Reviews for You Forgot
Tatsumaki-sama chapter 1 . 2/28/2008
Absolutely beautiful and at the same time, haunting piece of poetry. I especially enjoyed the repetition of the line "You forgot" and how it switches from "you", "we", "he" and finally "I". Can't never get enough of Donny angst.
princessebee chapter 1 . 2/28/2008
While I really like the themes explored in this poem, and the refrain is really quite punchy, and therefore, powerful, poetry is one of those things that I'm horrendously picky about. I don't like a lot of poetry, it's squeamishly difficult to write. When a poem is truly great, it is transcendent. When it is truly horrendous, it's like scratching out your eyes with a rusty nail. When it's just there, it's just there. At least, that's how it is FOR ME. So perhaps I read this poem with that bias.

Not my favourite of your efforts, though as I said, I really very much like the themes explored and some of the lines are quite effective:

That the price for finding yourself

Was paid mostly by me

for example.

The repeating refrain works really well. It's almost like a little drum beat punctuating the stanzas, like a breathless playground taunt, like a finger tapped against the side of your head.

One of the most important things to me in poetry, however, is to pick a structure, and dammit, stick with it. This one is pretty much all over the place. You've got rhymes in some places, not in others. The beat is up and down and all around. There's no sense of rhythmic pace in the stanzas and given that the refrain has such a good one, the rest of the poem is let down by this. Yes, your stanzas are of equal line lengths but they're not paced equally or structured the same. I know this sort of thing doesn't bother most people, it's just me and my weird, finickity poetry inclinations.

Arg. I feel bad for being so harsh, but usually I don't even bother to READ poetry on let alone review it!
GreenWillow chapter 1 . 2/27/2008
That the price for finding yourself

Was paid mostly by me...

Ouch.

Sad and angry and nicely conveyed.

Poor Don...
caylender chapter 1 . 2/27/2008
Wow, I really like this poem. It was really well written, and it flowed very well. I always wondered why Raph wasn't in charge so I like this; it makes so much sense. Great job!
Broken Staff chapter 1 . 2/27/2008
Nice to see you posting something again.

I like the idea of the switch of leadership from Raph to Don. It makes sense , and justifies Raph's attitude in the movie. not that you EVER have to justify Raph having an attitude.