Reviews for A Freak Event
Guest chapter 1 . 6/17/2014
but isnt yuugaos mask a cat
william.cronia.1 chapter 3 . 7/26/2013
I don't know why, but this chapter made me smile the whole time I read it. I just love Naruto and Hinata pairings.
HalfwayParanoid chapter 29 . 4/4/2013
Aww, andI was enjoying it.
Taking It Easy chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
Until then, could one of you carry me home?

XD Lol, best part. Best part.

This story is awesome so far. The only thing is the few grammar mistakes, small ones. This is why I'm happy. I found a good, long story, Naruto and Sasuke are friends, Naruto is competent but not overpowered, and he has the sharingan... Which is kinda weird, but whatever.
animeaddiction01 chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
kakashi's mask is inu- the dog
Fuyutaro son chapter 2 . 7/11/2011
Ok... part of me wants to stop reading this fic because their are so many issues in it that it's kind of murder for the eyes, and another part of me wants to continue because the idea behind the fic is a good one, at least so far.

you have 3 primary issues in the fic that you really need to fix, because i know a lot of people will simply stop reading after they see it:

1) for some reason, you tend to put several different paragraphs togeather, which makes it all look like one giant brick of words, making it daunting to read. For instance:

- Now you might think that training with Kakashi for seven years and Sasuke for four years would have made Naruto a little smarter than to fall for what Mizuki said, and normally you would be right. The reason that's not the case right now is that sorrow tends to mess with ones thinking ability. So, in this weak frame of mind Naruto jumps at this. "Really? How? Tell me. Tell me. Please Mizuki-sensei" smiling at how the demon brat is falling so easily for his plan, Mizuki continues. "Now, normally I wouldn't tell you this, as it's only used for the most talented students to test their skill, and we decided to stop using it a couple years ago but it was never officially stopped. So if you do this, you can still pass. What you have to do is sneak into Hokage tower; at the very top of the tower is a room that's heavily guarded. Inside are a bunch of secret scrolls that only elite ninja in the village are allowed to read. You need to sneak in there and take the biggest one, that's the scroll of sealing, then sneak out to this spot in the forest and learn one jutsu from the scroll before I catch you, you will pass." Naruto in joy that not only does he get a harder test but he gets to learn a cool new move from it, starts doing his happy dance. Starting to get scared at Naruto's crazy dance, Mizuki tells Naruto "ok Naruto, you have from 7 till 8 tonight to do it. Otherwise you fail, understood?" snapping out of his dance Naruto nods before running off to plan. "Excellent, the demon fell for it. Now, not only will I gain the forbidden scroll, but will be a hero for killing the demon. This is my best idea yet" with that, Mizuki teleports away while laughing evilly.-

you actually have all of that as one paragraph, when it should be several. Also, since the 'paragraph' is so big, it makes it very hard to follow along with the story. it should actually be something like this:

- Now, you might think that training with Kakashi for seven years and Sasuke for four years would have made Naruto a little smarter than to fall for what Mizuki said, and normally you would be right. The reason that's not the case right now is that sorrow tends to mess with ones thinking ability. So, in this weak frame of mind Naruto jumps at this.

"Really? How? Tell me. Tell me. Please Mizuki-sensei"

Smiling at how the demon brat is falling so easily for his plan, Mizuki continues.

"Now, normally I wouldn't tell you this, as it's only used for the most talented students to test their skill, and we decided to stop using it a couple years ago but it was never officially stopped. So if you do this, you can still pass. What you have to do is sneak into Hokage tower; at the very top of the tower is a room that's heavily guarded. Inside are a bunch of secret scrolls that only elite ninja in the village are allowed to read. You need to sneak in there and take the biggest one, that's the scroll of sealing, then sneak out to this spot in the forest and learn one jutsu from the scroll before I catch you, you will pass."

Naruto in joy that not only does he get a harder test but he gets to learn a cool new move from it, starts doing his happy dance.

Starting to get scared at Naruto's crazy dance, Mizuki tells Naruto; "ok Naruto, you have from 7 till 8 tonight to do it. Otherwise you fail, understood?"

stopping out of his dance Naruto nods before running off to plan.

"Excellent, the demon fell for it. Now, not only will I gain the forbidden scroll, but will be a hero for killing the demon. This is my best idea yet"

With that, Mizuki teleports away while laughing evilly.

- See how many paragraphs that actually was? And even then, i still broke a few rules just to keep mizuki's long explanation as one paragraph, you should either split that in two, or shorten it.

2) the second thing, which is very similar to the first, is that you tend to have all the dialogue as one line, which is a big problem, because it gets very, very confusing sometimes. you should have each person's dialogue as seperate lines:

Naruto's dialogue.

Mizuki's Dialogue.

Naruto's dialogue.

Mizuki's Dialogue.

Naruto's dialogue.

Mizuki's Dialogue.

if you have it all on one line, it gets hard to tell who's talking (just as you should always say who's talking if there is more then 2 people in a covnversation, but you don't seem to have that problem, so that's fine)

3) the last thing that you do, though it's not as bad as the first two, and would be a lot harder to fix, is rush the story. You shouldn't have the scene change after just a few paragraphs: it makes the story go way, way, way to fast, making it slightly annoying to read, as well as uninteresting.

Try slowing the story down by having a few extra paragraphs per scene (or try having the scenes flow into one another so that there isn't a scene change at all)
Fuyutaro son chapter 1 . 7/11/2011
uh? well, that's one way to rush through a chapter...
mostlysane chapter 2 . 6/2/2011
shaaame. only on the second chapter and i cant read it no more. Godd story line so far but your way of making the characters speak is off putting. If you havent already, get a checker for your stories, someone who will read it over for you aswel. I think it'll help you greatly, also put new lines between each character speaking, basic story writing but does help, not being offensive or anything :)
Unimportant chapter 4 . 5/19/2011
I feel this story would be better if you were to get a bata. An interesting begining but I find myself irritated reading the story, not because the story is not good, but the fact that no two characters speak in the same paragraph. So one speaker per paragraph and the quality of this story and your writing in general will jump leaps and bounds.

I hope to a marked improvement in your future endevers.
amaya chapter 29 . 4/23/2011
its such a good story T.T *cry*
cheeto chapter 3 . 3/25/2011
just sayin i kno in my last review i said u could contact me through darklaughter but if uve got a facebook my profile name iz cheeto pera laterz
names cheeto chapter 2 . 3/25/2011
dude no offence but 2 words "spell check" seriously u need 2 reread ur work srry it has 2 b me 2 say this i luv the storyline though im alittle more used 2 saskue being the bad guy but im a HUGE naru-hina fan so idc bout him

p.s. yes cheetos my real name & if u feel lik replying send a message 2 darklaughter on fanfiction & tell them 2 tell me wat u said luv the story si far & look 4ward 2 finishing it XD
werd me chapter 7 . 3/21/2011
cool
johnathanC2 chapter 29 . 2/16/2011
(1000 years later) why must the good things come to an end. Allow someone to adopt the story plese
Gravity The Wizard chapter 29 . 2/13/2011
Bummer but life goes on your not the first fanfiction author to give up on Naruto or last I fear gl in your future projects.
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