|Reviews for A Father's Wrath|
| dieyouperson chapter 2 . 8/7
By the way that's my actual user name. I like the idea, it could go either way though by how you do it.
| NicoDaval chapter 57 . 7/10
"showing them where to hit and strike a foe" ?! Really ?! Oh for god's sake you must be fucking kidding me... I'm sorry to tell you this but my opinion of your story is slowly going down the flush. It was good until chapter 30 or so. Are you seriously making them prepare for war by telling them where to "strike a foe" ? Please... they are ninjas not kids that got took out of the streets.
I'm gonna try my best to finish your story. It's a shame because it's one of the few NaruTayu story on this website.
Oh my god, I just finished the chapter... Shino with a BOW ?! ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING ?! He doesn't need that fucking crap ! THEY ARE FUCKING NINJAS ! Some of them of them use weapons like swords (kenjutsu, Naruto, the seven Swordmen or maybe Haku even he's more ninjutsu focused), or bos, kunais, shuriken maybe nunchakus for Lee BUT NEVER A FUCKING BOW ! Even more for Shino
| NicoDaval chapter 56 . 7/10
Oh come on ! Infantry, cavaliers, archers ?! What the fuck is that ?! They are fucking ninjas goddammit not some ridicule medieval army ! I know I wasn't so aggressive in my previous reviews but this is too much. Come for Kami's sake, they are ninjas not samurais or some shit like that.
Or maybe I've missed the part where you decided to turn your story into a chinese war fiction set during the warring states period.
If the Earth army isn't a ninja army, they're going to get torn apart and only a couple of good ninjas would be enough to take down the lower men. I'm starting to feel like you don't like to write battles using ninjutsu or stuff like that. You're more of a bukijutsu guy.
But please, I hope that this cavaliers bullshit stops soon as it's getting on my nerves
| NicoDaval chapter 53 . 7/10
No, it's not dollars, it's ryos...
| NicoDaval chapter 52 . 7/10
Yeah the chinese names make the ennemy completely laughable. I'm sorry to tel you but they sound horrible.
| NicoDaval chapter 51 . 7/10
Wow thankfully you didn't end up killing Tayuya or Haku. The truth is that I actually didn't read the title of this chapter and so I was kept expecting the demise of this unknown character till the very end.
After 51 chapters I actually ended up pinpointing something that was actually bothering for a while: nearly all of the names that you have invented for this story ! I wasn't sure at first but actually you have been using CHINESE names. That's why it sounded so wrong. And honestly knowing that Naruto would take place in "Japan", it is really cringe-worthy, truly. Chinese names sound so weird.
Don't get me wrong, I like your story. It's an interesting turn with a "friendlier" Orochimaru. But I have a lot of things that I don't particularly enjoy or things that I think could be done differently or slightly better. But in the end, I'm not a writer myself so I can't really judge and be allowed the right to criticise. But I'll take this gamble.
First of all, one thing that I kind of dislike is how you're building the NaruTayu relationship. I loved how you were doing things between them until the "Tsunade healing Naruto" part. But after that it kind of went south. I don't ask for you to write page after page of lemon (I have your other stories for that, they were brilliant by the way) but maybe make things a little more explicit. Sincerely, in the universe of fan fictions, Naruto and Tayuya are my favourite pairing. I think it's because I read an amazing NarutoHarem story not too long ago which included Tayuya, and she was so well developed throughout the story that I fell in love. Going back to anime made me feel very sad as I saw an evil (then a dead) Tayuya. I know for sure that properly writing a relationship is complicated as I have read many stories that failed miserably at it.
Another thing that I find a little weird was the date part. Going to the cinema ? Really ? I think it is really cliche and the Naruto universe is set at a time where they don't have such things. Or maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. It just felt really weird. The "weights" thingy you wrote in the previous chapter I believe, that also felt SOOO weird. Have you ever heard or read about a ninja training with weights in the canon Naruto universe. Ok maybe I'm being a dick, I can't tell but for me ninjas train their strength and speed through the daily exercises that they do to practice their taijutsu, ninjutsu, etc...
Talking about this, your fights are really well written and can be clearly understood. But they are ninjas not samurais ! It's true however that in the manga and anime that Naruto doesn't know many jutsus: the Kage Bunshin, the Rasengan and it's variations, the Kawarimi. He's more a of taijutsu fighter but I was hoping that in your story you would make him learn a few extra jutsus. Honestly after all of the fights you wrote, I only remember the few water jutsus of Kisame, Raikiri, Rasengan and few fire jutsus. PLEASE give us more ninjutsu.
Another thing I've been thinking and hoping for in the light of the latest chapters is the final fight between Naruto and Keiji. To be honest, I don't like Keiji. I couldn't say why precisely, maybe the way you've been building feels ridiculous. But I hope (and I shall see in time) that for this fight, it won't be Naruto getting stomped and pulling out one move that allows him to win. I would love to have a grown up and more badass Naruto that actually stomps his fucking face in the ground.
To end this particularly long review, I have to say thank for having took the time to write this and I hope that my critic was constructed and not a simple mindless bashing. Anyway it is highly unlikely that you will ever read it or even reply to it as this story was written a long time ago and you probably don't use this website anymore !
| DragonBuster117 chapter 46 . 5/11
they ended up not using stealth which is the whole point behind an infiltration.
| DragonBuster117 chapter 46 . 5/11
They gave up a perfect chance to kill their target to end up in a worse postion with none of their weapons and then gave up a chance to kill him with their jutsu and have to now save tayuya and get their weapons back in a prison break. Either they are idiots, or they want to put themselves in the worst postion possible and let tayuya possibly be raped.
| DragonBuster117 chapter 27 . 5/5
I love that you made Mizuki a sacrifice, but I'm pretty sure that they had to be alive for the edo tensi. At least from what I remember.
| Damon Fyrian chapter 66 . 4/18
Interesting, having the Rikudo Sennin kill Jashin's mortal incarnation.
| Guest chapter 10 . 3/30
Was Orochimaru the bounty nin from Iwa?
| Damon Fyrian chapter 40 . 3/19
Not trying to be a killjoy, but there's only one problem with this. Senei Jashu requires the snake contract before it can be used, since it (and it's stronger variant, Senei Ta Jashu) summons several snakes on the practitioner's arm, which then attack the enemy. The proof of this is that Orochimary couldn't use it till Sarutobi gave him the snake contract.
| crusade chapter 1 . 3/18
changing narutos looks was a mistake... should have kept his normal look...
| Guest H chapter 1 . 3/14
How the fuck does that make any sense? Naruto has golden yellow colored hair, while Orochimaru has black hair.
| mugetsuga1998 chapter 43 . 3/3
actually I might