|Reviews for Feral|
| LordEphidel chapter 4 . 6/18/2012
I do like your precise diction, as it adds much to the already dramatic situation, further aided by your overall sentence fluency.
You do have a few typos in this chapter, and if memory serves, all two of them involve forgetting to place a space after a comma. Another minor but ultimately irrelevant point that I would like to raise is that the feral one potion is in fact not poisonous to humans, as in Radiant Dawn, it is revealed that Bertram of the Four Riders of Daein is in fact Duke Renning after being forced to consume said concoction. But I believe that you wrote his before Radiant Dawn, so I certainly understand how such an error arose.
One stylistic preference that I find distracting at times is the somewhat inconsistent point of view. The narrator clearly has some form of limited omniscience, but oftentimes it veers away from the minds of the current character of interest to include thoughts of those nearby. Such a point of view is certainly reasonable in some situations, but it is generally extraordinarily difficult to implement to its potential, particularly in a suspense piece in my opinion.
But all of this might just be me digressing back into the withered old english professor that I never was, attacking a thousand obscure points that nobody else notices or cares about. Regardless of whether or not this is the case, I am vastly entertained by this piece. Well done.
| LordEphidel chapter 2 . 6/15/2012
I came to hunt down your stories after reading some of the insightful things you posted on the forums here, and this certainly did not disappoint. I do rather enjoy peering into Lethe's thoughts as I read, and this is overall quite well done. That being said, I refuse to leave a review without some sort of criticism in it, because there is always something to critique, even for the best of work.
There was a minor continuity error when the Overseer speaks to Lethe, where it is stated that "He smiled at her, but it was oily and disgusting as his smell." Earlier on, however, you state that "The second man did not smell quite so disgusting."
I also felt that Zihark's death could have been made more dramatic, assuming that it is a major motivation for Lethe to exact revenge on them. I cannot yet tell if that is the case, considering how she just went insane, so perhaps this point is moot.
My final comment at this point is that the Overseer thus far seems exactly like Izuka, save for the fact that you clearly state that he is not. I do not know if we see some differentiation in later chapters, but perhaps you could describe him more here, particularly in the ways that he does not resemble Izuka.
I am quite enjoying this piece, and will be sure to read and review the rest of it when I am able.
| sychopenguin5 chapter 10 . 8/20/2011
Oh, substance review time...
Your descriptiveness is above what I expect from fanfiction, as is the serious and intelligent plot.
I like how you portrayed Rolf as both a child and a soldier, as he should be. (He is one of my favorites, I just LOVE when people do him right!)
I think you could have tried to show a more complex dynamic between Ike and Soren; sure, I agree not to make Soren all lovey-dovey like in many Ike/Soren fics, and in canon he really is an ass sometimes, but I also agree with the theory that he softens up at least a teeny bit when he's with Ike. In this fic it almost seems like Soren is going out of his way to be mean to Ike like he does to everybody else, so that's something I think could have been done better-especially with how well you wove complex relationships for the other characters.
And I also really enjoy the quotes at the beginning of your chapters. It's amazing how insightful they are and still relate to the chapter at hand.
| Ether-Cloud chapter 5 . 4/14/2011
I'm aware that this story is very old, but I was browsing through a friend's favorites and this one caught my eye first above the others. The first chapter is very good and entices the reader to continue on out of sheer curiosity. The way that you wrote everything is simple, but vivid enough to paint a clear picture on what is happening.
About the characters: I love the laguz race of Tellius so much. Granted, a lot of things about this one Fire Emblem world is very endearing to me, but it is them specifically that catches my attention most. Lethe is very much in character and you build her up so well-in what we learn about her and even when she is under the influence of the Feral Potion.
How you've written Ike and Soren: Spot on. I love the little quirks that you have them both do, as it's something I, myself, imagine them behaving. I also share your sentiment on how other people treat Soren as a character. He is a brilliant, calculating and cold minded person in Path of Radiance. This is what also makes him appealing to me; he is intellectual, and has the, albeit very rare, moments where he's more relaxed, I guess you could say.
Excellent story so far.
| RainKrystal chapter 10 . 2/21/2011
Amazing premise is amazing. And you executed it so well!
| Bottle8 chapter 2 . 1/31/2011
I don't like to read most Lethe fanfics all the way through because they change her character dramatically and genrally make her, well, unlethe-like. (as do most fire emblem fanfics TT)I must admit of all the fanfics i've read (not just lethe fanfics but fanfics in general) so far this one is my favorite, you portray Lethe and the others perfectly. your plot is amazing, call me weird but I enjoy a story when:
A. there is somekind of apprehension/incident with one of the original characters
B. when the story does not constantly follow the rescuer/problem solver.
your story has a perfect balance of both and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work! :)
| barefootbean chapter 10 . 12/27/2010
Amazing. This story was amazingly well-written, great plot, and a very interesting read!
I have been dying to read about this (the feral ones) and I think you delivered it absolutely perfectly! Everybody was in character (thankyou for keeping Soren original, he's so awesome that way :D) and every little feeling, detail, was great.
You spread the story/plot line out nicely and kept it interesting. There wasn't a single thing I found dislikable in this story.
Congratulations with this fiction, you deserve a reward! I'm now gonna check out your other works, considering how exceptional this one was! Truly, truly, great.
| Irish-Brigid chapter 8 . 9/30/2010
"or even communicate with people." That's gotta hit pretty close to home for Soren. Poor guy.
Really liking the characterization here. I rather hope you write some more FE9&10 fanfics.
| Irish-Brigid chapter 5 . 9/30/2010
I really appreciate the depiction of Ike and Soren's friendship that you have here. I have no idea why people have this obsession with Ike and Soren as a couple. They seem more like brothers to me.
The story flows quite well, though I have noticed quite a few typos in these chapters. Honestly, that's all I can find really wrong with this piece, the typos and occasional grammar mistakes.
| Irish-Brigid chapter 3 . 9/30/2010
Ye huss. 0.0 Have you played Final Fantasy VII? Because that Overseer guy sounds an awful lot like Hojo. I definitely think they'd like each other. Which is creepy.
And poor Lethe! I like her! T.T
| doodger chapter 10 . 8/19/2010
Wow... Its two in the morning and i'm sad the story is work!
| Sergeant Daniel chapter 10 . 5/13/2010
This was so good. I just love the shipping of IkeXLethe. Anyway keep up the good work.
| Sasori191 chapter 4 . 5/10/2010
i like the story so far but thats not why im reviwing. its about your author notes. i agree with you on the soren looking like itachi and that made me laugh! also, i also play as ike in super smash bros brawl and am actually pretty good with him. he is slow but you can use that to your advatage if you are trying to get to an item before someone by hitting them while they just get ahead of you. surprise attack baby! XD lol, anyways, great story so far. i look forward to others by you and im goona keep reading this one till im done.
| Darkamber8828 chapter 6 . 12/10/2009
I liked how there was FINALLY some action! It was very well written action, the right length and about the proper amount of detail, and it seems that you as the author know what you're talking about.
...I'm trying REALLY hard to think of something to tell you off on, but I can't...
I think you could have made descriptions of people (OCs) more detailed. But only a little, like I said, this is amazing.
| Darkamber8828 chapter 4 . 12/10/2009
Soren looks too short to be Itachi. But they're both pwnage.
And you can get Smash Balls with aerial-forward and aerial-back, as well as side attack.
Anyway, this is starting to get a little sad. Rescue Lethe soon!