Reviews for Enthusiasm
ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 5 . 2/11/2013
Wow that was an unexpected reaction to having her hopes dashed!
I am really proud of Margret for taking this opportunity to examine her prideful assumptions and admit her faults to herself. I hope she goes on to be a wiser woman and that this self revelation does not get forgotten when the next handsome young man comes along.

You are right, this is the best chapter so far. Congratulations.
I think what makes it good is the fact that there is more depth to Margret revealed here than in any of the previous ones. She is quite spiteful towards poor William (who I actually quite like, just quietly).
Rude to her mother, again not out loud but in her thoughts very disrespectful.
And poor Charles in the previous chapter having to be dragged around town AGAIN! (BTW Charles is a very pretentious name for a servant and when you first introduced him you gave his equally aristocratic surname -which I have forgotten- Gentry would never trouble themselves to know the surnames of their servants)
And then when Eleanor appeared and Margret was annoyed that she didn't enquire about anything new, it just showed how self centered and manipulative she had become.
That is why I was delighted with her self revelation in the last two paragraphs.

Of course I don't really want poor Catherine to be supplanted, but now at last Margret may have a chance of attracting a man of Henry's discernment and integrity.
ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 3 . 2/10/2013
Do you mean MR Tilney's visit in the last line? You wrote Mr Witkin's visit.

Ellen sounds like a useful acquaintance, especially as she has an elder brother...
ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 2 . 2/10/2013
"She had greatly miscalculated her standing with Mr. Tilney; after her long ten-minute conversation between herself, Miss Eleanor, and Mr. Henry the night before, she had been sure that some wondrous and mystical connection had been established."

This is funny in the sense that I can relate to it. one person thinks it is the most significant meeting ever to happen to them, but to another it was barely worth remembering.

I noticed that you have been using 24 hour clock. This seems a bit strange to me. In regency days they did not have digital so their time pieces would have been analogue and therefore a twelve hour clock with am and pm.

I like this little detail of her shallow attention to 'fashion' and how it backfired on her because the rooms were too crowded to see the object of her desire:

"To avoid the punctuality that others might consider unfashionable, she demanded that they extend the carriage ride by taking the long way to the lower rooms; she succeeded in arriving fifteen minutes past the time she was expected and, in doing so, preserved her family's reputation for being fashionable."
ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 1 . 2/10/2013
This is an interesting story spinoff, I look forward to see how this develops. I do think it was rather rude of Mr Witkins to leave the introduction of Eleanor to Henry though when she was sitting right beside him.
worrybug chapter 5 . 6/12/2011
I really enjoyed this! Will there be another chapter? Please say there is! :)
Peregrine2 chapter 5 . 4/26/2008
I rarely read fan fiction and generally don't leave feedback, but your story merited it.

NA fanfic is a rarity, and well-written fanfic that takes on the Regency prose is even less common.

Margaret is a spoiled young woman and I don't much like her, but with that said, I can empathize with her. I would be swooning over Henry too. And providing us with an outsider's perspective of Catherine and Henry is truly unique.

Your story is a gem and I look forward to the next installment.
Caroline Matheson chapter 5 . 4/4/2008
"William Witkens, the wretched fool!" wow I was really laughing out loud at that whole thing! So funny. Then it transitions into the classic teenage girl thing (we females have all been this ridiculous before, no matter how much we deny it ;]) "He looked at me, I looked away; I looked at him, he looked away- AH! It's love!" Classic. Classic!

As to the "Enthusiasm" part, I do understand it now. Her character isn't as "enthusiastic" in the first couple chapters, just dreaming of what could be. But when she has her little moment of delusion, she transforms into this romantic, fluff-headed creature that's absolutely enchanting! I thought it was great.

And I'm so relieved to hear that my corrections were appreciated- I give them because that's what I would want, but not everyone feels the same way as me. I have to read my stories five times each before I catch just MOST of the mistakes! Oh well. Good job writing quickly, though- I'm not very good at that yet :)
Sarahbarr17 chapter 5 . 4/4/2008
Ah, the moment of revelation! At least Margaret has taken a step on the path to maturity and self-knowledge. I feel for her.

I suspect that Henry is guarding himself against any suspicion of harbouring a partiality towards Margaret by his cold behaviour.

Hugs,

Sarah x
jakeline chapter 5 . 4/3/2008
Indeed, a very good chapter! :) But what's with Henry? Not giving her the time of day. Bah! Silly boy. ;)

/jakeline
Caroline Matheson chapter 1 . 4/2/2008
Another thing (I know, I won't shut up, but I always have something to say and that's never going to change):

Why the change of title? I know "Enthusiasm" is the name of the new Jane Austen novel for teens, and it is named that because of the enthusiasm (obviously...) of one of the main characters. Where is the enthusiasm here? Is the point that Margaret is a "Tilney-enthusiast"? (I know I am ]) Please make it more evident to readers how the title relates to the story
Caroline Matheson chapter 4 . 4/2/2008
I love your story, so because I care for it, I wanted to do some editing for you:

"It saddened Lady thyme that Margaret did not see William’s attentions"

-should be "Lady Thyme"

"Mr. Tilney cordially bowed. 'Miss. Thyme.' "

and " 'I did not know you were acquainted with Miss. Thyme,' said Ellen."

-should be "Miss Thyme", no period following "Miss"

And, just so you know, I believe you are referring to "Mysteries of UDOLPHO", not "Udalfo".

*

(This is only for your personal preference, but I would change it:

"she was "Hello-d" and "Good Evening-ed" by everyone that she saw"

-change to " 'hello'-ed and 'good evening'-ed", simply because "-ed" is not part of what you are quoting)

Can't wait for the next chapter! Thanks so much for posting. And in response to your little "prologue", never doubt the wild loyalty of NA fans. Keep it up! I'm working on one myself, actually :)
Sarahbarr17 chapter 4 . 3/27/2008
A great chapter - loved it!

However, I think that Margaret is being just a little harsh on . Udolpho isn't bad really - I've read it. I liked it except the heroine (Emily)is a bit semtimental and overly pious and priggish. She's also very judgemental towards sweet Valancourt.

Happy writing! Keep up the good work!

Hugs,

Sarah x
jakeline chapter 4 . 3/27/2008
Another great chapter! ;) One thing though, it's Udolfo (or Udolpho), not Udalfo...

/jakeline
Caroline Matheson chapter 3 . 3/15/2008
Very well-written, I really found it quite addicting! I waited very impatiently for my computer to load chapter 2 :)

[Only because this was published recently and you're eager for grammar etc. correction, I wanted to point out to you in the following sentence: "Henry, being the smartest man in the world, would be sensible of this and couldn’t possibly prefer any girl to Margaret." You should change your use of sensible. I know that you mean he had sense, but many phrases you use in these chapters are very Jane Austen-y and her use of the word "sensible" means emotional and slightly impulsive. I know that this was not at all your intention, so just thought I'd point it out :) ]
Raine Ishida chapter 3 . 3/4/2008
My dear, I must admit that I'm not a fan of this style of writing, nor of the subject, but seeing as you asked for constructive criticism, THAT I can give you.
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