|Reviews for Shattered|
| Evelyn Downs chapter 1 . 7/19/2013
As someone who has very little experience with this series, I may not be the most appropriate person to review this. Honestly, I wouldn't even have found this but through a review game that has, apparently, been rather dead since 2008. It doesn't seem fair that your request was never answered, so I thought I would go ahead and review you. However, you should know that the game aside, I would have reviewed this piece, anyway: it was marvelous.
Even as someone with little to no background information, the story flowed very well. I confess, it took me a long time to figure out that your pairing is two men-but even that is sort of a testament to your ability. Your narrating voice was so neutral that my automatic, ingrained prejudice took over and I pictured the speaker as a woman!
My only potential piece of advice is that you could expand a bit on other aspects of Eragon's life at the time. Don't get me wrong-the emotional content in this piece almost made me cry, and the prose was extremely elegant. But if I take a step back, it can feel a bit as though I am drowning in the melancholy bitterness of romantic aftermath. It could be nice to consider tempering that with some mundane details of this very important day in the life of Eragon.
That's about all I can say-the piece is clearly wonderful without my input, and has been published for quite a while. You may not ever even see this review-for all I know, you've long moved beyond fanfiction. My suggestions stands in case you ever feel like revamping this a bit. And should you come back to this fic, now you know that just one more person thought it was amazing!
| Rei Kiri chapter 1 . 5/23/2013
Well, first of all, I have to say I really liked this fic. It’s so full of emotions that it actually made me connect with the characters – even though I’m not familiar with this fandom and dislike first person fiction.
I do have some comments though. First of all, I noticed you tend to end a sentence, and start another with an “and”, like here for example: “I recall the laughter that had filled the room, coming not only from myself. And the hands that I loved most in the world had come to my aid eventually.” It’s grammatically incorrect and is kind of annoying to read. You can fix that very simply by erasing the dot, and I do believe it would make it much better.
Also, there was this sentence: “And it always caught me unawares.” Unawares – I assume should be unaware.
“It was his shirt, of course.” – I don’t think you should put the ‘of course’ there. It’s not that clear to the reader, and it gives kind of a mocking feel to that sentence which doesn’t settle with the character you’ve been portraying. Try maybe, ‘It was his shirt. He had left it on the morning of his departure.” I think that might work a little bit better.
In matter of styling, I do miss a little bit more descriptions – but I’m used to a very descriptive kind of writing, so maybe that’s just me. I still managed to connect with Eragon and understand his feelings; however, it was a little bit hollow because of it.
Overall, I do think it’s a good story and is well written, but as it is with pretty much everyone, there’s always room for improvement. You don’t have to take my advices, especially not about the descriptions – again, that’s just my style – but I hope that I did manage to give a constructing review that would help you improve (not that you’re not good now! But I’ve already been though that… sorry).
Ok… I think that’s it! Thanks for sharing your story :)
| LordHelen chapter 1 . 3/29/2013
This is good, though I do not know the fandom. I think it has accomplished something very few can do-make me feel for the character. This character is breaking and you describe it so perfectly. The way he hurts and cannot forget the one he loves all builds up to the second end, the second shattering. I do not usually read slash stories, but this one was worth it. Also, I think you made a really good last letter. You are an excellent writer, but my criticism is that maybe you could explain who Saphira is a bit more, and about the dragons and what a Rider is. That threw me off. Otherwise, excellent job.
| masterdisk chapter 1 . 6/30/2012
omigod, that was so sad!
but i liked it al lot! ;D
| KathrenCullen18 chapter 1 . 4/4/2012
That was sooooo sad. Poor Eragon! :'( but it was still good.
| Alexis chapter 1 . 3/27/2012
That was absolutely amazing! OMG I can't stop crying! You have an amazing gift, and I should know, as I'm a writer too. Please, don't you ever lose it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this story. It's probably one of the best stories I have ever read. AWESOME!
| Beautiful Feather chapter 1 . 5/17/2011
Another rather sad story. A sequel where Murtagh magically shows up would be nice :)
| Mary-before I became a member chapter 1 . 2/28/2010
Beautiful, positively beautiful. *soft smile* Though I like most, this is one of my most favorite stories now. Well done.
| xXxStarStrifexXx chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
That made me cry it was so good!
| Talitian chapter 1 . 3/1/2009
OMG this was so sad why. i didn't think it would be that depressing. what a weird birthday fic... I hope he finds happiness or saphira comes back so she can find them and kick ass so they are happy again. Quote from Angel Sanctuary you will never find someone who loves you as much as I do. Reminds me of this he pushed his sister away and said mean things but he loved her with his entire being and gave her up. Hopefully it will be like then too where he comes back. Well still good but I wish that he woke up in murtaghs arms or he was there when he went back it would have been a lot less sad.
| Only If You Wish It chapter 1 . 2/12/2009
I love this. It's awesome. Just great, bravo, bravo! :)
| egyptiandreamer13 chapter 1 . 1/12/2009
and again another great story. love stories are wonderful but when u can write about their sadness and heartbreak that ususally comes with love you are a great writer. good job cant wait for more from you.
also i love the little hints how this related to autumn bliss. great little in between story for a sequel i think.
| ChibiItachi-chan chapter 1 . 10/25/2008
im gonna go read the counter part to this now...
| Dianayelii chapter 1 . 7/2/2008
Oh, damn you! You have to be such a good aurthor! It brought back such a horrible memory. I'm crying, darn you. Making me cry over something so beautifully written. *pout* Why doesn't anyone write anything happy and humor-filled anymore? You ARE an incredable writer and don't ever forget it but seriouslly! Never write anything tragic ever again because people are going to cry! Like me for example. And I NEVER cry over things I read. Oh, Murtagh is such an idiot! Can't he see that by leaving Eragon, he practiclly made his life worthless and not worth living! *sigh* Okay, I'm done now. Keep writing 'cause it could really take you somewhere big one day. (Nothing tragic though, promise!)
| Kievan Rus' Supernova chapter 1 . 6/16/2008
It almost made me cry...that's a first. I loved it though. I can't wait to read the companion next. Wow. The tears won't give up. I absolutely loved it. One of the best I have yet to read.