Reviews for Cover Me
AngelAbbie108 chapter 199 . 9/27/2015
You have to update, Ive already decided. You have to!
Demons archers chapter 199 . 9/6/2015
Please continue this story! I need to know what happens to Will, Ironhide, and the decepticons! Please! This fic is too awesome to stop here.
AngelAbbie108 chapter 107 . 8/20/2015
AH that was torture.], why does Jazz have to insist on singing?
Shadow91259 chapter 199 . 8/8/2015
I absolutely LOVE this story! Please please PLEASE update it!
Jazzilynn Hall chapter 162 . 6/7/2015
Actually, you're not far off the mark with Skyfire's specialty there. Before the war, Skyfire and Starscream were scientists together that would search different planets for life and then study the life forms of those planets. So yeah, having him be a Xenomechanicist is actually about right.
Jazzilynn Hall chapter 161 . 6/7/2015
The larger one is Skyfire, isn't it?
Jazzilynn Hall chapter 146 . 6/6/2015
I know the Tremors series! I've seen all 4 of them with my brother... he's obsessed with them. LOL Poor, poor Rollerforce... you do realize that you that you've no doubt called karma's attention to you, right? All that teasing you've done to poor Motorhead is now gonna come back and bite you in the aft with a Linked of your own... and you won't be maing fun of Motorhead being Linked to an Autobot when you find out your Commander is Linked to a human! LMFAO
Jazzilynn Hall chapter 132 . 6/6/2015
I actually have to agree with Prowl and hide on this one... Knight is just WAY too interested in the bots and their human companions. My gut tells me that he's not the innocent person that he's pretending to be... maybe he's even working for that Burgen freak.
The Fox Familiar chapter 20 . 6/5/2015
Chapter 81


Lennox divorces his wife because she was too much of a bitch to understand the situation and Lennox gives a middle finger to his newborn baby girl, because that doesn’t show a deadbeat dad, oh no. Instead, he jumps into the arms of Ironhide, who is surrounded by mating kittens that are supposed to be his comrades. The war is allegedly over and instead of foraging for essential supplies, they are too busy having sex. Sounds like ‘Welcome to the Jungle’, except with no Jean Claude van Damme.

The dialogue screams female to me. Will is not acting like a man. He’s a teenager entering a relationship she doesn’t know anything about, but ‘Tru Wuv’ is guiding her every way. And what is the sex du jour? A camouflaged dildo, which is going into Will’s ass, without lubricant, because the author doesn’t know about anal fissures.

“Sarah had been a traditionalist in the bedroom” – You mean she didn’t do anal. OK.

“Absolute love and pleasure” – Drink.

“Pleasurable groan” – Drink.

“As the pleasure from the pressure...” – Drink.

“Haze from the immense pleasure” – Drink.

“Howled from the pleasure” – Drink.

“Groaned and wriggled from pleasure” – Drink.

“I tried to be original in this and not write the same thing over and over...” – HAHAHA, OH WOW.

Lennox sticks a dildo up his ass without lube, without practice, and without cleaning out his anus. He is doing it out in the open on Ironhide’s palm, somewhere secluded, as well as stick his hand into Ironhide’s spark, which, in reality, would electrocute him. That’s high voltage, man. Yet it doesn’t because it’s ‘love’, and the dildo isn’t covered in human waste and Lennox did not shit himself from the pleasure. Someone really didn’t do their research. He’d had to have his anus cleansed with a douchebag, and, again, lube.

Ironhide should know that from reading stuff on the Internet, as well as know how dangerous anal sex really is. Ah, well. Reality always unhinges the stupid.

Chapter 176 will also be included.

“For Ironhide’s viewing pleasure” – Drink.

“Pleasure raced along his body” – Drink.

“Pleasure radiating through his body” – Drink.

You wrote the sex scenes in a college computer lab and people were going WTF at what you were writing. Maybe you should actually focus on your schoolwork and not write bad porn.

Chapter 191 will also be included.

Unsurprisingly, Sam goes to fuck Barricade, but BB loves Sam and wants to fuck him first, and there’s a bunch of talk about feelings, weddings, and breaking up with your husband-to-be because the neglected friend demands you sleep with him first. Yeah. Going full female centrism here.
Another vibrator? This time candy-cane coloured? With a bottle of lube and a policewoman’s uniform? I guess Sam is going to be the Vagtastic Avenger.

“The concept of human modesty was baffling to him” – Cybertronians have a concept of modesty, too. Going ‘bare all’ means you have no respect, or a slut, or that you have been shamed. Clothing is also to keep people protected against the elements. Not that hard to grasp.

“Rode the wave of pleasure” – Drink.

It’s clear your only focus for this whole thing was the sex. It was funny to read, and it’s no wonder people laughed out loud at it. Dildos? Are you serious? Sex in a tree? In the open? In the cold? My word. Again, Sam is a virgin and he has no practice with that stuff. He would get injured rather than feel insane pleasure, as you put it. Will himself got bruises, which is a sign that the sex was painful and that he has internal damage. That doesn’t matter, because Sam is as inconsistent as they come, and though he doesn’t go NONONONONONONONONO all the time, he usurps all other characters with his female centrism. Even though he has a penis, he acts like a teenage girl. Same with the other characters.

There is no love here. Unless it was based on a teenage girl’s wetdreams, this is a horrible work. No idea how it managed to get as long as it did, but you’re going to get what you deserve.

You even took Optimus Prime, the regal and reserved robo-Jesus, and turned him into a bipolar crazy woman that snaps at everyone and doesn’t emanate a single ounce of authority. As said before, if it weren’t for their names, no one would be able to tell that these were completely different characters. They all talk like women, the situations are based on what a woman wants to do, and all the FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS are female. You stuck your vagina very firmly in this work.
When Devastator had the scrotum swinging in ROTF, people thought that was the last straw. You did that in the very first chapter. The gay weddings, the horribly written emotions, lack of common sense, contradictions, retarded plot, and domestic issues that are not at all interesting or funny tells me that you have no room for improvement because you don’t have talent to begin with.

You’re an adult woman that writes like a Suethor, making every character so OOC so they can have sex with each other, and the robot/human sex had no taste to it whatever. It bored me to Hell. It’s exactly like the rest of the slashfics that plague this fandom. You may think that you’re so much better than the Suethors, complaining that they ruined DBZ, but the real problem is people like you. You pass off your work as serious. More people read it. It gets recced. It gets fanart. You get attention.

Does that make you good? No. The things you like, write, and art you love are all terrible. It fits that an untalented girl that gets a hard on at incest – I have seen your LoTR work on AO3 – thinks it’s normal and thinks gay marriage is OK, are all signs that you are not at all bright, and are just a little bit sharper than the fully corroded tool in the shed.

I have no intention of reading to the end. 850,000 is a word too many, and it all screams pure shit to me. You’re not a good writer, let alone A writer, and have not improved since 2008. You don’t do any research and write these stupid prophecies about the Transformers that normal fans already know about, or see it as being nonsensical. You aren’t even a fan. You’re just someone who faps at the sex.

Enjoy your reviews, you sick fuck. You have as much skill as . Oh, I went there. I went there.

She wrote better than you. And what’s worse than being compared to her? The end of the world, that is. Ended up being worse than ROTF. By a huge margin.

Thanks for going full retard.
The Fox Familiar chapter 19 . 6/5/2015
Chapter 52 – 60


It’s taken fifty-two chapters for Barricade to get repairs when, if he was in character, could have repaired himself a long time ago. Starscream is too busy dicking around screaming at himself in the mirror, and the other Decepticons are nowhere to be found, because more important things are happening, such as putting tiles on roofs and painting ‘hangers’ in many different colours. I guess they’re looking for successful abortions.

“Why don’t you just lock me up and be done with it?” – Yeah! They really should, because they’re all OK with a known Decepticon that’s known to lie! They simply couldn’t have done that in the first place!

I can hear ‘My Immortal’ play during the funeral. Has that much cheese.

You admit you know nothing about the original series and went to Wikipedia for help. I can already tell your notes are non-existent and that you did no research.

I can’t say I was surprised by Sam’s speech with Primus; it screamed cliché and if this were an OC it would be a Mary Sue. It’s OK for Sam, though. The thing is, we already KNOW all the things that Primus says in that speech; we are not all idiots, you know, and you can stop peddling and insulting your audience by writing things that have already been written or said by other characters.
Jazz, of course, has to come back, because Prowl needs his waifu. Will they get rainbow cakes and sue some Christian bakers?

“Staring at his very much alive husband” – HAHAHA, OH WOW.

“I crave feedback” – No, you crave asspats. No one has been honest with you, except for me. You’re about to find out.

“Everyone was his children no matter their choices” – Subliminal gay rights proclamation? I think so!

Yes, my dear, you DO suck at making back stories. Among other things.

“No flames please!” – Too late.

“Just the thought of you gone...” – Not at all a cliché.

“That this strong, assertive commander belonged to him” – In which the author admits that Jazz is a chick, and Prowl is the man.

Chapter 60 is about wedding parties, and the women are going out making cakes that the robots obviously are not going to eat. This isn’t so much about Transformers than it is about gay marriage, because after all, they deserve it too, right?

Sam and his buddies don’t have to pay taxes, yet their entire operation is a drain on taxpayers. Wow. What a bunch of thieves.

“They tend to jump the gun, don’t they?” – In which a character voices my thoughts on the work.

I told myself I would only read up to Chapter 60, which I have managed to do. Even though each chapter is roughly four thousand words, half of it has nothing to do with Transformers but rather the inane and redundant ramblings of the author. I don’t care about gay robots getting married or them buying cakes and flowers for each other. I don’t care about the horribly written romances, divorces, and sex scenes that other people openly laugh at because the author’s skill is so low that it makes people laugh and not care about anything.

Fans complain that Bay ruined the franchise by adding terrible human characters. You took that concept and threw it overboard; and you dragged up a leviathan of worse shit that not even the films breached. We don’t care about Sam, Miles, Judy, Ron, or Miles’ parents or the damn dog. They were all terrible characters to begin with and ruined the films; here, they have more of a starring role than the Cybteronians themselves, and the author thinks that writing their troubles makes her look better than those God awful Mary Sues. Well, hate to break it to you, honey, but you’re worse than those Mary-Sues. Suethors, while bad, are often young and inexperienced, and flamers – usually – help them see the light. And they improve. But it’s the slash fangirls that are the real enemy. You are often older, with more experience, and say you are more devoted fans. I saw no evidence of it here. You did not watch the original G1 films, took ‘notes’ that you didn’t consult, and your only research tool was Wikipedia, and even that was sparse. It’s no wonder most of these authors pull things out of their ass, because if they even did the slightest bit of research, all of their claims will fall apart.

Despite claims that Transformers is sexist, there are no females in this work, and both Mikaela and Lennox’s wife are annoying bitches that are good at nothing. The other characters act like females, with Ironhide being a blushing bride and Starscream saying ‘Fucking Hell’ in ALLCAPS even though this is human speech and Starscream wouldn’t act or speak that way. In a way, you’ve humanized them to the point where they cease to be alien and wondrous to us and are just a bunch of thugs that happen to be robots.

There is no plot. Every time a character acts or does something, it contradicts what they did earlier, and sometimes, they ask questions that I am left asking, to which you do not answer. If a fictional character admits that this is a piece of shit, how come no one else does? Oh, right.

They’re too busy giggling and laughing at unfunny situations that scream ‘Desperate Housewives’ to me, and is as interesting as that. If all the women in ‘Sex and the City’ were in space, this would be that story. Add on a fangirl that adores incest and slash and you have a combination that demands a napalm cleansing.

I’ll be reviewing this in full in a bit. But I’ll be reading the porn chapters and offering my thoughts here.

Here we go.
The Fox Familiar chapter 18 . 6/5/2015
Chapter 44 – 51


“How dare you allow your people to injure Runner when he was near death!” – Hey, he’s still their enemy. And he wasn’t ‘near death’. He goes from being fully recovered to near death in a matter of seconds, so I guess Barricade is capable of some amazing self-regeneration. Why does Judy care, anyways? I forgot. Because as an Annoying Parent she has to meddle in everything.

“There were extenuating circumstances” – Wow, someone used a thesaurus! Let’s look at what that means:

Extenuate (diminish the seriousness of): to make a mistake or wrongdoing seem less serious than it first appeared, such as providing an excuse for it.

Yet all situations were deadly serious, and Barricade’s attempt to extenuate them only affirms his Decepticon nature. I guess you didn’t really look up the big pretty words you thought would make you look smarter.

By the way, it’s ‘hangar’, not ‘hanger’. Also look that up.

“Only after the Autobots had his relationship with his wife totally fell apart” – Why, though? He has a kid with her, so he can at least try to work things out with her. It looks like she’s just a one-dimensional bitch who doesn’t understand Will’s life and isn’t willing to wait for him as she did through the entire events of the first film. Want to know why this is? It’s because whenever there’s a female character that is canonically with your object of lust, you make her a bitch when she is not, and make her get into arguments with her husband because you want Lennox to fuck Ironhide. Reasons!

Sarah has already asked things ‘archly’ twice already.

If Sector Thirteen is as dangerous as you say it is, of course Sarah and her daughter are in danger. But she’s just a bitch, remember. She has no rights.

“I don’t think we were meant for each other” – It hasn’t even been a year and Sarah is going to kick Will out? Like that? HE HAS A BABY WITH HER. So not only are BOTH of them acting irrational, Sarah doesn’t seem to realize or respect what Will and the Autobots do. You’ve made her so OOC so that you can pair Will with Ironhide. Brilliant.

Of course. They get a divorce and there’s going to be joint custody. Yet it still doesn’t dismiss the fact that you made Sarah a one-dimensional bitch for the sake of convenience. A replica of your family life, maybe? I guess it does confirm the fact that modern women love divorce so much that they can sue the shit out of the men they’re divorcing.

“One of my betas is a former Marine and she said this was fairly common” – HAHAHA, OH WOW. One of your betas, a woman, was a former Marine and she couldn’t at all help you write a PROPER story. What a fucking waste. I bet she didn’t even see real action, because as it stands, female Marines have never passed the physical tests needed to become one. They go through training that has lowered standards, and it has been shown time and time again that not a single woman can complete the test. Sure, there are those ‘few’ that make it in the news, but on interviewing REAL Marines, not a single woman could complete the test, which is saying something, since most men can’t complete it, either.

“I had to get Sarah out of the picture” – Of course you did. Because her being married gets in the way of your slashfic. Of course, she’s also in cohorts with Sector Thirteen. Am I right? Totally didn’t see that coming.

You are so great at writing military wives. Sarah isn’t at all grateful that her husband is home. Judy and Ron are OK with the Autobots, but she isn’t? She knew what she was getting into when she married Lennox. She should be GRATEFUL that Ironhide and his pals saved her husband. If she was remotely in character or a real woman, she would stand by her husband. But NOOOOOOO. Gay robots are A-OK, but straight marriage is just goddamned terrible, ain’t it?

“I have a feeling people want questions answered” – They’ve waited until Chapter 46 to interview Barricade. They are all lazy.

The Autobots should really stop pretending to be surprised at Barricade at their base when he pretty much was there for a while. It’s not like he chilled out in Sam’s garage for nothing.

“How do I end up in these situations?” – Because idiot fangirls write you in them, Prime.

Chapter 47 is called ‘Getting the Facts’. Methinks I sense a bit of irony.

“Why would anyone paint their hanger pink?” – So they can perform comfortable abortions, obviously.

Big twist of the day: female author writes females going shopping. Why this has to do with Transformers I have no clue.

May I ask why two crocodiles are out wandering in the desert? Care to look up where they live, hmm?

“I am not stupid! I researched this before I wrote it!” – Bullshit. You didn’t research anything.

Anyone who has any interest animals KNOW that there ARE American crocodiles. Hell, many of them were brought in illegally. They live in the Everglades and hang around New Orleans. Not that hard. It is also illegal to buy exotic animals unless you have the intent to breed them. Even then, your property must be up to par and pass standards.

“Ironhide was never associated as someone who would beg” – Because he doesn’t. Even after signing the divorce papers (they need to be finalized as well as visiting a lawyer as to divide up assets) Ironhide is already ‘falling’ for Lennox and worried about his safety. Lennox is not a puppy.

He can defend himself.

“We’re not even the same species!” – I guess it doesn’t matter if you’re two guys.

“Ironhide was one of those who would never find his intended” – And yet, here he is, getting a hard on at a human who just learned his wife was divorcing him. You don’t move on that quickly.

“It did not fit within the realm of the norm” – Damn right it doesn’t.
Ironhide breaks the friendzone and talks about his FEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS like a good ole’ woman. If his name wasn’t Ironhide, I really would have thought he was a woman.

A chapter this bad shouldn’t have taken you four hours. I can write this much in a quarter of that time. With better quality.

The Fox Familiar chapter 17 . 6/5/2015
Chapter 36 – 44


We start off on this batch with ‘there’s a storm coming’ cliché. I wonder if the milk on Sam’s chin is foreshadowing to a future event? Who knows.

Wheeljack doesn’t know what rain is despite venturing onto other planets where there is rain. There’s also acid rain on Cybertron, remember? No? Too bad.

“Defiantly not Sector Seven” – FOR THE LAST TIME, IT IS DEFINITELY. You IDIOT. Get a dictionary. It shouldn’t be this hard to spell.

So a bunch of guys in dark suits kidnap Sam to use him as bait – not a cliché – in an already predictable and shitty plot because the author thinks she is oh-so clever. Doctor Burgen sounds ripped out of every evil conspiracy/government kidnapping plot ever written. I mean, ever.

Whatever he says, whatever he does – that has all been done before. Why is he there, again? Oh, right.

“Try to help his husband dry off” – HAHAHA OH WOW.

There’s a great big stand-off between Barricade and the other Autobots, who wonder what on Earth has happened to Sam. Barricade should just crush the stupid fuck and get it over with. When Barricade isn’t done with his Katniss Everdeen speeches, that is. You must really think that was smart of you, eh?

Barricade is still somehow injured despite ramming four SUVs no problem. He can also transform. He apparently does not know how to fix himself after all his years as a scout.


Yes, dearie. You have killed your capslock button. As well as any logic this story might have had.

“Why would you do that if you knew you were damaged?” – I don’t know, why did you Barricade?

You know, when characters in a story ask themselves questions that the readers ask, and the author doesn’t answer, you know that something is wrong. It’s like you know this is a nonsensical piece of shit, but won’t admit it. Your own work shows how much of an ignoramus you are, but we’re not done yet, and I have more to pick out.

An F-22 Raptor would be spotted no matter what, because it’s an F-22 Raptor. I guess he went to Texas to fight the storage wars there.

“The next chapter will be full of droll discussions” – You mean the story so far hasn’t followed this route?

“It will be wrought with tension and distrust” – If what I’ve seen so far is an indication of anything, it’s that you suck at writing character emotions. When it’s not over the top, it has as much skill as a 16-year-old Mary Sue author. Yeah. Remember how you said you hate Mary Sues? You write just like one.

“He moved next to his husband” – Oh, here we go again. Little girl thinks gay marriage is a new Civil Right.

“Too grate” – HAHAHA, OH WOW.

Oh, noez! Prowl doesn’t know Jazz is dead! Will he go into a mad fit of hysteria? Depression? Will he slit his wrists? Find out with Ebony Darkness D’Mentia Raven Way!

“I’m aware that most of the characters are OOC in my story” – You don’t say? You couldn’t have fooled me. And you didn’t even watch the show.

“I’ll try to get them into character later” – You haven’t had anyone in character, you numbskull.

Tearing through an empty suburb at seven in the morning in a Chevy Topkick is the least inconspicuous you can get.

Sense. You don’t have it.

Lennox is worried about his wife and daughter, Ironhide says it’s no big deal because they’re not associated with the Autobots. If Lennox is associated with them, then it fits that his family would, in one way or another, be associated with them, too. But we know Lennox is a dead beat dad because he later goes on to screw Ironhide with an advanced robotic dildo or something.

Ironhide yells at Will for not letting him know Barricade was at Sam’s house, even when Barricade pretty much told everyone where he was. Rumours spread, you know. I don’t know why Ironhide is surprised at all, let alone why he’s yelling, or why he’s that overprotective of BB. BB can take care of himself, and there’s no evidence that Sector Thirteen was going to take him, because BB wasn’t even THERE. Barricade was. So Ironhide is getting worked up over a story that isn’t true. What a grouch.

“We don’t know how much this group knows about us” – Apparently a lot, because if they’re an offshoot of Sector Seven, then they have all their resources. But since this is one of those secret government clichés, I know where it’s going, and the attempt at conflict in this story ends up with a big old hole in your shoe.

So Barricade gets shot in a battle that ends up being drowned in a sea of words. You’re not very good at writing battle scenes. Or anything, really. And here you say you have NOTES. I guess asking yourself: ‘does this work? How would a character act in this situation?’ never applied to you.


Prowl loses his shit because a Decepticon defector who was never in the brig or interrogated for his crimes is left alone to his own devices stands there while Prowl shoots at him. Great to see Prowl NOT being logical all because his waifu died. Who cares? You don’t act that way, even during a firefight, if there is one here, because it only gets in the way of the mission. Prowl is effectively acting like a WOMAN, mainly because the author is a woman who has no idea how people act.

“Barricade came to me for help...he’s my responsibility” – Except Barricade didn’t NEED Sam’s help, that’s the thing. He wasted his energy driving to Sam’s school instead of calling his phone or something, as well as bared himself in the open, begging for someone to shoot him. He’s not a sparkling as you put it, yet he acts like a child that stamps his foot when he doesn’t get the right candy. Each sentence contradicts the other, and I am amazed that you didn’t even notice the sheer amount of sloppiness that went into this. Then again, you seek out popularity, and since when have slash fangirls ever NOT wanted that?

This should have been killed from the first chapter. Yet it made it to two hundred.
The Fox Familiar chapter 16 . 6/5/2015
Chapters 16 – 35


For matters of plot convenience, a slew of Autobots all find their way on Earth, in the same country, in the same place. They all screech, scream, and if they didn’t have names to differentiate them, I could not tell if they were indeed different characters.

Uh-oh. We have the ‘Character may die and everyone is holding their breath’ cliché. Ratchet is doing the cliché of ‘Respected Doctor Isn’t Sure Patient Will Live’.

“Make goo-goo eyes at your guy later Ratchet” – Yes, because they would act like this.

Cybertronians don’t have blood relatives, yet they’ll have marriage ceremonies. Ironically, it celebrates ‘two mechs joining together’, and not more than two (what are you, discriminatory towards polygamous couples?) and there is not a single mention of femmes, anywhere. Ironic how fans complain how there are hardly any female characters in the fandom, yet in their own fanfictions don’t include any.

“We’ve never had to face any dilemmas like your race has” – Bull-fucking-shit. They have a caste system. They have different body types. They say it is OK for brothers to marry brothers since they’re all related, and that there are no chicks because they are icky. Your later work has outright incest from the LoTR fandom, and if that doesn’t scream ‘sick fuck’ to me, I’m not sure what does.

“Miles was not the brightest crayon in the box” – And neither are you.

“Earth’s materials are far too weak for us to use” – What are you talking about? Earth’s materials are found all over the galaxy, if not the universe. If some of them can be found in stars, who’s to say they’re strictly Earth materials?

“I have no future and I’m not good at anything” – In which the author discusses herself.

“You are more alike than you think” – Not at all a cliché. Also not predictable. Like, at ALL.

“The Camaro understood...what it was like when he was obstinate” – Yeah, no shit. What does BB do but nag all the time? That’s his only character trait, along with being insanely overprotective of an even more pussified Sam. Give me a break. Enough with this retarded dialogue and ‘HAHA THAT WAS FUNNY DID YOU SEE THAT?’ humour. It’s worse than it was in the film. Hell, if you wrote the script for the film, it would be as good as an Uwe Boll film.

“Why follow Sam when he is a moving target?” – Hmm, he’s been going to school and walking to an Autobot base in plain sight, when apparently Starscream is supposed to be looking for him. Starscream either must be lazy as hell or doesn’t care about getting things done. Everyone seems to be taking a break. I’ve seen more action in Latina soap operas.

“He’s not your responsibility, you know.” – If he’s not, why all the emphasis on him BEING responsible? Are you literally wasting all this time showing how this or that character is meant to be responsible yet wave it away in one sentence with a ‘fuck it’ attitude, only to say, ‘my bad, he really is responsible’, in the next?

Going full Katniss Everdeen Effect here.

“I’m just being silly” – Yes, Ratchet. Yes you are.

“There’s something coming” cliché. “It’s intuition” cliché. ‘Two Characters That Obviously Hate Each Other Secretly Love Each Other’ cliché.

Barricade pulls an ‘I’ve had it’ speech about his situation when he could have avoided the entire thing and LEFT when no one was looking. If he wants to be a retard, let him be one. This isn’t Barricade, anyways, because he doesn’t make 180s like this easily. Of course, you’re a slash fangirl: of course you’re a complete idiot.

“He whirled around to see his fiancée standing behind him” – Hope they host it on Jerry Springer.
Wheeljack, you are NOT the father!

Oh, wait. Wrong show.

Fucking. Wow. You’re pairing the twins together. Why am I not surprised? It’s obvious that you have a hard on for incest, so I assume that you’ve watched and read a lot of porn to get a hard on for it, let alone write it. Your mother must be so proud to have birthed a child like you.

There are a lot of characters in this story, and all of them manage to sound the same. They’re a bunch of bickering children that have no personality whatsoever and it becomes a jumbled mess. They are overshadowed by even more retarded human characters and human mannerisms, as well as Trent trying to kill Sam with a pipe for some reason (the Token Dick trope), and Optimus Prime getting into stare contests because that is oh-so-funny for some reason. Maybe for a single-digit IQ. Not for someone like me.

Like I said, I won’t be reading this entire thing. It’s a bunch of inane ramblings and I think I can get the gist of it from what I’ve read so far: it’s just a big gay wedding with gay robots frolicking in the grass. Nothing to do with Transformers at all. No one is in character, and Sam is really bordering on Gary-Stu. If this was an original character, someone would be calling you out on it. Yet for an irresponsible teen that has done nothing heroic and has no redeeming qualities, he’s given liaison status despite him being only SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD and all these worldly responsibilities that he clearly is not qualified for.

Big plot hole: now that the AllSpark is destroyed (and we know that it cannot be truly destroyed; its energies always relocate to a new host) and there is a lack of Energon, both sides’ top priority is to find a new energy source. No use in fighting a war if you’re all going to starve to death. But no. We have talk of fiancées and twincest. Makes a lot of sense.

The big contender is Barricade. This asshole is one crude asshole, and yet his ‘dark past’ is one where he had to kill his fellow G and had to fight the mean streets of Detroit – er, Cybertron. Please. I’ve seen more realistic takes on this in ‘8 Mile’.

Still don’t know how this managed to get to 850,000 words.
The Fox Familiar chapter 15 . 6/5/2015
Chapters 1 – 15


You know you have issues when you think a daily life fic featuring OOC Transformers getting pregnant and talking about how hot their ‘men’ are that this is secretly a ‘Desperate Housewives’ fanfiction without the housewives. I do not know how this got to 850,000 words, or how it lasted as long as it did, but from what I gather, people are only reading for the sex – however bad that may be. I won’t be reading this entire monster fail of a story; I will, however, might get to a quarter or at least halfway through. It won’t matter if I do read through it all. It will still suck.

Why, exactly, is Barricade so damaged? He should have at least initiated some repairs. And why is he picking up Sam, and why is Sam even thinking of going with him, in a public place, damaged as that? That is asking for trouble, and Barricade wouldn’t be so stupid as to be out in the open clearly wounded.

“I still have my logic centers in place” – No, you don’t Barricade. It hasn’t been...what? A year, and Sam is already the Cybertronian diplomat? He has zero experience and he is still in high school. That is also asking for trouble. I also note that Barricade is using a lot of human terms and is swearing like one. There is no authenticity to him being a robot, and I wouldn’t know if he was an alien unless I recognized the name.

“Nothing is symmetrical on this planet” – A lot of it is, actually. Have you seen the genome?

“He was about as diplomatic as a rock” – So why is he recruited as a diplomat if he admits he’s not up to the job? No use hiring an incompetent.

Sam gets a plasma gun to shoot despite him having no history of handling firearms. Again, that is asking for trouble. The least you could is TRAIN the kid how to use a gun, to build up muscle, as well as getting used to the recoil. Even if it’s an advanced gun, it’s going to have a nasty kickback.
Why do the Autobots need bank accounts to pay for car parts when they’re alien robots and therefore, no Earth part is going to fit them? They can just hack into any bank account and take the money. No qualms there.

Why is Optimus Prime so spastastic? That’s OOC for him. He wouldn’t shout or panic unless it was absolutely necessary.

“As in, get married” – Yeah, this is not Prime talking. This is a woman talking. Only women make such stinks about marriage. That and gay people.

Why is Lennox’s wife being a bitch? She understands that her husband has a dangerous job. She waited for him. Yet apparently she has a problem now and is kicking Lennox out. Did you forget that he has a baby girl and that if he didn’t at least TRY to work it out with his wife, that makes him an asshole and a deadbeat dad? Yeah, because wives and women suck. All they want is to prevent men from getting the D.

“One of their worst enemies wants a truce” – Barricade isn’t one of their ‘worst enemies’. He’s just a scout. Now if this were Soundwave or Shockwave, that would be another matter.

“Even though now she and Sam were broken up” – Of course. So Sam can shag a Transformer, no doubt.

Sam asks Mikaela if she can fix Barricade a thousand times. We get it, already. The reason why they should fix Barricade is discussed in some fuzzy moral code, even though no one really has any incentive to fix him and Barricade has no reason to jump into the Autobots’ hands or ask for their help. He is still a Decepticon. We still don’t know how he got injured or how he drove to Sam’s school knowing that he was about to enter stasis lock. Sense this does not make.

BB and Barricade are having an argument in a garage in Sam’s house. Or somewhere. And no one hears them.

“I can take care of myself” – So...why did you have to ask for help, Barricade?

“Starscream’s an idiot” – Except he isn’t. He’s arrogant, not idiotic. Big difference.

Barricade talks about his life history to Judy – this is a big sin right here, for including the parents – and goes through a complete turnaround in behaviour despite there being no reason for him to act that way. When it comes to writing characters, you are notoriously bad, and it seems you haven’t improved at all during the years you’ve written this. You said it yourself: you’re on autopilot. You stagnate. You do not improve.

“No one ever helps me with the paper work!” – Wow, Optimus. Doing work is just SO HARD nowadays.

“Who’s (SIC) stupid idea was this?” – In which the author asks a question about her own story.

“Why should I trust you? Give me one good reason.” – Bee has already asked this question to Barricade many times already, and Barricade has either answered it or dodged the question. Looks like you don’t even remember what you write.

Of course Judy, mirroring the author, gets excited at robots having gay marriage. A SJW before SJW took control of tumblr.

If this story is meant to get a glimpse into the ‘Daily Life Of’ these characters, then you have already failed for a variety of reasons: one is, we don’t care. We want action and story lines that keep us interested; we want plots that are interesting and themes that speak to us. We do not want a long tirade on a now-adult woman telling tales about things she wishes she could have: mainly, people that actually care about her, instead of false friends that just pat her on the back for things she doesn’t deserve. I am skimming through these chapters, because along with the ALL CAPS, MOTHERFUCKER, there is NOTHING of value to this story. If I’m at the fifteenth chapter and fuck-all has happened, well, then there’s something wrong here. In some cases, people have EDITED this work.

Shame on them for not telling you the things you need to hear.
Guest chapter 127 . 6/4/2015
I don't know if you're still around these days to read my very first review I've ever done, but I wanted to say that for some reason, this trip the guys are taking remind me of the blizzard I encountered back in Colorado, all cold and full of snow. If by some miracle you're still active Id be really happy if you responded to this review, since I don't have an account yet, you can just call me Speck. I really like this story, I'm reading it for a second time, I gotta admit you have a great sense of humor, when I'm reading at 11 in the night, I sometimes have to stuff my face on the pillow to muffle the laughing. You know, I was and still am sad that the story isn't done, why is it that the good authors who write majestic artworks never finish the painting? How was my metaphor? But coming back to topic, Im not asking for a new chapter, I just would like to know if you lost interest, or...if you're still alive, are you alive? Maybe in a coma at a hospital? Just give a sign! that you're not dead, an authors note, but something!
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