|Reviews for Radiant Twilight|
| Ziodyne967 chapter 2 . 12/11/2014
Ahh yea... His story ain't for me...
| Ziodyne967 chapter 1 . 12/11/2014
Egads! You actually killed Zelda? That might be a bad turnoff for some people. Hope your lyin...
| Guest chapter 2 . 1/22/2013
Wow Zelgius is way more bloodthirsty
| Anonymous chapter 16 . 8/6/2011
He had thought out this conversation carefully through the night before, but he still only vague ideas on how Ike would react.
- 'but he still' seems to need to be followed by a 'had' in order to make this sentence feel right.
Link growled, already remembering what it had felt like to tear those bony terrors apart the sound they made as the collapsed, and the sound the dust of their bones settling made once they were destroyed.
- The second 'the' in here should most likely be a 'they'.
Your AVAVA isn't centered here... Just thought I should point that out.
Hmmmm, nice story. Its was very entertaining. Your writing is beautiful, much as you are yourself. :)
| Anonymous chapter 15 . 8/6/2011
"Lost my good arrows that day..." Another man maundered wistfully, swirling his glass absently.
That seems o-so familiar...
| Anonymous chapter 14 . 8/6/2011
They knew who this was, they knew they knew, and no one could tell them that they knew that they didn't know, because they knewwho this was.
- A space between 'knew' and 'who'.
Definitely a change of pace for your writing style, at least in the beginning. It was good, the ability to write in completely different ways and still be fairly good at them both it quite outstanding. Good job.
| Anonymous chapter 13 . 8/6/2011
Sealth—the man that none of them had trusted not even a year prior—had led them here, and they trusted him with their lives for the first time in years.
- You used the word 'year' twice here and the sentence flow makes it read fairly quickly. Maybe a different word would be better if you replaced one or the other. 'Trusted' is also repeated, but it's not as noticeable as the other.
Stefan had never really been fond of cramp, dark spaces.
- 'cramp' should most likely be 'cramped'.
Mia smiled at memories that only she could see, her voice far away, "Anyway," she shook her head slightly, "after the Mad King's War was over, everyone went their own ways for a bit, but about three years later and after a Daein civil war—and almost a Crimean one too—anotherwar started; this time between the two races of Beorc and Laguz."
- A space is needed in between 'another' and 'war'.
Everywhere else had learned too, so everywhere he went, Zelgius met the scorn that he had joined the military to avoid everywhere he went.
- I don't fully understand this sentence, but I can make out a little of what you mean. I'm fairly sure the end 'everywhere he went' isn't supposed to be there. I don't really know for sure though.
"We didn't… we didn't know until later that not all of them wantedto fight, that Zelgius had forced most of them to…"
- A space between 'wanted' and 'to'. You seem to do this after every italicized word.
It's very interesting how you combine the two worlds, I really like the small examples you use to tie them together.
| Anonymous chapter 12 . 8/6/2011
Sealthheld his lance in one hand and looked out to the east, the sand sending invisible waves of heat upward to the brilliant ultramarine sky above.
- There should be a space between 'Sealth' and 'held'.
The HyruleanArmy had been here for nearly a week, and—as most of the men had returned to the capital—only a relativehandful remained to wait for the 'invaders' to actually arrive.
- I think one should also go between 'relative' and 'handful' as well.
The general's eyes caught on the thin spires of the desert prison to the north , the circular symbols on top reflecting the sunlight off their painted surfaces.
- There shouldn't be a space before the comma in here.
The explosives had already been set inside, so all the Hylianarmy had to do was wait for the outsiders to arrive, and the heavy stone of the surrounding mountains would make sure that there would be no question that justice would be served swiftly and without unnecessary loss of life.
- You need a space between 'Hylian' and 'army'. Also, you use the word 'would' a little much here.
"Though, I didsee something." Zelgius watched Sealth carefully, gauging his reaction.
- A space between 'did' and 'see'.
Of course there were no invaders, as Zelgius had told Sealth, but someone was vying to take over the prosperous kingdom of Hyrule—the Branded marshal himself.
- 'vying' most likely is supposed to be 'trying'.
In only a few more days Zelgius will have collected more than enough of the beasts inhabiting the torrid ruins to easily wipe out not only the the small group of soldiers in the desert, but any other resistance against him.
- The 'but' towards the end seems like an 'and' would fit better in its place.
Then end of this chapter is very good, it leaves you wanting much more. Very good.
| Anonymous chapter 11 . 8/4/2011
No typos that I noticed in this chapter. Well written, the story seems to stray from time to time over small things, but it does add interest to certain parts.
| Anonymous chapter 10 . 8/4/2011
Mist said nothing, ran ahead to Rolf, leaving Ike by himself.
- Seems a little weird, but it sounds off. This one, probably IS just me.
Mia wandered around the completed sea of tents, looking for a two of her friends.
- 'a' shouldn't be in this sentence.
Resting her hand the hilt of her sword and sighing loudly, Mia absently twirled a strand of hair around her finger, thinking about where her friends could be.
- After 'her hand' an 'on' should most likely be placed.
Mia laughed and pushed Stefan to the side with a smile, "You is silly."
- I understand Mia is portrayed as a childish character, but this makes her seem uneducated. I don't think this is quite what you want to show. Again, it's just a suggestion about something I noticed. If this is how you wish to portray her, then it's my mistake.
You seem to have just left Hyrule in the dust. Not that that is too terribly bad, but you did make me expect more of it than this. As good as always.
| Anonymous chapter 9 . 8/4/2011
Volug growled something and Micaiah fought to stifle a laugh, her small hand reaching up to cover her mout end eyes.
- Here, 'mout' should most likely be 'mouth'
"Mmm. Pack up your things, and help out with disassembling the tents." Ike said the yearning for sleep still present in his eyes.
- A comma after 'Ike said' would make the sentence a little more easy to understand.
"I understand that you would like to linger," Soren said softly, "but we are short on time. Even the loss a few moments could cost us everything."
- 'of' should be placed after 'loss' towards the end of this sentence.
Link noticed Oscar lingered behind for a few more moments on his horse and walked up beside the knight.
- The tense here seems off, It may just be me.
A short chapter, but a good one nonetheless.
| Anonymous chapter 8 . 8/4/2011
The camp was relatively cramped, with the flimsy buildings lying and a sloppy, cramped grid-style pattern.
- The 'and' should be an 'in' here, I'm not too sure, but it sounds better.
Boyd's white and green eyes—the only color other than red visible his body—stared wildly at Link.
- 'the only color other than red visible his body' feels like its missing a word. Maybe its just me.
Link gently pulled Boyd onto his back, making sure that the man had wasn't lying on his uncomfortable shield.
- 'had wasn't' Does not go together.
He carefully lifted his sword and began to make his way back to find the others before Boyd succumbed to his injuries.
- This sentence and the sentence prior I had mentioned above: the word 'He' used at the beginning of this sentence makes it seem as if Boyd is the one who gets up with his sword. It's a little confusing, but that's just my opinion.
When they finally reached the camp, the sun was nearly up and Oscar, Rolf and Boyd were nowhere to be seen.
- You still regard Boyd as alive in this sentence, I can tell what you mean, but the fact that you group his body with two people that are alive makes the sentence seem a little off.
So far, so good.
| Anonymous chapter 7 . 8/2/2011
Link strapped his sword to his back and followed Mia to the edge of the camp where a large crown had gathered.
- 'crown' should be 'crowd'.
Other than spelling/grammar errors, the story itself is very entertaining.
| Anonymous chapter 6 . 8/2/2011
Link tapped her gently o the soldier to break her from the same trance her eyes had had him in hours before.
- The 'o' is clearly supposed to be 'on'.
The story is very cute, and the collision of the two worlds is very well written.
| Anonymous chapter 5 . 8/2/2011
He could look for Zelda, but he it was best if he did not leave the castle.
- The first 'he' in this sentence seems unnecessary.
"Gather your men and find search the castle grounds."
- 'Find' seems a little off in this sentence.
Sealth had been the most respected generals of all the known kingdoms, renowned for his fighting prowess and clever battle plans.
- I'm almost positive the 'generals' shouldn't be plural here.
Sealth is very well described. Very good.