|Reviews for A Warrior at Heart|
| AnimeHimeko chapter 1 . 12/7/2015
I just discovered your story as I've started on a renewed Ranma 1/2 kick, thanks to the new re-master release. I realize it's been a good five years, but I really hope you'll continue it!
I'm so glad to find some kindred spirits in Ryoga appreciation! He's such a sweet guy, and is far too readily abused by the show and manga.
Now, for some comments on your story:
1) My one "complaint": I'm not thrilled with Ryoga's somewhat violent reaction to Kodachi and Shampoo. True, he was defending Akane... but personally, I just can't be comfortable with that. Plus, it doesn't seem in his nature to go that far. He does attack Ranma, Mousse and Happosai, but I can't recall him ever using violence (deliberately) against a woman.
2) I don't generally like fics that are very different in tone from the original. In particular, zany comedies that get turned uncharacteristically deep or emotional tends to not work so well. HOWEVER, with that said, I do think this story of yours works very well. You explore the characters wonderfully, and the story lines are interesting and engaging. I've really been enjoying these chapters.
3) Other positive aspects:
- I think your idea with Dr. Tofu's treatment for Ryoga was terrific. And as you say, having him developing a better sense of direction is equally helpful to your story as his lack of direction is for the original. You did well working that in, so I think it turned out great.
- Even more so, props for looking up Ryoga's theorized diagnosis on the Wikia. Sadly, not so many authors do so much careful background prep-work.
- It's really fun to see the story following so closely, yet also differently, to the original. I think it's great to see, as you say in the description, how the knowledge of Ryoga/P-chan "would affect their relationship."
- The exploration into Ryoga's family is great! I've always wondered how he was so well-versed in Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics, and I think your backstory was a terrific explanation.
- I like your depiction of Shampoo. I find her rather irritating bordering on obnoxious in the original, and the depth you give her here is more interesting.
I know it's been a while since you've worked on this... but I've got my fingers crossed that you'll continue it! I've been enjoying it.
| Apocalypse owner chapter 13 . 8/2/2014
Type your review for this chapter here...
| tuatara chapter 13 . 1/2/2012
I do wish this would be continued, as there is a distinct lack of convincing Akane/Ryoga pairings. However, I get why the story might have lost its appeal. Series retellings can become rather tedious, no question. But it did offer the chance to delve into Ryoga, Kodachi, and Shampoo as characters, so that was nice. Not so much with Ranma...which was fine, since he's not as important here.
However, it also really didn't actually do much with Akane as a person. Even during the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics arc, it still mostly focused on what she was doing rather than who she was. So it's unfortunate that there weren't any particular insights into her character, but I assume that would have changed as the story progressed. Or maybe not, as it appeared that there would have continued to be a fairly regular stream of new characters on which to focus. (Even Kaori, surprisingly.)
Despite that, I quite liked the story and wish that it might be resumed at some point. But if not, that's perfectly understandable. Either way, thanks for sharing.
| lUnA-FloRerE chapter 13 . 12/23/2011
nice story but i would like if you could make more ryoga x akane moments! i really love that couple and i find ryoga adorable, in both human form and 'P-Chan' form! Ranmas can be a real jerk and i definitely like ryoga most times compared to ranmas jerkdom hehe. But anyway keep up the good work and i hope there are more akane x ryoga moments and ranma getting in with a bit of jealousy xD :)
| petites sorcieres chapter 13 . 4/11/2011
I always thought that Ryoga liking Akane was a nice developpement in the story I'm glad to fin a fanfiction, and so well written!, where both of them like the others You managed to remain pretty much in character, though Ranma isn't half jealous he was in the manga I really like all those Ryoga/Akane moments please continue :DDD
"The Eye of the Empress really is a horrible power," ...Lol. That's called LOVE XD
| marc chapter 9 . 3/22/2011
excellent chapter. Great fight. Keep up the good work!
| marc chapter 2 . 3/21/2011
excellent story, please update sometime soon.
| l-101 chapter 13 . 10/11/2010
While I like fanfictions developing better themes or characters of Ranma, I don’t understand the critics of many reviewers against the manga, that was the original story of Takahashi. If you don’t like I why you read fanfictions about it ?
Ranma 1/2 is a slapstick comedy not a drama, the things don’t work like in the real world, things have a different impact: the characters is normal an often they lack logic because Takahashi exaggerated their personalities for laughing about the flaws of normal people. Nabiki is evil, but she is evil in a mischievous way. There aren’t character that I dislike really.
There aren’t loves at first sight, almost every characters fall in love suddenly, also Ranma and Akane are in love since the end of first volume. Rumiko Takahashi simply rushed things , she decided use a different tone from Maison Hikkoku, there she handled the reationships differently, but also there Kyoko and Godai often fight. The others (Ryoga, Shampoo, Ukyo, Mousse…) idealized their love interests or ignored their flaws, you can quarrel with your family but you still love them. If you found irritant the main funny parts how you enjoyed the manga ?
I don’t mean flame your story, I like it. I don’t mind fanon pairings and I’m a big fan of Ryoga but I like also Ranma.
Shampoo has great skills but the author just shows them when she need it, there are few real fights between the female cast. I think Ranma and Ryoga avoid fight girls for chivalry, when Ryoga meets Ukyo, Akane says him that Ukyo is a girl because she is sure Ryoga’d have stopped his attack.
There are hundred of fanfics bashing the whole NWC, you have the right to do it with Ranma. I hope many readers understand that bashing characters is pointless.
| count-zechs00 chapter 13 . 8/3/2010
Its interesting how with Shampoo interacting more with the ranma cast, she's toned down her craziness a bit (just a bit) You're really helping to further develop her personality. It seems like you're doing that with most of the cast, in fact. Kudos for that. Hmm, Ryoga the high school student, seen it done in several fics. Usually turns out pretty good, especially when Hinako get there. Oh my, Shampoo's fear and awe of Kasumi is definitely amusing. Of course, this being Ranma, she could be pretty close to the truth. I wouldn't be surprised. Takeout Delivery chaos ahead. I can't help but wonder how Ryoga's gonna get dragged into this.
| count-zechs00 chapter 12 . 8/3/2010
'There was something about having an assassin nearby that made a guy nervous.' I love that line. That part about the differences in Amazon law and japanese law makes a good deal of sense. Poor, poor Ranma. It will only get worse. Perhaps there's a universal law like Murphy's only it applies to Ranma instead?
| Higurashi-Uchiha Kagome chapter 13 . 7/7/2010
Oh FINALLY, someone who actually likes Ryoga! Ugh, everyone thinks he's a bumbling fool... But he's a sweet guy who gets hurt and humiliated 24/7! I really like this story because it makes him a deeper character than what others portray him as, and it gives him a chance to be explored as a person. Please continue, and update soon!
| storyreaderlovespie chapter 13 . 6/14/2010
great chapter, keep up the good work1!
| Ganheim chapter 13 . 5/25/2010
Chapter 13: Preparations Begin
Soun oversaw the dojo, and would begin teaching just as soon as they found new students to train there,
[Is this referring to the anime episode when one student comes and everybody says that it’s the first since his emotional breakdown? Or to manga mentions that he’s never had a student in years? Either way, he hasn’t really been active in running the dojo, and the damage to its reputation is probably irreparable (with Ranma’s reputation as a chaos magnet not helping)]
Nabiki kept a watch on their finances,
[Issue: the anime is slightly ambiguous with only one mention from Ranma that Nabiki doesn’t help out, but the manga explicitly states that Nabiki never contributes to family finances]
And she wouldn't have it any other way.
[With the “and”s prior, I wouldn’t start this sentence with one. It works without]
A puzzled squeak escaped the lavender-haired 's lips at this.
[I hope there was a word (like ‘girl’) missing, because hair should not have lips]
"Other engagements not matter.
[I’d think that there would be a clause for other cases, or an amazon might find him/herself trying to assassinate a prince(es)/concubine to free up a marriage prospect, and that could cause serious issues with powerful people. Granted, they might not apply to this case with Ranma not having ties to the politically/militarily prestigious]
And while she never
[That’s a lot of “And while”s in one paragraph]
"If Shampoo is defeated at ten years,
[Actually, I’m pretty sure Shampoo and the others are at least 16, more likely 17 if they’re not first-years in High School]
"It must be difficult for you, watching them when you don't know what to do."
[Not sure who to get attached to…This is a good sentiment, but there’s one thing that’s missing that I think should’ve been at least alluded to by now if not shown some direct exploration of: Shampoo trying to “test the waters” and learn who her prospective husband is with each boy]
Besides, those days are over, so don't even -!"
[Getting better, not completely over. Granted, they’re arguing, so Ryouga can’t be counted on to give objective, accurate information. I just think this is something to keep in mind for the later story: Ryouga’s lost sense is part of his character, and while I know there’s work on reducing it, fully getting rid of it is something that should only follow a long, arduous process. Such a process has not taken place in this story]
while Ryoga gasped aloud before murmuring shamefully,
[All she did was verbally rebuke him, even if Ryouga’s getting a handle on his temper he’s just been caught in an emotionally charged argument with Ranma. He should NOT be able to just drop it that easily. Even if he would back off, he should NOT express action like this, it’s too exaggerated and almost ridiculous (in the sense of it weakens your story, not being funny)]
He's not enrolled in our school or nothing,
[That does bring up another point: legally, I’m pretty sure that Japanese youth up through the NWC’s average age has to attend school (it’s at some point late in High School that they can choose to opt out, but given the respect afforded to education it’s virtually never taken). If he’s not actively attending Furinkan, he’s probably working with another school through correspondence. Does he spend some portion of his day doing work on that?]
"I would like to be able to get through at least one day without any craziness
[Nerima denies you]
Ryoga looked perplexedly at the
[at _her_? There’s a word of some sort missing]
Realizing Akane's , Ryoga smiled
ask Dr. Tofu is Shampoo could
"But I'm not late! I was just talking to someone right here!"
[Akane was one of Nerima’s premier martial artists. She doesn’t routinely roof-hop, but she’s still capable of jumping a puny gate like that at Furinkan]
"Really?" Akane gaped. "Oh, Ryoga, could you?"
[She could get herself, too. I know this story makes clear an eventual Akane-Ryouga, but they’re going mushy around each other just a little too easily. Akane might not snap lividly at him for demeaning her capability as a martial artist as she might to Ranma, but there’s still going to be that element there]
Going to school would almost certainly take away from that.
[It would make his practice wane, but he’d gain more self-control and be less out-of-depth in general society. His departure has to have injured his sense of self at least subtly, I think that rejoining society would also be extremely tantalizing – even if it meant separation from Akane]
I could put it even more
the picture of the who had
but I haven't gotten this lost in over a month!"
[He must not have been going out very often]
"Of course! This is a sign!
[I see him standing underneath a “pedestrian crossing” marker while shouting this]
his office is almost always empty when I drop by."
[Wouldn’t that mean he’s not there and therefore unavailable for conversation? For that matter, how is his “issue” with Kasumi going to handle her being there to try to help Shampoo? Unless that completely ruins it]
And while the code
either one of them would certainly inject strong into her tribe.
Not here in Japan…not after all these hundreds of years!
[If this is the beginning of some great prophecy or ancient heritage of amazon martial culture, I’m going to stop reading this story. Even Shampoo didn’t plot the idea well, and I don’t think it can be done]
Great-grandmother told me it was just a legend!
[What, love-struck idiocy?]
Of all the Chinese empresses, Xi-tai-hou was the least tolerant of anything male, and deemed them nothing more than puppets to be used and disposed of when she saw fit.
[But Kasumi only has this negative effect on Tofu, and is courteous to all other male members. Unless she either despises or is absurdly in love with him, I don’t see why she’d end up using such a technique even incidentally, and the issue there is that she never expresses strong feelings for or against anybody – I can’t remember if Herb or Saffron’s cronies were specifically there, but I don’t think she even expressed strong emotion in those arcs]
She had developed many methods of manipulating and tormenting them, such as the woman-repelling herb Nyokenko.
[Wouldn’t that torment _her_? Unless it was supposed to repel men]
had been born a , and
looking completely as she asked
[completely what? Terrified?]
It has to be the Eye of the Empress!
[It’s made old women run, too. It’s the maddened doctor they’re afraid of, not Kasumi specifically. She’s just an indicator of his soon-to-come madness]
would we need outside ?
[need outside what?]
Perfect for setting up a few restaurants!"
[I’m pretty sure that most of Tokyo would be ‘hostile’ if not crowded out in terms of restaurant coverage, including the Nerima district, but either way this is an unexpected development. Significantly earlier than in canon, but now I wonder if Cologne will arrive to set up the Cat Café faster than this guy, or if they’re going to take that position (though trying to reasonably establish a character who’s inevitably going to be departing seems like a lot of unnecessary work)]
you could renege on deal
And you'd think that she would know at least a few super powerful fighting techniques of her own. But the only trick she demonstrates
[That’s the issue with canon: it’s not _showing_ any of her special tricks, though in the manga Shampoo does appear in an alley behind the Nekohanten, training with Cologne]
Still fun, but I’m concerned that some of the relationships and characters are a little forced. I don’t have a problem with Akane-Ryouga in and of itself, just rushed/forced relationships (though for the latter I’d count canon Ranma-Akane as that). Anyway, I feel like there’s too much of an easy time between them – things felt a little too sedate with the rest of the cast, but that’s obviously shaping up to change with the Daikoku clan coming in, so I think that part is fine for now, though something to keep in mind in the future (remember that Akane IS a “tsundere”, her difficulty expressing affection is not restricted to Ranma, it’s to anybody she likes in general; sometimes it even manifests against her own father, family, and friends). One other issue is that, with Akane getting closer to Ryouga and thereby having a peaceful outlet, she should be able to deal much more reasonably with Ranma. I just didn’t see any real usage of this idea – I’m not sure if it has to be done, but some of the conflict there could be used to step up tension between the characters. There’s already a love-web in canon Ranma, with some trimming I don’t see anything wrong with complicating/modifying it further.
Shampoo’s reasonably off-centered, though I didn’t like the direction implied from her overseeing Kasumi and Tofu – unless he becomes a more important character and that turns out to be a big misunderstanding. Granted, a lot of that is the poor utilization of this possible idea done in Shampoo , and subsequent failure to actually follow-through. Here, the same problems exist: the main story and a healthy number of subplots already exist and have not been wrapped up. Trying to throw that in could overcomplicate or muddle things. I do hope you keep writing, though, it's quite interesting.
| Majin Hentai X chapter 13 . 5/16/2010
This is good I mean really good. The rivalry between Ranma and Ryoga is real now, like it was at the beginning before Rumiko made Ryoga into a side show.
Yeah Shampoo's berserkerism that's because Takahashi hates other women, that's why she character assassinated Shampoo in the final arc, and cut Ukyo out of the last three arcs of the manga.
She turned Ryoga and Mousse from serious enemies who challenged Ranma into caricatures of themselves running off cheap gimmicks, until the last three arcs when their power was returned to them.
Thanks for skipping the golden pair they're retarded.
| Majin Hentai X chapter 4 . 5/16/2010
You know that the entire Ranma section of wikipedia has been stripped the vague basics.
I like this I've always been a Ryoga fan. And your Akane is good doesn't seem like the monster she is in cannon.