|Reviews for Ginny Weasley and the World That Could Have Been|
| The Gandhara chapter 2 . 7/14/2009
Is there any chance of this fic continuing or have you given up on it?
| DukeBrymin chapter 2 . 7/28/2008
Great start to the story! I really like the setup you've given us, and am dying to see what happens next!
Thanks for breaking the mold of making Harry go back to "do things right".
| starboy454 chapter 2 . 7/4/2008
| happy-rea chapter 2 . 5/21/2008
yey. i love this story. think the way things go work really well and i'd like to see how harry has become having not lived with the Dursleys
| Worldmaker chapter 2 . 3/7/2008
Your writing style is disjointed and you have a hard time maintaining a coherent through-throught. And some of what you've written here is just densely confusing.
| etj4Eagle chapter 2 . 3/2/2008
An interesting start to your story. Having Ginny be the survivor who goes to another world or back in time seems to be a rarely used plot device, but one that I think has lots of potential. In many ways I see her being better suited for doing it all over again in an attempt to wring the victory that she wants out of it.
I have quite enjoyed these first two chapters and I can't wait for the next one. I hope that this doesn't go the way that many Ginny rewrites go with the story being abandoned, especially after such a promising start. I am also looking forward to see more of this new Ginny come out and I like how you have her retaining the instincts of the Ginny that you replaced; though, I hope we see some magical prowesses from the original timeline show up soon. I imagine that this new Ginny will be quite something given the combination of street smarts and being harden in magical warfare.
I take it from that bit in the final scene that the Weaselys are not in fact dead. I am guessing something must have happened to result in Ginny being separated from them so it will be interesting to find out what caused the old Ginny to grow up on the streets.
Keep up the good work. I am eagerly looking forward to reading more.
| albernes Maedchen chapter 2 . 2/29/2008
Well Odin, or Wodin, missed so many freaking mistakes, it is just not even funny. I fixed some of them, but I got tired, so I gave up. Okay, I might have done more than some, but whatever. There are more because I saw them. Just to let you know. It might be a little difficult to understand because I had everything in bold and underline, but it did not transfer over here, so have fun!
As he began to force her down the road, she twisted around in his grasp and dug her nails across his cheek hard enough to draw blood. “Hope it leaves a scare,” Ginny thought without an ounce of guilt. Bloodbane howled in fury and pain, before viciously twisting her hands behind her back in a painfully tight grip which caused a grunt of pain to escape her. She didn’t care if the rest of the gang came running, anything would be better then this so she opened her mouth and screamed. He clamped his hand over her mouth effectively silencing her.
Should be “scar”.
With a yell of triumph she stumbled back and fell as the pipe ripped the drain from the wall. All was silent below, she didn’t wait around to see if he was still alive or if he was currently in the process of trying to find another way up to her, instead she shuddered as she remembered the last girl who had trued to escape the gang, but had been unsuccessful. No she really didn’t want to wait around and see instead she went to the edge of the building and jumped the short gap in between them to the next and then the next one after that.
Should be “tried”.
She walked out of her alley and hunched down and peered around cautiously. She jerked herself back against the wall as three ragged and dangerous looking thugs passed by, conspiring in low voices, one laughed as then they passed out of hearing distance. “the Razors”, the voice whispered in disgust and fear, the rest came to her mind as if the information had always been there, they were the gang that controlled these parts, fierce, unforgiving, and they controlled everything like the police could be found controlling the richer parts of London only the Razors went further, taking what they wanted, anything they wanted, women, food, buildings. No one in their right mind, wanted to take the chances of crossing the Razors, so when they passed out of sight she scurried in the other direction, passing from shadow to shadow, stopping and ducking out of sight as people passed by, then taking off again, heading through the alleys and side streets of the dodgier parts of London with a wary confidence that she didn’t know she possessed.
Should be “mind wanted”.
She let the old Ginny’s instincts take over. She stepped out of her corner and began prowling the street like a hawk on the hunt for its prey. She passed out one street to another, this one bigger, busier, yet still in the bad part of town, still hers. Her eyes scanned from person to person, taking in clothes, possessions, and how and where they were moving, how wealthy they were, who the easiest people to steal from were, and who wouldn’t be worth the trouble.
Should be “from”, maybe.
Finally she saw what she was waiting for, there was a man, a black haired man, who looked a little better off then everyone else around these parts, at least his clothes looked of better quality then the people in the slums usually possessed. He was currently going through his pockets on the far side of the street, looking for a wallet or maybe a phone, she watched as he looked around suspiciously and then putdown the brown bag that he had been holding. Her eyes immediately homed in on the bag as he went back to searching for whatever he had misplaced.
Should be “for. There”, “parts. At least”, “street looking for a wallet, or maybe a phone. She”, “put down”.
As the voice advised her, she fell in behind the harried looking women and her children. As they came to the man, the eldest boy of the three pushed the younger girl, who fell into the younger boy who plowed into the man from behind sending him staggering into the nearest wall. Then as Ginny continued on her forward course the girl burst into load desperate tears, howling at the sky. The man straightened himself, his black hair falling in front of his face; he stared at the girl for a moment and then turned darkly to the mother, “Shut the brat up.”
Should be “he stared at the girl for a moment, turned darkly to the mother, and said, 'Shut the brat up.'”.
As the adults were having a yelling contest and taking their frustrations out on each other, the two elder boys were having a fight of their own. The girl abruptly stopped crying in favor of watching her siblings fight. To her delight the younger boy threw himself at the older boy, they fell to the ground with a thud and then the older boy punched his brother in the jaw, things quickly escalated out of control, leaving both boys rolling around on the ground punching, kicking, and screaming at each other.
Should be “the boys” (it sounds as though you are saying there are more than two brothers), “delight, the”, “boy; they”, “jaw. Things”.
As she came to the group, she kept her eyes focused on the man and women who by this time were both deep in a shouting match and allowed herself to trip over the boys who were still rolling on the ground, each trying to get and keep the upper hand.
Should be “woman who, by”.
She landed on the ground with her hand a foot from the bag and then she pushed off the ground and got to her feet, taking the brown bag along with her, with one last withering glare at the boys who were still rolling around on the ground beating each other up, which they didn’t notice, she continued strolling down the street, the brown bag tucked securely under her arm, each step taking her further away from the man who had formerly owned the bag.
Should be “bag, and she” (you have too many “and then”'s), “her. With”.
With her blood pounding through her veins she continued walking down the road as innocently as possible, casually allowing the flow of the traffic to carry her further away from the fighting group and further away from trouble. To her amusement she could still hear the man shrieking like a girl in the background. She was tempted to go back to watch the rest of the show, but that would be risky and foolish, as much as she enjoyed courting with danger, there was a difference between taking calculated risks that were necessary, and stupid risks that were bound to fail. She did not take stupid risks, at least not often, so instead of stopping for the rest of the show she kept walking letting herself be caught up in the flow of the people around her, at the first opportunity she ducked out of the crowd and found herself crouched in a darkened doorway off the main road.
Should be “veins, she”, “amusement, she”, “foolish, and as much”, “necessary and”, “show, she”, “her. At”, “opportunity, she”.
It was as she was opening the brown bag that she really realized what she had just done. She had stolen something for the first time in her long life and she wished she felt just a tad bit guiltier about the action. She did feel guilty but it wasn’t because of the stealing, it was her total lack of guilt that got her feeling just a little sorry, but she was too hungry to really care all that much, either way. What really caught her attention though was not that she had stolen from a man; it was that she had been good at it.
Should be “life, and”, “more guilty” (guiltier is a word, but it sounds awkward), “guilty, but”, “stealing; it”, “much either”.
For the first time since she had woken up in her new body she wished she had more memories of the previous Ginny’s life. So far she had that one with Bloodbane, she also had the previous Ginny’s instincts that had thankfully been melded with her own, thus allowing her to get something to eat, and she couldn’t forget that voice that had instructed her during her escapade, that she was almost a hundred percent sure was the old Ginny’s personality.
Should be “body, she”, “Bloodbane. She”, “escapade, the one she” (very awkward sentence, might consider breaking it down into smaller sentences).
| GinnyLover14 chapter 2 . 2/29/2008
Very interesting! You dont see a street!Ginny very often. I like it :)
| Isebella chapter 2 . 2/29/2008
How will Ginny get the money from the bank if she doesn't have a key?
| dolphingirl79 chapter 2 . 2/29/2008
wow an intresting start to the story. keep up the good work!
| Ruk13 chapter 1 . 2/29/2008
I love it! Your descriptions are so very detailed and wonderful. I feel as if I'm in the world myself. I also like that you have Ginny as the main character instead of Harry. Harry gets boring after awhile. You've got me in suspense! I can't wait to read what happens! Keep writing!
| NewLineSuicide chapter 1 . 2/25/2008
Good start. Keep going.
| Sirius Silver chapter 1 . 2/23/2008
wicked so far.
| nameless chapter 1 . 2/22/2008
a good start. looking forward to see where it goes
| Comet Moon chapter 1 . 2/22/2008
But my question is what happens to the Soul of HER Harry?
And the soul of the Ginny that left?
Hopefully you'll give us that info.
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