|Reviews for Army Men: Plastic Soldiers Please Review!|
| MountainLord-92 chapter 2 . 5/3/2011
this is much less child friendly interpretation than i was expecting, which does you a favour. you are showing the gritty harsh realities of war as opposed to the happy clappy, honour and heroic side that the games show (if you see what i mean).
just a few observations:
1) Sergeants are NCOs and captains and lieutenants are COs. making both Myan and Baxt higher ranking than Gurdeaux, so Myan has every right to tell Gurdeaux what to do, and Baxt would be more experienced so wouldnt dessert like he did, and be ordering Gurdeaux around instead.
your rank structure is completely different to any i would have expected, i cant imagine any of the games follow your structure. I have no problems with you changing the ranks in this way, it may lead to some confusion later on though. Though if you did think that sergeants were higher than captains and lieutenants i suggest you do a bit more research before writing any others.
2) your description of the men being killed is very close to any human suffering the same wounds. they are made of plastic, as you are clearly aware of, so you wouldnt expect them to have the same sort of blood, skin, bones etc. i can see it working in this way, however, their blood is like liquid plastic that behaves in a similar way to human blood. but it is a good thing to make them seem more human. though when the tan soldiers were taken out by the napalm (or whatever it was) you could have shown them melt more clearly.
3) being plastic soldiers i wouldnt expect them to use metal in any of their weapons. i would have instead expected them to be made of a tougher grade of plastic. i have no problems with you interpretting them in this way, this is merely an observation
4) you paragraph structure is strange, especially involving speech. you should create a new paragraph every time a new person speaks. there are many occasions where one character finishes speaking and the next sentance is another person speaking. this is very confusing for the reader and will really annoy grammer nazis.
sometimes the speach starts and halfway through the sentence you start a new paragraph. i have no idea why you have done this, and it is very very annoying. other mistakes i can deal with but this just seems to be blind ignorance. if you dont know how to use paragraphs ask someone, we are all amatuer writers and will try to help where possible.
you should start a new paragraph whenever there is a change of speaker, a change in subject, an introduction of a new character or a change in scene.
there are also occasional sentances that do not make sense on the first read. try to proof read your work before uploading.
even if you igore observations 1, 2 and 3 i would like you to seriously look at observation 4 and sort it out.
| Clonetroopers-DarthMaul chapter 2 . 9/3/2009
this is an amazing story!
but two Flaws,
can a toy soldier bleed? unless he got melted by a FlameThrower.
can a toy soldier have organs/instestines?
other than these two Flaws,everthing else is Excellent.
| fatdude chapter 1 . 4/11/2008
this is freaking awesome!1 but its sometimes confusing (you said an lutieanet catn give an sergent orders?) or did i read that wrong to?
anywasy its REALLY GOOD