|Reviews for Invisible Today, Popular Tomorrow|
| kuneko1207 chapter 1 . 5/12/2013
Please try to update as soon as possible...
| SapphicJem chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
Ha ha. That is just like me and my friend. I love it!
| himynameismyname chapter 1 . 2/1/2009
u should finish this story...
| Tsuna De Vongola Decimo chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
| ohscrewthename chapter 1 . 6/11/2008
Hm...I don't think I like it too much. I'm going to be straight forward with you and be as honest as I know how. This is by no means a flame- I don't flame people. I offer a review based on what I read, and divide each critique into three parts:
What I like: Grammar is ok- and it should be, as you have a Beta Reader. I only saw a few mistakes in your chapter, but not enough to make it overly noticeable. You also ended the chapter at a cliff hanger, that's good. It will catch people's attention.
What I don't like: OH boy, here we go... You're story, first of all, is quite common. Sakura gets a makeover and ends up looking stunning. Then she goes to a club. Want me to predict what will probably happen next? Sakura will get to the club, and there, coincidentally, Sasuke will be. He will see her and no doubt flirt with her, and Sakura will no doubt blush and stutter and be shy. You're story seems far too predictable for my liking. Also, the chapter was too short, and it lacked creative words and description. That's all for what I dislike.
What you need to do to fix this: You're story is common, so change it around. Throw in some twists! Make things unexpected; a kiss from a random person besides Sasuke. Or you could make Sakura feel all big headed because of her beauty, and then she gets rejected by Sasuke because she seems stuck up. Or maybe, she ends up getting kissed by Sasuke's drunk brother. SOMETHING original and creative. Also, you're word choice is common, use creative words! For example, I am going to re-write your description of Sakura, using bigger, more descriptive words:
"Actually, I’m all done!" Hinata reported to Sakura joyfully. Grabbing Sakura by the shoulders anxiously, Hinata steered Sakura towards the nearest mirror available, revealing her work at last. As Sakura’s eyes focused on her reflecting, she was awed by what she saw.
Her normally modest, plain plaited hair was straightened flat and had been pulled back into a loose, sexy bun. Sakura’s normally dorky square-rimmed glasses were trashed and were replaced with contacts, which Hinata had quickly taught Sakura how to put in.
Peering closer, Sakura saw that she had makeup on, but it was just enough compliment her.
Matte eye shadow, a thin rim of coal black liner, and a lash lifting mascara completed her eyes, making the sea foam green of her eyes pop. Sakura’s skin had already been virtually flawless to begin with, so Hinata saw no need to mess around with cakey foundation or powder; but instead added a pat of coral blush to Sakura’s cheeks. Slicked on Sakura’s lips was a nude colored gloss with miniature sparkles, and Sakura noted that her unkempt eyebrows were neatly plucked, with all straying hairs removed.
Makes a difference, eh? All you need is more subscription, different, more descriptive words, and more patience. For chapters, make them a lot longer. Type up AT LEAST ten pages on microsoft word, or whatever you type on, and spell check. Then get your Beta Reader to help you out with all the things I suggested. If your Beta hasn't suggested sufficient advice like I've given you, then it might be time to look for another Beta Reader.
| Yami-Yugi Slash angel chapter 1 . 5/23/2008
| sasusaku0129 chapter 1 . 4/13/2008
this is cool to i cant wait till the next 1
| Brenna chapter 1 . 3/13/2008
omg plz keep writing this fic ;-) luv it a lot
| Innocence and Instinct chapter 1 . 3/13/2008
update! please (puppy eyes)
| Mariegurl chapter 1 . 3/4/2008
That's a good chapter! Please update asap! I want to know what will happen next.
| a thousand cranes chapter 1 . 3/2/2008
Ohh, for some reason I really like it. lol no offense but I didn't think I would because it's a sort or common idea to start off with, not that I'm complaining. I'm pleasantly surprised. I loved how Sakura and Hinata's friendship is so normal and easy to relate to. I liked how you recognized that lots of people could be really pretty if they took more care of their appearance. It was cute how Hinata was so pushy on making her friend look and feel better. It was something you would picture Ino doing, but the change was nice and less predictable.
| Dark Angel812 chapter 1 . 3/1/2008
I like the story so far please update soon