|Reviews for Flawed Perfection|
| Tabitha of MoonAurora chapter 11 . 8/22/2010
As for serial killer novels it is a bit evident in your work that you have an eye for the darkest side of the world. Not that that's bad, I just felt I would point it out.
Ah after a long week of vacation, I finally have my computer back. (Yeah!) So now I will embark on the long and rather enduring task of reviewing yet another monolithic chapter of yours. Again, not that that's bad.
Well I like your background information on Arya here. There is very much that provides a depth for the character, though I cannot say it is necessarily how I would have written it. But that is generally the point of writing on this site; it give everyone the opportunity to view each tale from anothers perspective and give voice to their own view-points.
As for Arya's decision, you're very right in that I very much hate that it was the decision she made, but I understand her reasoning and, were I in her position probably would have considered the situation and come to the same decision. Unfortunately, that fact still doesn't help with the fact that all of the shippers reading this felt a small part of their hearts die as they read the rather long deliberation that ultimately came to the fall of the gavel on their relationship.
And yes, you description of Eragon is, shall I say, Molto bene!
(Laugh if you understood my reference)
Gath un risa du rakr
Tabitha of MoonAurora
| pupdawg66 chapter 11 . 8/22/2010
Woh. The intensity of this chapter is pretty mind-boggling. Arya is in a grief-ridden depressive state, due to intolerable circumstances. That's actually one of the best things CP set up with the Inheritance Cycle: Arya's ambiguity. No one really knows what's going on in her mind, or what she's going through, and it makes her one of the best characters to work with. She lives such a complicated life. I can't help but feel sympathy for her, even though it would be nice if she would try to be less cynical. That's why I'm rooting for Eragon's recovery. If anyone can bring her out of her misery, it's him. Sure, things have changed between them, but the bottom line is that their relationship - whether on a romantic or platonic level - is one that she doesn't have with anyone else. While I have no control over your choices with the plot, I hope you guide Arya to a brighter side of life and pull her out of the dark whirlpool she's swirling down. It's in her nature to be a strong woman, after all. She just needs to understand that certain things she sees as weakness can actually be strengths. For one with so many years of life and so much attained wisdom and authority, there are a few things she still doesn't know.
As for the Eragon situation, I'm hopeful for Saphira's return. I choose to be optimistic. And he is the shining beacon of light for the good guys, so...it would be great if he was back on his feet in short order. ;) It could be interesting what you do with the next chapter, perhaps correlating his grief with Arya's as they both descend into a dangerous pit of despair. Respectively, they should pull each other out of it. I would imagine that it would be easier for Eragon, though minimally so.
You've made Arya seem so complex, yet transparent. So calm, yet so hostile. So strong, yet so fragile. To explore her mind is to run across hot coals rather than walk on them (which, as prove by MythBusters, shows that running is what will get you burned). Needless to say, it's an enjoyable, albeit sorrowful and somewhat painful, read. I'm intrigued, and I hope to see the second part of this soon.
| Just too lazy to sign in chapter 11 . 8/21/2010
Bet you get this comment alot but...I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR STORY! You imitate CP's style flawlessly and make your story more interesting than his (in my opinion). Update soon (i know its going to take a couple months)
| Bydd byth chi ddod o hyd i mi chapter 1 . 8/16/2010
hey. just i note, go have a look at "A NEW AGE" the chapters in that story get upwards of 30-40thousand words. so no you do not, unfortunatly (Actually fortunatly) have the longest chapter. :(
| Sun B chapter 11 . 8/16/2010
Good to finally see another chapter of this story.
Back to your review reply, I guess the phrase "come together" really doesn't describe Eragon's and Arya's relationship, I just meant the physical touches going way beyond friendship, and that Arya then thought it was Fäolin and all that... but well, I hope you got my point.
This chapter also emphasized my suspicions that Eragon and Arya and definitely not a couple... worse, that their friendship is going to break over this incident. Well, at least Arya is going that path, and I really love this chapter for all the emotion and angst you've put into. I also loved the one sentence near the end, where it says: "A fleeting thought touched Eragon (...) He would understand." After all the length in which she goes through all the emotions before, she tries to ease her conscience about Eragon's reaction very quickly. Or at least that's what I see in these two sentences. I think they are going to hint at the fact that, I think pretty obviously, Eragon is NOT going to understand Arya, and knowing how he acted in Eragon and Eldest, there's probably a big, biiig row coming between the two of them. I'm actually looking forward to that, providing that I haven't lost myself totally in all that speculation. Just wanted to say that this little part I quoted kinda caught my attention.
All in all, a great chapter (again), and I do hope that we won't have to wait that long for another chapter, but alas, not all our wishes come true, and I prefer to have to wait for a couple of weeks/months and then be hit by a chapter with the quantity and quality such as this one, instead of one of those stories where the author updates every second day, but the chapters and the story are mediocre at best (no offense to anybody). Keep the good writing up.
Oh, and on a last note, I am also waiting for updates on your HP stories, particularly A French Affair, but nooo, I definitely did not say that to pressure you.
On the very last note, one more thing I loved about this chapter was that it also connected very deeply to the title, Flawed Perfection. I could go on and on, but I think I'm rambling nonsense right now.
| zxczxcz chapter 11 . 8/16/2010
Yusss,a new chapter :D
I'm getting used to the wait between chapters, and I really don't mind it anymore. Maybe it's because of the quality and imagination of your writing.
This was a good chapter, although I did get confused a little when Arya and Deia were having a conversation as I wasn't sure which person was speaking when. But thats only if I'm being extremely pernickity.
Very, very sad and morose chapter though, and I found myself listening to all my sad songs to coincide with your story. Not many pieces of fanfiction can make me feel emotional, so kudos!
I do wish that it was Arya that took Eragon away on the horse instead though, I love the dialogue you have between the two, and there isn't enough of it.
I have no clue as to where this story will lead, or if Eragon and Arya get together. But I have faith and the journey so far is amazing.
Thanks for not abandoning this story as some other authors might have done :)
Can you reassure me that Eragon and Arya will be together and happy by the end?
Thanks so much for the super read!
Looking forward to the next chapter already.
Fleetaire (Claire1992) ~~
| xmarshall chapter 11 . 8/16/2010
| Dr. Snakes MD chapter 11 . 8/16/2010
It was a long time coming, but you certainly didn't disappoint. The way you write in Paolini's world is stunning. I look forward to seeing what you do with Eragon's character next chapter.
| Valbrandr chapter 11 . 8/16/2010
It's wonderful to see you back and to read at long last the next installment of Flawed Perfection. I'm so appreciative of your keeping me updated on the story's progress.
I was pleased to get an Arya POV - it just reflects again how much of a character study FP is, even though you maintain the flow of the central plot. I found particularly interesting Arya's interaction with Kialandi. Is the insinuation that she was taught dark magic by one of the Forsworn? Ooh. :) I think I would have made a very bad elf, because I would have been all for punishing Kialandi and her dragon on the spot.
Speaking of the elves, I was a little confused on Deia's relationship to the royal family, so I'm going to go back and read that bit again. Also, it was slightly difficult to discern just how Arya was discovered on the scene at Helgrind. What understanding, if any, do the Queen's elves have of the cave incident? I hope not a lot. Awkward. XD
All in all, I really enjoyed the introspection and insight into Arya's character in this chapter. I know that this is Part 1 of Consequences so I can't wait to see the further ramifications of dark magic, Katrina's death, and the incident in the cave. Cheers, and it's great to see you back again!
| Anonymous chapter 1 . 8/11/2010
Amazing. I especially liked the part about angela's rant. Obviously not the best part, but still funny. This has a remarkable resemblance to the third book, though it was obviously written before then.
| Erfquake chapter 10 . 8/7/2010
:) - the expression upon my face after reading the last 10 chapters.
| Guest chapter 10 . 7/28/2010
Amazing just about sums your book up so far, you have excellent character development , the only exception being minor characters like murtagh and elva. That last chapter was very confusing though. Completely enticing and revolting at the same time. You should try writing serial killer novels or seething. You have a lot of crazy and that just seems like somewhere you would excel. The last chapter was all overrhe place though but still can't wait for the rest of the fan fic. I will definately check out some of your other stories.
| silverlasso chapter 1 . 7/14/2010
I like this so far. The characterizations are pretty good overall; no one comes across as OOC, which is awesome.
However, I feel like I've seen much better writing from you. Don't get me wrong, your writing's not horrible. It just doesn't seem as well-crafted as you are capable of doing (although it's probably better than anything I could write). I'm sorry this is vague...it's just the feeling I get. :/
It's okay, though, since this chapter was written in 2008 and you're obviously much better now. I assume it will get better and better as I read more and more chapters.
I have nothing to say on the plot so far. Nothing much has happened yet, but I am eager to see what will come.
*charges towards Chapter 2*
| Sun B chapter 10 . 7/1/2010
This is just said... it's too much... I think. lol Next time you update, you really have to put up some kind of summary again, it's just so much that I need one, to get everything clear and in order.
So, to make things clear for me: You are right now killing almost the entire Surdan population. You are right now killing most of the Varden's army (since it said that the Varden's army's main camp was in Cithri, the city with Talec and stuff). And you make Arya and Eragon finally get together, but both of them are also almost dying and Arya falls asleep thinking Eragon is Fäolin?
Wow... you definitely are cruel... in a wicked, good way. I love it. Not what happens, but that it happens. It makes the whole story be more mature, not only the has drama and tragedy in there that CP's original doesn't have. Probably because he has to think about selling this stuff, and which little fantasy-freak kid wants to read a story where half of the rebellion is wiped out by a storm? Well, I dearly hope that you will update as soon as you can, assuming that you go to school here in Germany, it shouldn't be too long until you get to have your breaks, some states are almost having their summer vacation already. So I hope that in this time, you will be able to catch up with your writing.
| Sun B chapter 9 . 7/1/2010
That is one sad chapter. And one epic Author's Note at the beginning. Reading it, I was like: "Do I even want to read this chapter now?" Well, I'm sure glad I did... my mind is blank now... I'll think of something to say while I read the next chapter... sadly the last one online yet.