books on advanced Fuinjutsu just lying around? How did Hinata acquire all that medical knowledge? Even with eidetic memory it takes time to read, comprehend, and absorb all the medical books available in the modern world. Where are Naruto's other intermediate experimental results in Fuinjitsu? How about the extremely advanced projects that he would like to do in that area but can't yet? Where are the intermediate weapons or tools between a DVD laser and the projected energy weapon? The desk-sized prototypes? Tony Stark had the excuse of an army of robots that could build stuff for him using the most advanced tools & technologies money can buy - these guys do not.
Overall, this story is pretty good. I just think it can be a lot better.
| awkarddnnja chapter 1 . 2/7/2013
Hey, I was wondering if you were ever going to continue this fic. It is really good and I would like to see it finished.
| I'm Naruto Dude chapter 1 . 1/7/2013