|Reviews for Flawed Perfection|
| Guest chapter 11 . 1/30/2011
Sir, I am disappoint. You haven't put out Consequences II.
And your profile estimated January 17th.
MAKE IT WORK ALREADY!
| 3r4gon chapter 11 . 1/24/2011
"Murtagh is just that much more powerful, magic-wise; and in the centre of Helgrind, magic didn't work at all"
If You cant use magic in the centre of Helgrind, how did Murtagh do it?
| Pens Insanity chapter 11 . 1/16/2011
Really enjoying this fic so far, and I love that it's centered on my two favourite characters. (though I'll try not to act all spoilt if you bring in other POV's, I enjoyed your delving into Elva so that's a good sign that you can do other people well..)
The 'Choices' chapters were very well done, you did suspense quite well and when the lights were gone.. well that was creepily portrayed so well done for that. The ending was sad.. But MEH! As long as Arya survives you can kill off whoever you want. (well, except Eragon obv.)
There were a few moments where I kinda got lost in what was happening, like I didn't know what was going on in certain fight scenes (like E/A fighting the Letherblaka-which I realise is spelt wrong, but I'm lazy and don't wanna look it up) but I'm putting that more down to the fact that I was quite tired reading this after just watching Inception. (My mind was blown and I couldn't concentrate) SO mayhaps I'll read this again when I'm able to actually pay attention.
Anywho, you simply MUST continue because, well, my life has many blank spaces filled with boredom, and this could help rectify that! And also because it's an enthralling story and very well written. (is your first language german? If so then, wow this is even greater than great.)
So yes, continue or I'll.. I dunno. Break your ear or something.
| mytenno chapter 11 . 1/15/2011
They're both insane now, huh? It seems that Eragon's finally lost his mind, what with Saphira being gone and all. By the way, I'm still wondering how that strange blue flower from Chapter 3 fits into all of this. He still has that petal, right?
Oh, and Arya. Man, what to say about her? In the beginning her characterisation is strong, and then the whole seduction and the tearing apart the guard's mind thing seemed to throw her off balance. One thing I really like about this is how you show her... well, dark side, and how that effects her. The blunt way she just tells Eragon that she tore apart his mind, and then later when she uses dark magic to kill the Razaac - cold, awesome, badass. Also the scene in this chapter, when she loses all inhibitions and kills those soldiers, out of control, venting out her anger and frustration, and the scene in that burning village when those guys touch her, where she cuts off his hand, kills the other and Eragon has to step in and - yeah, wow. All these little moments are the ones I love the most, the ones where you make Arya yours; not CP's bad rendition of her, but yours.
I liked Consequenes III. The previous chapters before that were Eragon, Arya and Saphira generally alone, save for the battle sequences and the encounter with Murtagh in the 'heart of darkness'. Helgrind seems to cut off the outside world pretty well, huh? Then all those scenes with the Varden, Elva and Talec really bring reality into prospective, reminding me once again that there is still an Empire out there in the middle of a full-blown war. Though, I did find myself skimming parts of it. I wanted to get back to Eragon, especially when you left it at a mini-cliffhanger.
I love all your work (or at least the ones in English). Great job. Keep doing what you're doing, and don't let a single review get you down, especially since the rest seem to be generally positive. You are the God to your story, and you do what you want with it. Once you start to explain yourself to the minority, then you are losing control. You can't please everybody. Your word is law.
Thank you. Lol, and Happy late New Years.
| Knopf chapter 11 . 1/5/2011
Er...I think that your story is kind of sidewinding...at the first few chapters, the quality was very good, and it followed a very interesting and straightforward plotline. Now, the whole story has turned upside down,and my only advice is to either rearrange your plot or straighten it out. Also, I am of the opinion that you use too many short paragraphs. Since this is about Eragon and Arya, I really don't think that you should fill up chapters with the Varden's troubles...it is slightly offtopic. And please don't add any more Varden's soldier POVs, for I don't think that it is revelant. In previous chapters, when Arya gets hurt, she always seems to be screaming. As well as you portray her, it is very unnerving and unnacurate that she would scream, rather, she would groan, moan, muffle it, whatever. Either way, (sigh) unfortunately, she IS Christopher Paolini's picture perfect Mary Sue, and although I understand that you are trying to unveil and better understand her character, she should still retain her initial personality and cold aloofness. As quoted in Eldest, elves are the most unapt to change, so, honestly, Arya won't be the one to suddenly have an emotional breakdown, distressed or no. Paolini contradicts himself when he was writing the cycle; it was, what, less than a year that Arya melted from the icy bon-bon that she is and suddenly became some sort of eternal everlasting partially humble companion to Eragon, some farm boy a fifth of her age. Another thing is, Eragon should be kept in the main scenes, for this is supposed to be centered around him, hence the name of the first book: Eragon. Other than this, you have a few minor mistakes to polish up, but other than these flaws, you are on the general viscinity of "the right track" Using the New York Times reviewing style, I would give you an 82 out of 100. I only hope that you heed my advice and revise a few things. Don't get me wrong, I an very fond of your work, it is just that you have a things to fix. I am a critic, not an appraiser.
| Mr Kouga chapter 9 . 1/5/2011
Heart attack. Serious. 7:00 AM.
OK LET ME JUST TELL YOU THAT THAT WAS TH MOST MOVING CHAPTER I HAVE EVER READ. (strangled sob) I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY AUTHOR ever TO ACTUALLY CONVEY THE EMATHIES OF THE STORY. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING. AND PLEASE DON'T KILL ARYA. REALLY DON'T. NOT COOL. NOT COOL AT ALL. IT'S VERY BAD FOR MY HEALTH.
This chapter was very well-written, with surpassing emotions and the actual empathtic anguish of Eragon's choice. Once again, you have demonstrated extroardinarily great craftmanship, and I humbly advise you to update. Thank you for your time in reading this review.
| LordOfDaemon chapter 11 . 11/23/2010
I've truly enjoyed this story so far. I'm glad that you didn't just quit when Brisngr (don't mind my spelling) came out, and instead decided to make it a true AU. I hate when people quit the story because the next book in a series destroyed their ideas. I hope to see more from you, and an overall great job.
Avid reader of most literary works,
| SeeKayO.o chapter 11 . 10/23/2010
Brilliance. Absolute brilliance. A bold and moving story, that manages to maintain the equilibrium between good and evil that so many other authors, blinded by their desire to see light triumph over dark, have failed to maintain. The brutal and harsh reality of war is nicely balanced by the more tender moments between ExA. Whether you intend for them to be an item (which I personally hope is the case) or just friends, the patience you have shown developing their relationship, yet still managing to maintain the all too familiar tension that occurs in a one sided infatuation, is a testament to your ability as a writer. Perhaps Arya and Eragorn are a touch OC, but despite IC being the product of CP's own vision, I feel you have truely made this story your own, and as such are entitled to modify your protagonists in anyway you choose to.
In my various wanderings through the halls of FFdotNet, I have often found various stories that have The Writer wondering why he/she is not receiving more reviews despite the various praises of an odd 10 or so anonymous reviewers. This story is the difference. It deserves attention, and it deserves praise.
I only wish there was more to read.
UPDATE SOON PLEEEASE )
| I-Am-Silence chapter 11 . 10/20/2010
Excelent story! I cant wait for the next chapter; your story has gotten me into the Inheritance Cycle FF.
| AllIsFairInLoveAndWar chapter 10 . 10/2/2010
wait, so saphira's not really dead, just that the magic-absorbing stone makes it seem like it, right?
| AllIsFairInLoveAndWar chapter 9 . 10/2/2010
Wow, you are EVIL! XD
| AllIsFairInLoveAndWar chapter 3 . 10/2/2010
HA! It's a CLIFF-HANGER! Get it? HA!
| Mister Bigbucks chapter 11 . 9/17/2010
hey, great story you've got here. I hope to see more soon! Keep it up!
| 4theloveofEon chapter 10 . 9/6/2010
why must Faolin be part of her life! realy awesome so far, but the chapters tend to get a little tooooo long...
| Bats and spiders chapter 11 . 8/23/2010
I must say you do an excellent job with this story. In many Eragon stories, I'm annoyed by the ease with which Eragon and Arya interact and fight, but this is realistic. What I do want to say, is: don't make the Empire too strong. At this moment, the balance is good in my opinion, but be aware you don't tip the scales. Keep up the good work!