Reviews for The Abyss
Ethyrin Kairos chapter 41 . 10/18/2012
Awesomely creative!
Guest chapter 40 . 7/1/2012
Your story was really good. I loved the idea that you based it off of. The grammar issues in the beginning were so bad that I stopped reading. A week later I decided to give it another try. I have problems with grammar to so I have a friend read it and make corrections. It takes a lithe more time to edit, but it is definitely worth it. I like how Tamora's characters were incorporated in the story. My favorite part is that you created a personality for each character and stuck with it. The addition of assassin training made it unique. Keep writing and I will keep reading your work!
Guest chapter 15 . 7/1/2012
spend time editing for grammar
Guest chapter 13 . 7/1/2012
grammar is improving
Guest chapter 4 . 6/30/2012
work on grammar and separate the dialogue with "enters" because it is confusing without them
aurla0 chapter 37 . 2/13/2012
This is good.

The thing is, you know, not all her powers should be so... powerful.

I mean, she probably focused on A. Being Silent B. Speed C. Daggers

With probably some bits of magic and other weapons thrown in, just to give her a slight advantage. Even with being train for so long so harshly, they can't make her the strongest in everything.

But you don't really come back to this very much.

Well, it's a good story.
aurla0 chapter 3 . 2/13/2012
Okay... I can see why someone might mistake her for a Mary Sue..

But she's not, at least so far.

I think you mostly have to watch out for spelling and grammar... Punctuation marks and periods when the characters are talking would add a lot more emotion.

Every time someone new speaks, make it a new paragraph. It's really useful for spacing things out and making it easier to read.

Don't try and put everything in one sentence, run-on sentences really don't capture the story well.

An example of this could be:

'Alanna Lost it there she sprung from her chair sword raised to come crashing down into Tory's neck with unbelievable speed.'


'Alanna lost it. She sprung from her chair with sword raised to come crashing down on Tory's neck with unbelievable speed.'

This is pretty important in speech too, because I really don't think that you're getting the emotions out to people when you let the character babble on without even stopping for breath or putting emphasis.

I think that's it.
A Davis chapter 42 . 9/16/2011
You'll put them back up after the editing right? I love your stories and end up re-reading them once and a while. I would hate to not be able to enjoy their magnificence every so often.
xDarklightx chapter 42 . 9/16/2011
Can you leave them up for another two or three days, please? Thank You.
steamrick chapter 42 . 9/16/2011
so long as we get the stories back, I dont mind :)

editing will only make the story better.
gots2lyv chapter 4 . 9/10/2011
I read on your profile that you want more reviews so here it is. You're writing and plot is good, but i think you need to work on Jon and Thayet's characters a little bit more. They're a little OC.
Jessica chapter 40 . 6/2/2011
I really enjoyed this story. You developed your characters and their relationships well while advancing the plot in a timely fashion. Good job. However, I did notice some distracting typographical errors. Specifically, there were a couple of instances where words ran together or the phrasing was simply bad with words missing. I'm the sort of reader who becomes absorbed by a story that captures my attention, and yours certainly did. I commend you for that, but try to work on eliminating those errors. Thank you for an enjoyable read.
TheWackedOne chapter 40 . 4/4/2011
i read the last 2 chapters. so you must have improved at some point, but i really dont care to check it out.

hope you stay good!

TheWackedOne chapter 3 . 4/4/2011
you know what i hate? i hate when authors make their characters the best.

She is faster than Alanna, scares George, knows better magic techniques than Numair, and (oh yeah) has been "trained as a knight, noble, shang, spy, commoner and anything that might come in handy."

pretty much, she's undefeatable.


i quit here and know.
xXFire's.ShadowXx chapter 41 . 3/19/2011
I really liked this story. It was well written, had an interesting plot and some vey cool characters. I'll definitely be reading more of your work later on :D
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